Posts tagged ‘obese’

Hey K-FAT!


Maybe wanna try a salad?!?

Seriously, that trick’s gonna need his own fucking ZIP code soon if he doesn’t layoff the In-N-Out!
::: Or maybe he prefers BK … would that make him the BIG Mac daddy now? :::

October 2, 2009 at 10:35 am

Question for the ‘rents …

Is little Peggy a pre-school porker?
Is your darling boy Doug the resident daycare dimplebutt?
And what about cutsie Clarisse? Is she bringin’ the chunk to class each day?

Think it’s because you’ve had them on the Cocoa Puff and Twinkie diet since you weaned the little bitches off the bottle?

Well not so fast there, breeders!

Young Stan’s spare tire may be due more to the fact that he’s just stupid than to his yen for Yodels.

fatwaderIt’s true! And there’s a bunch of scientifical researchification that says so!!

See, there’s this stuff out there called ‘data’ that points to other stuff called ‘corrollaries’ between Chucky’s poor cognition shitty thinking abilities and his fat four-year-old fanny.

The latest comes from the big brains at the Center for Research in Environmental Epidemiology in Barcelona, who got all probey and found that preschool kids with above-average language, number, and puzzle solving skills were less likely to be overweight two years later when they were old enough to enter school.

Their findings – published in the American Journal of Epidemiology – show that smarter four-year-olds were less likely to be large six-year-olds and that six-year-olds with a surplus of skin had lower general limbthinking and verbal skills were dumber, on average, when they were four anyway.
::: heavy thigh :::

What happens after six wasn’t specifically addressed but my guess is it looks something like
<——— ūüėČ


August 14, 2009 at 1:17 pm 1 comment

It’s true: Nothing is sacred

I came across a nifty little product this morning and I’m all ‘hahaha – I KNEW it!’
Hold on to your control tops ladies¬†— our technology is out!

Apparently some men have done a reality check and are coming to grips with the fact that you can’t really¬†pledge everlasting love and devotion to pizza and beer while waging¬†a simultaneous¬†battle against the bulge.
:::¬†the first step is always admitting you have a problem …¬†:::

Yup Рthey have embraced their inner fatty tight enough to come up with their very own Spanx-type item.
::: FREALZ!!! :::

Equmen has introduced its ‘Core Precision Undershirt’ which¬†they tout as¬†“High-performance men’s underwear with engineered compression technology energizes the body with essential structure and support.”
::: That’s marketing tekkie talk for sexxay! :::

So, while I may not be a fan of Mantyhose, I will admit that any device that can take a piece of manmeat from this:

to this:

has got my blessing … in triplicate!

Now¬†which¬†one of you hot tater’s out there is¬†gonna model this shit for me?!?

December 1, 2008 at 5:47 pm 9 comments

Yes, I DO want extra fries with that miracle

Well pass the peanut butter and toss me a Twinkie — there’s hope for my hips on the horizon!

“Scientists hunting for a fat-burning drug have a new candidate that may help keep extra weight off, even on a high-fat diet.”
::: cornbread + bacon = fatty go bye bye?!? Get OUT!!! :::

miracleOh sweet light of heaven above – I’ve waited my whole life for this moment — to be rewarded for my complete committment and utter devotion to sloth and gluttony!

Don’t laugh!¬†This is serious! It’s a lifestyle not everyone can handle. You have to want it bad and answer tough questions every day!
Is there such a thing as too much butter?
Why can’t I fry everything in pork fat and cheese?
Is meat dipped in chocolate really a bad thing?

And now I know the answer:
:::: fat pill, oh fat pill –¬†I pledge my love to thee … :::

highfatmouseUnfortunately, it’ll be a while before I can suck down sausage gravy with wild abandon. The drug’s only in the ‘experimental’ phase.
::: Let me be a tester!! I have LOTS of experience with ‘chemical’ experimentation!!!! :::

It’s¬†called SRT1720¬†and has only been tested on mice, but when Mickey and Minnie¬†were given a¬†high dose of SRT1720 every day for three months, they didn’t gain weight on a high-fat diet.
::: so. Damned. EXCITED!!! Ahhhh!!!!! :::

What’s more, it boosted their metabolism, increased¬†endurance and strength AND didn’t make the mice go mental of eff with regular digestion.
::: giveittomenow!!! GIVEITTOMENOW!!!  GIVEITTOMENOW!!!!! :::

Everybody’s soon-to-be new bff is being developed by wonderful people I want to shower with love, doughnuts and chocolate milk who work for Sirtris Pharmaceuticals, a GlaxoSmithKline company.

Along with my bellybutton, I think¬†I just found my next stock purchase …

November 6, 2008 at 3:37 pm 2 comments

Meg Ryan is bringin’ the chunk

Nah – not really.

She brought out the Kirstie Alley fat suit for her role in the movie ‘My Mom’s Hot Boyfriend’ where her character goes from fat to foxxxay.

Movie sounds like a snoozer but I totally think she should keep the new look. At least that body matches those gigantor lip implants!

July 25, 2008 at 8:19 pm 3 comments

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