Posts tagged ‘plea’

Oh Please, Oh Please, Oh Pleeeeeeeease?????

Dear Academy Awards,
Please let Mickey Rourke win tonight’s Oscar for Best Actor in a Leading Role.

I know his nomination for The Wrestler was because it was, you know, ‘good’ and ‘awesome’ and a showcase of superlative adjective-type words, not to mention a bunch of other blah blah about method acting and crap like that — but that’s not what I’m talking about.

I’m talking Mickey. The mangled hunk of mysteryflesh that makes me feel like a superachiever just for waking up each morning.

I love to watch Mr. Potatoface puff his ciggies while telling everyone to fuck off or go screw themselves (but not Courtney Love) and then laugh so hard that his one natural follicle shakes when memories he thought the booze and coke had erased somehow float magically to the surface of his mind.

That shit is funny, dudes!!!

Mickey is like a one-man amusement park for my mind.
I need him, and I am being 100% totally for real here when I say — so do you.

You have to know that Mickey and Heath Ledger are the only reasons anyone will be watching your crapass show tonight – and only one of them can give a speech!

So do the right thing, guys, and remember – Loki is watching.


February 22, 2009 at 7:55 pm 3 comments

… and that’s why they call it the ‘boob’ tube

Governor Rod ‘Grabbyhands” Blagojevich doesn’t need your stupid impeachments, Illinoisians!

He’s got better things to do – like bring the Blaggy Media Blitzkrieg of Preposterous Innocence Proclamations to every home in America!!!
::: … can you say ‘narcissist’s desperate bid to stay relevant amid the obvious obviosity of the neon glare of guilt’? I can … but now everything is blurry … :::

blaggy2The Notorious R.O.D.’s offensive offensive comes scant days after declaring that the day his dumbass criminality and blatant corruption caught up with him down at central processing he was arrested is – to his family –  “what Pearl Harbor Day was to the United States.”
::: He R The World … :::

On ABC’s Good Morning America, dicksleeve blah blah’d about how he thought Her Supreme Fabulosity would have been a sweet choice to fill my boyfriend‘s Senate seat … you know, because of the badassness of her ‘bully pulpit’ and all.
::: … and by ‘bully pulpit’, you understand he means ‘wallet’ … :::

blaggy3And on NBC’s Today Show, DJ Shiftyeye went full retard when he yakked on and on and on about how he was just soooo traumatized by his arrest but, you know, it’s all good because he can take comfort thinking about how the tribulations of Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King Jr. and Mahatma Gandhi were, like, WAY worse and stuff.
::: Perspective FAIL :::

Don’t sweat it if you missed the irrational hilarity of future Inmate #4988071 … his crazy train of screwball insanity has scheduled stops at ABC’s “The View” and CNN’s “Larry King Live.

1-2-3 — TIVO!!!

January 26, 2009 at 4:19 pm 21 comments

They usually don’t fall far


Ex-Blagojevich adviser pleads guilty

January 16, 2009 at 9:07 pm 5 comments

This is the shit you bitches are reading

Creative Commons License
Lifeisacookie is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 United States License.

%d bloggers like this: