Posts tagged ‘obese’
Hey K-FAT!
Maybe wanna try a salad?!?
Seriously, that trick’s gonna need his own fucking ZIP code soon if he doesn’t layoff the In-N-Out!
::: Or maybe he prefers BK … would that make him the BIG Mac daddy now? :::
Question for the ‘rents …
Is little Peggy a pre-school porker?
Is your darling boy Doug the resident daycare dimplebutt?
And what about cutsie Clarisse? Is she bringin’ the chunk to class each day?
Yeah?
Think it’s because you’ve had them on the Cocoa Puff and Twinkie diet since you weaned the little bitches off the bottle?
Yeah?
Well not so fast there, breeders!
Young Stan’s spare tire may be due more to the fact that he’s just stupid than to his yen for Yodels.
It’s true! And there’s a bunch of scientifical researchification that says so!!
See, there’s this stuff out there called ‘data’ that points to other stuff called ‘corrollaries’ between Chucky’s poor cognition shitty thinking abilities and his fat four-year-old fanny.
The latest comes from the big brains at the Center for Research in Environmental Epidemiology in Barcelona, who got all probey and found that preschool kids with above-average language, number, and puzzle solving skills were less likely to be overweight two years later when they were old enough to enter school.
Their findings – published in the American Journal of Epidemiology – show that smarter four-year-olds were less likely to be large six-year-olds and that six-year-olds with a surplus of skin had lower general 
thinking and verbal skills were dumber, on average, when they were four anyway.
::: heavy thigh :::
What happens after six wasn’t specifically addressed but my guess is it looks something like
<——— 😉
It’s true: Nothing is sacred
I came across a nifty little product this morning and I’m all ‘hahaha – I KNEW it!’
Hold on to your control tops ladies — our technology is out!
Apparently some men have done a reality check and are coming to grips with the fact that you can’t really pledge everlasting love and devotion to pizza and beer while waging a simultaneous battle against the bulge.
::: the first step is always admitting you have a problem … :::
Yup – they have embraced their inner fatty tight enough to come up with their very own Spanx-type item.
::: FREALZ!!! :::
Equmen has introduced its ‘Core Precision Undershirt’ which they tout as “High-performance men’s underwear with engineered compression technology energizes the body with essential structure and support.”
::: That’s marketing tekkie talk for sexxay! :::
So, while I may not be a fan of Mantyhose, I will admit that any device that can take a piece of manmeat from this:
to this:
has got my blessing … in triplicate!
Now which one of you hot tater’s out there is gonna model this shit for me?!?
Yes, I DO want extra fries with that miracle
Well pass the peanut butter and toss me a Twinkie — there’s hope for my hips on the horizon!
“Scientists hunting for a fat-burning drug have a new candidate that may help keep extra weight off, even on a high-fat diet.”
::: cornbread + bacon = fatty go bye bye?!? Get OUT!!! :::
Oh sweet light of heaven above – I’ve waited my whole life for this moment — to be rewarded for my complete committment and utter devotion to sloth and gluttony!
Don’t laugh! This is serious! It’s a lifestyle not everyone can handle. You have to want it bad and answer tough questions every day!
Is there such a thing as too much butter?
Why can’t I fry everything in pork fat and cheese?
Is meat dipped in chocolate really a bad thing?
And now I know the answer:
WHO CARES!!
:::: fat pill, oh fat pill – I pledge my love to thee … :::
Unfortunately, it’ll be a while before I can suck down sausage gravy with wild abandon. The drug’s only in the ‘experimental’ phase.
::: Let me be a tester!! I have LOTS of experience with ‘chemical’ experimentation!!!! :::
It’s called SRT1720 and has only been tested on mice, but when Mickey and Minnie were given a high dose of SRT1720 every day for three months, they didn’t gain weight on a high-fat diet.
::: so. Damned. EXCITED!!! Ahhhh!!!!! :::
What’s more, it boosted their metabolism, increased endurance and strength AND didn’t make the mice go mental of eff with regular digestion.
::: giveittomenow!!! GIVEITTOMENOW!!! GIVEITTOMENOW!!!!! :::
Everybody’s soon-to-be new bff is being developed by wonderful people I want to shower with love, doughnuts and chocolate milk who work for Sirtris Pharmaceuticals, a GlaxoSmithKline company.
Along with my bellybutton, I think I just found my next stock purchase …
Meg Ryan is bringin’ the chunk
Nah – not really.
She brought out the Kirstie Alley fat suit for her role in the movie ‘My Mom’s Hot Boyfriend’ where her character goes from fat to foxxxay.
Movie sounds like a snoozer but I totally think she should keep the new look. At least that body matches those gigantor lip implants!
Food for thought
We’re Number One!!
We’re Number One!!
We’re Num … wait. What?
Crap. Wrong kind of number one …
According to a weighty government survey, the South is (once again) the portliest part of the good ol’ US of A.
DANGIT SOUTHERN PEOPLE!!!!
Can we please be number one for something positive?!?
ACK!!!
Maybe I’m overreacting.
After all, the findings are pretty much the same as they were in each of the the three previous years this fat-finding mission was performed.
::: hooray for artery-clogging consistency?!? :::
Mississippi, the perpetual red-headed stepchild of America, has reigned as Queen Supreme Pudgie Pot every year since 2004. But the rest of the region got surprisingly supersized and now the competition is ON!
Alabama, Tennessee, West Virginia and Louisiana all embraced their inner backfat and have been bringin’ the chunk harder than ever!
Collectively, these four fatties have made so much peace with being obese that there’s almost nothing that sets them apart from Mississippi when it comes to the all important fat stat.
::: heavy thigh :::
Making up the ‘Top Ten Most Ginormous and Jiggliest States’ are:
1. Mississippi, now with 32.0% more lardass
2. Alabama, showing a sizeable 30.3 % bigger spare tire
::: You are my Heart of Dixie!! Just a little more bacon and you can be Number One, girlfriend!! :::
3. Tennessee, showing 30.1% heavier thunder thighs
4. Louisiana, packing 29.8% more junk in the trunk
5. West Virginia, with a whopping 29.5% bigger deep-fried backside
6. Arkansas, proudly packin’ on 28.7% more blubber butt
7. South Carolina, balancing picnic plates on 28.4% bigger buddha bellies
8. Georgia, cramming cookies into 28.2% chunkier cheeks
9. Oklahoma, outdoing itself with 28.1% more Oreo eating
10. Texas, bringing up a fabulously fattier rear with it’s 28.1% more flabtastic weigh-in
‘Experts’ think the traditional Southern diet — high in fat and fried food — may be partly to blame.
Bacon Doughnut Egg Burger, Belva?
This is the shit you bitches are saying