Posts tagged ‘parenting’

Judicial Change I Could Believe In


A heinous whore who tortured her child has been:
1. Denied any and all contact with her son
::: GOOD! :::
2. Sentenced to at least four years in prison
::: SLAMMERTIME!! :::
3. Ordered to receive parenting training
::: MOMMI … wait … what?! :::

22-year-old Tabitha Rich put her 33-month-old son butt-first into a pan of boiling water to punish the poor child for the grievous infraction common childhood condition of being constipated.
She also burned his foot with a cigarette and was responsible for other outrageous injuries …

… and yet – instead of barring that bitch from ever reproducing again, some schmuck judge gives her parenting training?!

I’d think the idea would be to prevent her from parenting for, like, EVER!

I mean, ok sure – that skank needs to study up — but wouldn’t it just be easier to obliterate her ovaries and seal her cervix so we don’t have to wait and worry when this MOTY candidate goes for the sequel?!

Because you know there would be one.

Frealz!
SOLUTIONIZE!

We accept the use of chemical castration for male sex offenders, such as rapists, pedophiles, and exhibitionists but then get all touchy when it comes to making it a permanent kind of NOT GONNA HAPPEN AGAIN when some wretched women abuses her offspring.

HYPOCRITICAL!

Cookie’s Conclusion: Just because she has a vagina doesn’t mean she’s mommy material and mommies who wound their wee ones should be forced to surgically forfeit the feminine fixtures of their fertility.

Bandwagon, anyone?

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December 16, 2009 at 11:02 am 2 comments

Straight. Up. TRIPPIN’!


GIVE THANKS BREADLINERS!

You may have lost your job, house, savings, mind, self-esteem and overall reason to live in this New Great Depression, but a smallish ray of sort of goodness has pierced the barren landscape of your crappy life!

Your kids aren’t sniffing as much of the shit you keep in the cabinet under the sink!
::: See? It’s not ALL bad! :::

Some pencil pushers at the Office of National Drug Control Policy researchified what little Johnny and his friends do when you’re not looking and GOOD NEWS!
Fewer teens are sniffing glue, lighter fluid, spray paint, shoe polish and other easy-to-find substances“.
::: One less thing, right?!? :::

About a million kids aged 12 to 17 used some kind of inhalant in 2007.
Only a mil? That’s GREAT! It’s only 3.9 percent of the adolescents who could have been rifling through your Raid collection!

And if you compare that totally marvy 3.9 to the monstrously gargantuan four point four percent doing sniffy snax in 2006 – well, it’s just nineteen kinds of semi-conclusive that we could be on the cusp of potentially maybe winning the war on drugs Krylon and Kingsford!!!
::: I’ll drink to that! :::

Some folks attribute the slumping huffy puffies to “ongoing efforts to educate teens about the dangers of inhalant use and encourage parents to discuss the issue with their children” – which sounds good when you’re trying to secure ongoing funding and all, but – if we’re being honest?
They’ve just moved on.
::: bummer, dude :::

According to the study, the oh-so readily-available inhalants you bring home from Target and keep within arm’s reach came in a dismal third (17.2%) as the go-to get-high move for kids dipping a toe in the warm waters of altered consciousness for the first time.

On the other hand, the Viagra, blood pressure and other prescription meds mommy and daddy don’t lock up had a more respectable second-place showing (23.5%).

But the perennial favorite, the Cadillac of herbal remedies, the crap your kids will reach for first whenever it’s time to get the party started was, is and forever will be (56.3%) — the stash of marijuana you didn’t think they knew you kept in the back corner of your sock drawer.

… So that’s where it went! Goddamned Little Lebowski Urban Achievers …

March 17, 2009 at 12:07 pm 1 comment

Why is …


Ricky Martin holding little Valentino and Matteo like that?!?

It looks painful … for the boys, that is.

That’s not the universal baby-hold I was taught.

They don’t look like they like it.

I know I don’t like it.

Stop it Ricky!

PHOTO

December 11, 2008 at 2:58 am 13 comments

Hope it wasn’t the bakky!


Let’s all lift poor little two-year-old family-planning victim Jayden James Spears Federline high UP in prayer today, y’all!

Cheetohead’s first child was admitted to the Southwest Mississippi Regional Medical Center yesterday after having “a reaction to something he ingested”.

Any guesses what it could possibly have been???

PHOTO

November 10, 2008 at 9:20 pm

That’ll teach her!


A 14-year-old Iowa teenager abandoned by her grandparents under Nebraska’s extremely loosely translated (and enforced) safe-haven law is back with the cranky codgers who didn’t want her.

Well that’s gotta be awkward!

Her ‘guardians’ said dumping the girl off on the state was meant to ‘teach her a lesson’.

Ahh, ok — teach her a lesson like, say, going to bed with no dinner? Grounding her from the television or telephone? Having to take on extra chores around the house?

No? Guess those would have been the pansy way of doing things.
::: what the heck did this kid do?!?!? ::: 

Can you imagine what the suppertime is like in that house?
Watching grampy gum his pudding while granny guzzles a fiber drink and screech at you in her crotchety old-woman voice …

“In my day, we didn’t have all these new-fangled gub’mint programs and fancy services! In my day we turned brats like you out into the wild to fend for yourselves … and we liked it!”

Oh yeah … good times.

October 10, 2008 at 10:44 am

Campbell Kid?


Child welfare advocates around the globe have been put on red alert:

Anger-management school dropout Naomi Campbell wants to reproduce.

“I understand when people say ‘Listen to your body, your body tells you’. So yes, I’d love to have a baby,” she told The Mirror UK recently.

So why hasn’t the international incident spewed forth her spawn?
::: luck? :::

“I didn’t want to have a child on my own.
::: Rage-omi is currently dating Russian businessman Vladimir Doronin … someone really outta warn him those sexy times are gonna have a heavy pricetag  … :::

“I know you can but I didn’t want to raise it the way I was raised.”
::: ‘it’ — how maternal :::

“… I would like to try it in the traditional way.”

And by ‘traditional’ she means barking orders via BlackBerry to a phalanx of diaper changers and an an army of assistants, nannies and baby product procurers.

Someone should warn her about the soft spot before it’s too late. Little heads don’t recover from crackberry smackdowns as quickly as grown folks.

Let’s keep poor little It, err, Chanel Vuitton Prada Dior Ungaro Givenchy Campbell lifted up in prayer … maybe Brad and Angie will have room for one more …

September 15, 2008 at 2:51 pm 1 comment

Just a word of caution for the ‘rents


R. Kelly

** If you have a daughter — keep close tabs on her.
We’re bettin’ he’s looking for the anger bang **

Who: R. Kelly

What: Not Guilty

When: Today

Where: Chicago

Why: Guess they like  their child porn in the Windy City …

 

June 13, 2008 at 8:54 pm 1 comment

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