Posts tagged ‘penis’

Hours of fun

Accidental Dong dotcom

*Well, hours of fun if you’re three … like me …

February 19, 2010 at 11:15 am 1 comment

A brief word …

The Core Precision Undershirt was an interesting concept and all but I think this latest attempt at creative clothing borders on the worst kind of false advertising.


European retailer Debenhams is selling a sly little slice of seduction called Black Addict Push Up Hipster Trunks by Hom, which are man panties that pad the appearance of the peen.


The marketing blah blah on the Debenhams website sez:
The new push up design enhances the male anatomy through a lifting and support feature on the front of the briefs, the support is without compression thus allowing the wearer superb comfort.


Seriously, folks – this is wrong.

Oh shuddit MEN!
It is!

And don’t even try to bring up the push-up bra.

That is different!
It is!

With a push-up bra you at least know there are actual goodies for the grabbin’ during sexy time shenanigans.

With a push-up bra you can clearly see the rounded mounds of fleshy goodness standing up before you.

With a push-up bra (and a willing bra-wearer ;)) you can touch those tasties to authenticate the actuality of their existence.


With push-up manties, all I know is the deficit your dick delivers must be super-duper sizeable if it compels you put shit in your shorts so it’ll seem like you’re strappin’ … and, hon, in case you didn’t know –  that is just several semi trailers full of unsexy.



February 16, 2010 at 11:16 am 12 comments

Don’t try this at (the) home

Some poor old peepaw in upstate New York found out the hard way it’s not so easy to get your dick out of the ringer.

No, seriously — that’s, like, exactly what happened.

Firefighters were dispatched to the Newburgh campus of St. Luke’s Cornwall Hospital this weekend after hospital personnel asked them for tools to cut off a “ring”.
And by “ring” they meant a quarter-inch thick, inch-long steel pipe housing the private parts of a 73-year-old man trying to get his geriatric swerve on.
::: not a good look :::

Firefighters assessed the situation, probably had a hearty belly laugh or two and told some off-color jokes before choosing a “wizzer saw” – which is an automotive tool powered with air bottles frequently used in car crashes — to get grampy’s bacon out’ the brig.

In the end, it took more than an hour and a half to free Methuselah’s member, but the good news is father time will live to stroke his joystick another day.

RecordOnline: Quality Journalism Lives Here

October 27, 2008 at 11:17 am

Do NOT prey on the peen

Flaccid men everywhere – REJOICE!

The founder of Berkeley Premium Nutraceuticals, which makes the male enhancement drug Enzyte, was sentenced to 25 years in prison by a federal judge in Cincinnati.
::: Bob’s not smiling so much now … :::

The judge ruled that Steve Warshak,
soon to have this view —–>
convicted on charges including fraud and money laundering, must begin serving his 25-year sentence within 30 days.
::: fresh meat on the way, fellas – meet Steve Shawshank! :::

“This case is about greed,” the judge said.
::: NO SHIT! :::
“His family and the people who work for him are also victims of his greed.”
::: eh, I kinda gotta think they sorta kinda liked the money tho … :::

A federal jury found that Warshak, his company and several other defendants were guilty of victimizing thousands of their customers by misrepresenting their products.
::: you mean wheat grass and dirt doesn’t make a teeny peeny perk right the fuck up!?!:::

In addition to the prison sentence, the judge ordered the defendants to pay more than $500 million to the victims of their scheme.

Hey judge – does that ‘victim’ category include their horny, dissatisfied partners as well?

August 29, 2008 at 10:31 am 1 comment

Masticatory Misrepresentation?

Hey there fatty, wanna drop some tonnage?
Feel like trading in those itty bitties for some bigger, firmer breastesses?
Care to put the kibosh on those grody granny hot flashes?


And do you want to achieve all of the above with absolutely no commitment or effort whatsoever??


GOOD – because the shady charlatans at Zoft and their fabulous line of wonder gums can, for about $32 a pop, help you chew your way to full-on fabulosity!

Chomp your way to chestiness!

Smack your stress away!

Wear out your jaws for wondrous weight loss!

Munch away your menopausal misery with minty-freshness!

Heck – you can even grab a pack to perk up the peen!

But don’t take my word for it
::: I’m serious — do not take my word for it :::

Check out these completely fabricated and unverifiable testimonials …

 “I’ve been taking this product for over a month now and have lost 7 pounds. I couldn’t be more pleased! I also have much more level of energy..I guess it’s mainly because I’m lighter. I feel great!”
Well thumbs up to YOU, Sandra, 37, from Nevada – sloth and stupidity finally pay off!!!

“It effected nearly since day 1, After 3 weeks I’m using it – the results are great, highly recommend”.
Dan, 23, Los Angles
WOW – Thanks Dan from, err, Los Angles??? for that wonderfully ambiguous and moderately illiterate recommendation!

“Loved this product, will definitely order more, I feel much better. At the beginning I was skeptic, but it caused an improvement. Also shipping was super fast! Thanks a lot!”
Karyn, 25, Florida
Awesome Karyn!! I mean, I have no fucking clue what you’re talking about – but kudos on that phenominally super-fast delivery — you just don’t SEE that every day!!!

Anyone sampled the Double Bubble Butt yet?

August 20, 2008 at 1:06 pm 1 comment

This is the shit you bitches are reading

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