Posts tagged ‘plastic surgery’

Bitch, Please!


Demi Moore is a MASTER THESPIAN!!!

She IS!

In an interview for some crikety-crap, this trick actually sat there with a straight face superfibbin’ the following:
“It’s completely false – I’ve never had [plastic surgery]. But I would never judge those who have.”

Well of course not — all Master Thespians live by the glass house rule!
::: BTW – Demi’s facial doctoring alone is said to include chin implants, a nose job, eye lift, cheek implants and botox … you see it. :::

Fibber McGhee continued
‘… the day when I start crying when I look at myself in the mirror might be the day when I’m less adamant about not having it done.”

Uhhh huh … and that would be what – 15-20 years ago?!
dmb

Poor 45-year-old Demi must dmhshave added some super DUPER sniffy snax to her daily regimen of leech detox therapy, 54 Red Bulls and endless self-affirmation because – and we all know it’s believable – word on the street is she’s spent anywhere from $500,000 to $600,000 as of 2007 (NOT counting rhinoplasty and correction for a seriously wonkey eye back in the day)  ——->

dmkAnd just what do you get for that kind of money?
The Works, yo!
• Liposuction of the hips, inner and outer thighs and stomach
• Beast implants (Striptease, anyone?!?)
• Subsequent operation to reduce the breast implants and have a breast lift
• Brow lift
• Chemical facial skin peel
• Collagen injections
• Knee surgery

Personally, I don’t think Demi should be bothered people know believe she’s had stuff done.
Bitch can go full Joan Rivers and get a whole new face every couple of years for all I care!
It’s really all she’s got …

SOURCE

September 2, 2009 at 10:26 am

You see it


octojoker

Don’t even front like you think Clown Car’s little snippety snip and plumpety plump made her look anything like my permanent girl crush.

Nooooeez!
Frealz — can’t her 15 be done, like, now?

February 25, 2009 at 1:29 pm 4 comments

Oh Please, Oh Please, Oh Pleeeeeeeease?????



Dear Academy Awards,
Please let Mickey Rourke win tonight’s Oscar for Best Actor in a Leading Role.

I know his nomination for The Wrestler was because it was, you know, ‘good’ and ‘awesome’ and a showcase of superlative adjective-type words, not to mention a bunch of other blah blah about method acting and crap like that — but that’s not what I’m talking about.

I’m talking Mickey. The mangled hunk of mysteryflesh that makes me feel like a superachiever just for waking up each morning.

I love to watch Mr. Potatoface puff his ciggies while telling everyone to fuck off or go screw themselves (but not Courtney Love) and then laugh so hard that his one natural follicle shakes when memories he thought the booze and coke had erased somehow float magically to the surface of his mind.

That shit is funny, dudes!!!

Mickey is like a one-man amusement park for my mind.
I need him, and I am being 100% totally for real here when I say — so do you.

You have to know that Mickey and Heath Ledger are the only reasons anyone will be watching your crapass show tonight – and only one of them can give a speech!

So do the right thing, guys, and remember – Loki is watching.

Smooches!
Cookie

February 22, 2009 at 7:55 pm 3 comments

Jessica Simpson is pregnant … in the lips


26459PCN_JessicaWhat in lard-lipped puckery pigfat hell happened to Jessica Simpson’s face?!?

Looks like someone got a little too cozy with the collagen … either that or she tried to suck off an entire hive of bees, which I would have paid good money to see and all … but, then again, I’d also pay good money to see drunk babies rollerskate … so, you know, you can’t go by me.

SOURCE

November 19, 2008 at 1:33 pm

Let’s face it …


Meg Ryan says her Hollywood career is nearly over and she’ll never be able to recapture her previous fame.
Why? Because she says there just aren’t enough good roles for women over 40.
::: Damn it all to hell and back! Who forgot to give the memo to Helen Mirren, Judy Dench, Diane Keaton, Meryl Streep, Annette Bening and Diane Lane?!? :::

“I think when Hollywood is done with me, I will probably be done with it. I’m not interested in playing those stock characters any more and I don’t feel sad that I don’t get those kind of offers.”

Someone’s in DEE-NIE-YULL!!!

It’s not her age that’s preventing her from landing roles …

… it’s her face.

It seems like only yesterday that everything was going along just swimmingly for America’s former sweetheart – then *BAM* – Meg boarded the big bus to crazy town!

Did it happen because folks found out she’d been bumpin’ fuglies with the Australian STD?
::: la chocha caliente :::
Did it happen because her then-husband of nine years decided it best to throw a cheatin’ chocha OUT?
Did it happen because no one liked ‘Hanging Up’?
::: they didn’t, get over it :::

Alas, we may never know what drove the Megster mad. But one thing’s for sure:
She must have some ginormously craterous self-esteem because – after being tossed out, she freaked out.

Meggers didn’t consult her oft-thumbed self-hater’s guidebook to wellness and she didn’t drag her ass in for analysis. Hell, she didn’t even develop a well-deserved chemical addiction!
She did it another  way.

Bitch ditched all that bankable girl-next-dooriness for an overblown trout pout, shaved schnoz, cutlet-y implants and some super-sateeny alien skin.
::: CAREER BE DAMNED!! muahahahahah!!!!! :::

Instead of trading on her natural good looks – she traded ’em IN.
Forever.

And it’s too bad, too – because, unless there’s a ‘When Harry Met Scary’ deal in the works, Meg’s makeover gave the once-upon-a-time cutie patootie the perfect face for just one thing:
Radio.

Meg? For future reference – when the mirror’s being mean to you – just remember …

September 16, 2008 at 4:13 pm 8 comments

Meg Ryan is bringin’ the chunk



Nah – not really.

She brought out the Kirstie Alley fat suit for her role in the movie ‘My Mom’s Hot Boyfriend’ where her character goes from fat to foxxxay.

Movie sounds like a snoozer but I totally think she should keep the new look. At least that body matches those gigantor lip implants!

July 25, 2008 at 8:19 pm 3 comments

Let’s stay focused, people!


Wait – let me get this straight …

The national average price for a gallon of regular gasoline is more than $4, which has caused:
* The po-po to get stupid creative
* Suburban brats to lose their shit over, well, losing their shit
* Caffeine-crackies to ditch their morning mocha-docha-nilla-soy-tofu-wheatgrass-no foam-grande-tall-whatthefuckisthisbullshit-latte
* Town fair operators to yank their weiners
… and well — you get the idea.
High gas prices suck, y’all!!

But it’s not just the price of petrol that’s turned us into a nation of Gloomy Gusses …
* Milk is nine-thousand-dollar-a-gallon (not really … but ‘get ready’ is all I’m saying …)
* Your 12-year-old rusted out Chevy beater is worth more than the house you bought a year ago
* That job you thought you had when you drove to work this morni … oh, sorry — HR on Line 2 …

No wonder a recent poll revealed 8 out of every 10 Americans think the country is headed in, well, just ALL kids of the wrongest or wrong directions!!
::: seriously  – we needed to do an actual poll to know this?!? :::

Buuuuuttttt — never fear!
Shallow American Vanity is here!!!

YAY SHALLOW AMERICAN STUPIDI, ERR, VANITY!!!!

It’s true – just ask Lauren!

Lauren couldn’t get an unsecured bank loan to gas up the earth-raping Hummer she bought to show her incredible lack of self-esteem support for the troops back in the ‘boom times’ and the monstrosity has been on Repo Radar for almost two months and the wardrobe she bought her Puggle, Pookie, had to be returned and she found out just yesterday  that her office will be closing permanently this Friday so she won’t be able to make her annual ski-trip to Bamff and she had THE worst tiff with her BFF-4EVAR this morning (OMG – riiiight???) because she just gets sooo bitchy  without her a.m. Starbucks and … well — Lauren is just haulin’ the stressmonster around in every  possible way!!!

But take heart kiddies –  it will all be ok because Lauren is a modern, American woman. And modern, American  women have super-ninja skills when it comes to foregoing fuel and food and friends and fun as long as they can keep their one, true love:
Plastic Surgery

Ayep – In 2007, Americans spent more than $13 billion for nearly 11.7 million cosmetic procedures. That’s up from nearly 8.5 million procedures in 2001.
“While today’s economy reflects a slow-down in plastic surgery procedures, the specialty will weather the current decline in economic growth just as it has previous declines, such as the stock market correction after the 2001 Internet bubble,” said ASPS President Richard D’Amico, MD.
::: anyone else creeped out by a body doc who talks like a hedge-fund manager? :::

And really, when you get right down to it — isn’t it heartening to know that in these very uncertain and scary economic times, your fellow citizen-ettes are holding tight, tight , TIGHT to the things that really matter …
Botox, bigger lips, new boobs and lipo

God Bless Help America

June 25, 2008 at 3:02 pm 5 comments

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