Posts tagged ‘News’

This is some Cirque du Soleil shit!

Don’t hate.
Admit it — these bitches are BADASS!!

May 17, 2010 at 10:03 am 3 comments

You Won’t Wish You Were Here

Ever had one of those moments you wish you could rewind and go back to before it ever happened and do the one crucial thing that didn’t happen in the first place to prevent it from actually happening?

I had one of those this morning.

Mr. Cookie and I have a routine on some Saturdays where we end up at the beach the very first thing in the morning. It’s a nice way to start the day — especially for people like me who (for the past several months) simply cannot sleep.

It’s relaxing.

Well, usually it’s relaxing.

This time it wasn’t.

This time I saw two people die at the beach.

An older couple – Barbara Agelatos, 57, and Denis Agelatos, 70 – from Albany, Georgia drowned in an unguarded area of a local public beach — caught in rough surf and dangerous rip currents they couldn’t escape.

It’s just a sobering thing to witness – even from too far away to really know what’s happening … but let’s be honest, you know what’s happening.

I wish I could go back to the moments just before they walked into that water. I wish I could have been there to caution them against wading into that water. I wish anyone had.

I keep thinking about the Agelatos in that water together. In trouble in that water together. Trying to help each other out of trouble in that water. And knowing that water was winning.

I keep thinking about their family and hoping they are able to find some peace in this saddest of situations … but let’s be honest, they probably won’t for some time yet.

I think about the two men who worked tirelessly to help them until more help and the police and paramedics arrived … and I hope those two men know how amazing they are for doing all they could just in an impossible situation.

I think that’s all I have for today …

May 15, 2010 at 10:00 pm 6 comments

Apparently, I don’t heart me

I work.
I work a lot.
And (like it’s a big secret here at LIAC?!) lately I am working more than ever.

I say I don’t mind.
It’s project-related.
It’s not long-term.

But I kind of mind.
And Mr. Cookie REALLY minds.

For all of the good reasons you’re already thinking.

Plus one.

According to a new study, I’m screwed.

See, a bunch of big brains over at the Finnish Institute of Occupational Health and University College London pooled their gray matter to do some serious CSI-type researchification on the long-term damage being overworked can do.

It was no great revelation that being overworked is bad for you.
That’s the kind of 2+2 shit I can work out in my own head.

What was just the teensiest smidge of uh oh was reading that people (like me) who work more than 10 hours a day (HAHAHAHA – only TEN? Fucking lightweights!) are about 60% more likely to develop heart disease or have a heart attack than people who clock just seven hours a day.

I am so screwed!

The study followed more than 6,000 British civil servants with no history of heart disease for an average of 11 years.
During the study, a total of 369 people had heart attacks (some of them fatal) or were diagnosed with heart disease after seeking medical attention for chest pain.


Fuckitalltohellandbacknow I need a drink … and I’d HAVE one too … if I wasn’t at work …


May 13, 2010 at 11:14 am 4 comments


Throughout the year — every year — things happen that let you know exactly where you are chronologically.

You don’t even have to ask.
You need only look and you know!

When the sea of pastel stretches as far as the eye can see – Easter cannot be far behind.

When I’m accosted by little girls dressed in green begging me to buy Shortbreads and Do-si-dos on my way into Publix — I know the annual monthlong child-labor church/school/community/other ‘let’s make a deal’ extravaganza has only just begun.

When I see anything made of red felt cloth with white bushy anything around it — or holly, holly’s a dead giveaway — I know it’s July or August and retailers are working their ‘great value’ voo-doo to separate me from my Christmas cash before I can even say LABOR DAY!

And when I behold The Magnificent Pile — I know the beginning of Hurricane Season is scant days away.

And lo and behold – The Magnificent Pile appeared before me this very day!

Actually – I spotted many such piles in my neighborhood but none are EVER as glorious, as spectatular a sight, as magical an ocular indulgence as The Magnificent Pile my neighbor assembles every year!

Palm fronds, coconuts, bouganvilla and hibiscus!
Overgrowth, mulch, moldy cypress chips and dead shrubbery!!
::: And citrus! Because we know how much rats loooove citrus!!! :::

The Magnificent Pile knows no bounds!
She welcomes all comers to decompose en masse in 100-degree weather atop the biggest storm drain in the cul-de-sac.

Afternoon spring rains be damned!
The Magnificent Pile will not be deterred.

There is no great gardening need for my neighbor for six whole months!
The probability of Mother Nature’s pissiosity devastating the dwelling my neighbor so loves is nothing more than a harmful thought for six whole months!!
The likelihood of my neighbor losing insurance is a joke for six whole months!!!

That’s party time in SoFla, bitches!
No need for my neighbor to cut, snip, trim or rake for six whole months!
That’s just how he likes to we roll.

Until sometime before June 1 … when The Magnificent Pile appears like an angel of the Lord to let everyone know that the time of the impending and unforeseen is upon us and he we must clean and cull his our vegetative waste with all due haste …

… or fear a sequel to the weather war that was 2004!

Three weeks and counting …

May 9, 2010 at 9:04 pm 1 comment


Cat person or not — crap like this should make you want to immediately stop whatever you’re doing and go coin-diggin’ in the car or couch so you can start a collection or host a telethon or some shit to help these heinous humans BUY A GODDAMNED CLUE!!!!!


Meet the Eskew family of Port St. Lucie, Florida: Jackbag James, Shithead Sheila and Jessica, their dumbass daughter.

These evolutionary-scale throwbacks were arrested on animal cruelty charges after they decided it would be just a big ol’ slice of HELL YEAH to pack up everything for their pending move to North Cackalackee.

And by ‘pack up everything‘ I mean force more than 20 of their furry friends into wooden boxes coffins, nail the lids closed and dump ’em in the neighbor’s yard.


Now — animal cruelty charges are all find and good (actually — it’s the LEAST that should happen to these sick tricks) but I think this troublesome trio should also be charged with whatever criminal thingamabob, trip to detention or mark on their permanent records goes along with depriving the larger community of what couldda been catastically comical!


I mean, have they never had the pleasure of the LOLCATS pussies?
Are they not hip to the trip that is a YouTube kitty vid?!!?!?!


Get with the program inbreeders!
Don’t make me invoke the spirit of Beethoven and come after your retarded asses!!


May 4, 2010 at 3:56 pm 3 comments

The Holy Braille

Lisa Murphy is a sweet, sweet slice of the rare comingling of awesomeness and ingenuity rarely seen these days.

She’s a visionary – one of those bold thinkers who dare to do what others won’t: Bring boobies and booty to the blind.


Murphy has launched a porn mag for the vision-impaired called Tactile Minds which contains tingle-inducing text alongside raised images of nekkidness – all of which you can enjoy for around $230 US!
::: digs for checkbook :::

She said that she made the book after realising that the ‘blind have been left out in a culture saturated with sexual images’.

“We’re breaking new ground,” she explained. “Playboy has an edition with Braille wording, but there are no pictures.”

Murphy’s masterpiece contains 17 provacative pics, including:
A naked woman in a ‘disco pose’
::: Donna Summer? :::
A woman with ‘perfect breasts’
::: Wait. I don’t remember posing for that … :::
A ‘male love robot’
::: Like the one in my undie drawer? 😉 :::

I love this idea! Braille imagery for everyone!!

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April 14, 2010 at 10:26 am 3 comments

Dumb Bitch of the Day

Or Dumb Bitches … not sure … don’t care …

I do know that the dumb bitch(es) who are responsible for the fuckupery that was yesterday’s headline hierarchy need a good old-fashioned (dumb) bitchslappin’!


I mean, little Ryne Hicks looks all adorable and whatnot hangin’ off of Flavor Flav’s next necklace and everything, and I’m sure his parents are just soooo proud of their precious snowflake and all but, uhh, is it just me or does it seem odd fucking ridiculous to slot a story about the third-place winner in the 2009 Year of Alabama Small Downtown Contest as your lede?

I mean, I’m not a mathmetician or third-place statewide poetry winner or anything but, uhh, isn’t that like TWO away from first (neither of which even rate a fucking mention in the story?!?!?)?

Eh, but maybe the dumb bitch(es) who decisionize shit placement on stuck it there because that crapass piece of homepage ‘art’ was the best they could do?

… not sure … don’t care …

April 13, 2010 at 10:13 am 3 comments

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