Posts tagged ‘phone’

A moment of silence, please


The awful terribleness has happened!
Darkness and despair have descended upon me!!
Life is forever changed!!!

MY CELLPHONE HAS DIIIIIIIED!!!!!

How can I be anything but super-exclamation pointy emotional about this deadphonetragedy!?!?!?!?!

Even as I sit here looking at its lifeless little body splayed in front of me, I can’t believe it happened! One minute I’m blah blahing to someone about some very crucial and marvelously meaningful crap or something and the next minute I’m in a blah blah blackout!
Oh the humanity!!!!

I feel so alone, so isolated without the trusted companion and daily partner to the spasmodic distraction that is my life!

Oh, I know I’ll find another, but let’s be honest — it won’t be the same!
Oh sure, it’ll be sleek and shiny with supercool 3G features my now-dead NoG never had but let’s be honest — it won’t be the same!!

Wait.
3G?
THREE GEE?!
::: wheeeeeeee!!!!! :::

uhh … gottaruntotheAT&Tstore,LOVEYOUOLDPHONE – BYE!

August 21, 2009 at 12:41 pm 2 comments

Triple Threat


coldbs
The unholy triumvirate pictured above have hearts so witch’s-titty-in-a-brass-bra cold that the Prince of Darkness had better start praying for their rehabilitation or his shit really will freeze over!

Word is these sluts formulated a revenge plot so ruthless that it left a former friend with frostbite so severe she could lose parts of one or both feet.
::: VICIOUS!! :::

22-year-old Maria Contreras-Luciano (left), 21-year-old Dyanne Velasquez (center) and 20-year-old Amber Crespo (right) face kidnapping, assault and conspiracy charges related to the alleged arctic abandonment of a 19-year-old woman who was pushed from a car …  into a snowbank  … at night … on the side of a New Jersey road … in a heavily-wooded area … wearing only a party dress and one shoe … in eight-degree weather.
::: This ain’t Survivor, bitches!! :::

The polar payback came after the victim had a car accident and sued Ho #3’s  insurance company, which prompted the skinsack to get her lunatic scream on, shouting “If you’re going to sue me then I’m going to kill you!” … whiiiich garnered her a bonus third degree charge of making terroristic threats!
::: How do you spell ringleader? C-R-E-S-P-O!!! :::

The trio “planned and plotted … to dress up and go to an imaginary party,” North Bergen Lt. Frank Cannella said.  In the ruckus of having her caboose forcibly removed from the car, one of the victim’s shoes fell off.

 “She ran back to the car and pleaded to be let back inside, but the women sped away, leaving her stranded with no cell phone, the lieutenant said.”

A passing motorist stopped and let the gelid girl use a cell phone but “refused to give her a ride because she didn’t want to get involved”.
::: Oh please Oh Please OH PLEASE tell me she got a tag number?!?! :::

Eventually, a motorist with a working brain and functioning heart stopped and took the teen to Englewood Hospital.

Can I have ‘They Sure Sound Guilty To Me‘ for $800, Alex?

PHOTOS COURTESY OF NORTH BERGEN POLICE

January 29, 2009 at 4:49 pm 3 comments


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