Posts tagged ‘pennsylvania’

War on welfare?


Pennsylvania lawmakers are considering a bill that would stick a big ol’ brick wall of “NEGATORY WINOS!” between welfare recipients and their state-funded boozy times.

This is so wrong!

In this The Great Depression 2.0 ™ – the ONE thing the hopeless and downtrodden can cling to … the ONE thing they truly gotta have – is their hooch!!!

Seriously! 
A tummy full of Tequila or Tangueray smoothes the harsh edges of a chilly winter’s night alfresco like nobody’s business!

But just try telling that to State Rep. Dave Reed, R[eally MEAN]-Indiana, and you’ll get a steaming cuppa ‘screw you, deadbeat’!

reedReed submitted his ‘No Booze for  Beggars’ bill after discovering it was actually, like, legal and shit for the poors to buy their Boone’s using taxpayer-backed benefit cards, which look and can be used much like a common credit card.

“I had no idea at the time that such a loophole existed,” he shouted to the little people from high atop his ivory tower.
::: Get ready for a MAJOR huffy when he finds out what they do at the needle exchange!! :::

Reed’s bitter pill of a bill would bar Pennsylvania’s 619 state liquor stores and private beer distributors from accepting the Department of Public Welfare’s electronic benefit cards from the approximately 2 million Keystone Staters who get cash assistance, food stamps or medical aid of some kind.

And I know all of the assholes out there hatin’ on the homeless and dusgusted by the destitute are ALL FOR this shit!

‘Cuz it sounds good; it feels right – right?

Yeah … too bad it won’t work.

Oh shuddit!
It won’t.

Because — aside from the fact that Scaggy Maggie will flat out cut a bitch for blockin’ her Bud — Reed forgot that little bit about the bennie badges behaving like credit cards.

So who’s to stop the vagabond horde from gettin’ their ATM on?
That’s riiiight hobo haters … a steaming cuppa ‘No one’ – that’s who!

Ahhhh government!
Oh well — better luck with the druggies, Dave!

SOURCE

May 11, 2009 at 4:17 pm

Too close for comfort


The fine folks of Pennsylvania had themselves more than just a holiday this weekend — they got their shake-shake on with a real-life earthquake!!
::: YAY!!! Tectonic activit-ay!!! :::

The 3.3 magnitude quake, which was centered in the Salunga-Landisville area of Lancaster County, was also felt as far away as Philadelphia and Baltimore …
… which means it was felt at Three Mile Island, too!!
::: WOO HOO!!! Three Mile Isla … wait. What?!? :::

3mileislandPartial core meltdown Three Mile Island?
::: I feel the earth move … :::

Full emergency evacuation Three Mile Island?!?
::: under my feet … :::

The most significant accident in the history of the American commercial nuclear power generating industry Three Mile Island?!?!?
::: I feel the sky tumbling down … :::

“We consider this a very minor event, something local,” said Dale Grant, a geophysicist at the USGS’s 24-hour earthquake monitoring office in Golden, Colo.

3mileisland1Oh, whew then … right?

‘Cuz I bet the unexpected and violent movement of the Earth’s crust close enough to be considered pretty much directly beneath the site of one of the worst radiationally enhanced accidents in US history looks MUCH better from about six states away.

Yup! I’m sure it’s all good.

I bet this sort of thing just goes along with the territory if you live in the general vicinity of deformed deer, damaged daisies, curious cases of cancer and decades-long situations of shit going 20 kinds of dead dead dead for which you have zero explanation other than the reassuring government reports of ‘ain’t nothin’ wrong here!!’

YUP! Nuuuuuthing to worry about Pennsylvanians!
Go on about your day …

December 29, 2008 at 3:40 pm 7 comments

Dumb in Dallas


Intersection of Stupid and DumbassThe PC Police are at it again … this time in Dallas County, Texas where a snoozer of a meeting about traffic tickets turned all kinds of nasty as quick as 1-2-3 over the use of one of the world’s most common astronomy terms.

1. Commissioner Kenneth Mayfield, who is white, said it seemed that central collections office “has become a black hole” because paperwork routinely gets lost there.

2. That caused Commissioner John Wiley Price, who is black, to shout “Excuse me!” before correcting his pigment-deficient colleague, saying the office has become a “white hole.” 

3. And that caused Judge Thomas Jones, also black, to demand an apology from whitey Mayfield for his racially insensitive comment.

Seriously people — this again?!?
I feel a crying jag coming on.

For the record …
Black Hole:
  • An area of space-time with a gravitational field so intense that its escape velocity is equal to or exceeds the speed of light.
  • A great void; an abyss: The government created a bureaucratic black hole that swallows up individual initiative.
    Source: American Heritage Dictionary

    White Hole:
  • The reversal of a black hole.
  • A theoretical celestial object that ejects matter.
    Source: Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)
  •  

    I’ll grant you, so far the 2008 Verbal Retardation Award has to go to the Brits who wanted to ban ‘brainstorming’ in favor of ‘thought showering’  — but these Dallas County Commissioners have definitely earned themselves a most dishonorable mention in the ’20 Kinds of Asshatednessly Overboard Responses’ subcategory.

    What other perfectly legit words and phrases will we next be asked to quit?
    Hmmmmmmm …..

  • Will we never have another black out?
    ::: Los Angelinos rejoice — right? :::
  • Do they stop searching for the black box after plane crashes?
  • Will companies have to stop reporting that they’re in the black?
    ::: Not many are actually doing that right now anyway :::
  • Should Sikorsky rename the Black Hawk helicopter — and (ACK!) what about Ridley Scott’s movie of the same name — guess that puppy’s got to be redone.
  • What’s to become of the folks currently living in Black Lick, Pennsylvania?
    ::: where o’ where will Aunt Midge’s mail go?!?!?! :::
  • Will Publix stop carrying black cherry soda?
  • Do I no longer have to fear black cats?
  • Can anarchists no longer fly their black flag?
  • Does Germany need to rename the Black Forest?
  • Will families no longer have black sheep?
    ::: don’t get excited Cleetus – you’ll always have that honor :::

  • God help the environmentalists once the aliens go PC …

    July 10, 2008 at 4:18 pm 6 comments



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