Posts tagged ‘nasty’

Dear Delta Airlines …


hatedelta
It’s true … but let’s be clear …

I don’t hate Delta Airlines because they have compromised scheduling.
I don’t hate Delta Airlines because they have crappy in-flight movies.
I don’t hate Delta Airlines because their planes smell funkerrific.
I don’t hate Delta Airlines because they can’t control the weather.

I hate Delta Airlines because when ‘things happen’ – as is the natural course of ‘things’ – Delta Airlines and it’s shitass staff are incapable of handling it in a courteous and professional manner … or, well, sheeeeeyut – at ALL!

When my flight Sunday was delayed due to bad weather at my connect — the good old ATL — I took it as an unforeseen opportunity to write a bit on the book.
I’m a multi-tasker like that!

When we took off more than an hour late, I didn’t sweat it because all of the other planes headed to or leaving from Atlanta were late too!
We’re all in the same boa … err … plane!

When we finally landed in Atlanta, taxied to our gate and sat there like caged mice for an extra half hour because, according to our inept flight crew leader Debbie Dinbleberry, ‘hehe, umm, teehee, the jetway seems to be broken … we are soooooooo sorry!!!’ — I interpreted that to mean the crew understood that our initial delay was being further exascerbated by this mechanical problem and were on the radio hard at work getting information about connecting flights for their hostages passengers.
HAHAHAHAHA!!!

They weren’t.

‘I am sooooooo sorry!!!’ Dinglebutt laments over the public address system. ‘We have alerted ALL of the people who need to be notified about this and they are ALL going to get on this as soon as they can so that we can get everyone safely to their next destination!! Thanks for choosing Delta!!’

They are notifying ‘people’ about the jetway malfunction so we know that there ARE working radios on board, yet no one thinks to get information about connecting flights?!
Beads of sweat form on the upper lip of the woman behind me headed to Rotterdam.

32 minutes later …
‘That was a WONDERFUL dress rehearsal for the real thing everyone!’ Dinglefuck instructs the huddled masses. ‘Now, if we could all take our seats, the captain has been given a gate change assignment so we can all go home!’

By the time we rolled to the new gate and everyone had deplaned, everyone’s connection
— let me repeat —
EVERYONE’S CONNECTION had been missed.

Oh, but it wasn’t just our flight. It happened all over the airport.
And you know what?
I have NO problem with flights getting missed or cancelled or whatnot.

Weather happens!

What I DO have a problem with is an airline so apparently completely unprepared to deal with ‘things’.

Adding insult (i.e. dumbfuck in-flight crew leader) to injury (i.e. terminals customer_serviceoverflowing with pissy passengers) were the Delta Airlines ‘customer service’ gals — whose only talent as far as I could tell were making elder persons cry, ignoring the infirm and shouting ‘EXCUUUUSE ME, SIR!’ to anyone who had the audacity to *gasp* inquire about getting on another flight or Delta’s hotel voucher policy.
::: takes ALL the fun out of people watching! :::

Just so you know — if you are unlucky (or braindead) enough to have booked a Delta Airlines flight and you get bumped, miss your connect or, well, just have a question you need an answer to — that is NOT what Delta Customer Service does, mmmkay??

But — if you want to be maligned, ignored or just made to feel like you are the biggest boil on the butt of humanity — Delta Customer Service definitely has something to say to YOU!

And FUDELTA1to Delta Airlines I say a heartfelt and well-deserved Fuck You.

I didn’t fly you for a long time but gave you another shot … and was rudely reminded why, exactly, it was I stopped choosing Delta.

I DO have many choices when it comes to air travel and it won’t be with you – ever again.

Oh and not for nothing — but the children of the very old, wheelchair-bound woman should sue your sorry asses for paying a truly unholy hellbeast to scream at her for 10 solid minutes because she committed the grievous infraction of not understanding how she would get home after missing her flight (and kudos to the group who stepped in on her behalf).
Seriously kids — if you do, email me for the depo!

September 21, 2009 at 8:20 pm 5 comments

A bum idea


I recycle.
I drive an energy-efficient automobile.
I use kitchen towels instead of paper ones.
I turn off the water while I soap up in the shower.
I unplug all appliances and most other things before I leave the house.

Every day I try to make choices that will lighten my personal carbon footprint – but, you know, I just have to draw the line at this shit!

Wallypop Cloth Toilet Wipes

Yessir! The wacky naturalists over at Wallypoo are promoting the application of the cloth-diaper concept to the very results-oriented adult butt.

Cloth.
As in REUSABLE.
A
s in peepee pads and shit sopper-uppers  that your ecological ass has to touch, store, tranport and ultimately *blech* clean — you know, so you can have that same stank fun all over again!
::: vomitus interruptus ::: 

According to their craptastic website:
“Using cloth wipes for urine-only visits to the bathroom is so simple it’s hardly worth mentioning.
Go, wipe, and then toss the wipe into whatever container you prefer.”
::: Nuh uh, sorry … I prefer the circular stream of water in the big porcelain bowl that makes it all go bye bye for, like EVER! :::

“Using cloth wipes for other toilet visits is not any more difficult, but there is a certain ick factor involved.”
::: YA THINK?!? :::

“Consider how much waste you’re willing to leave on your children’s diapers or wipes when you toss them in the pail.”
::: … willing … to … WHAT??? :::
” Use the same standards for yourself.”
::: Bwuhhh? :::
“Shake, scrape, swish, or squirt off anything you don’t want in your laundry, and then toss the wipe into the pail or container.”
::: Phffflick! Blickkk! ACK!!! :::

NO!
I won’t do it!!
I CAN’T!!!

I’d pick leaves! Newspaper! Even the hurtful half-ply sheets of generic brand sandpaper the dollar store sells before I’d willingly walk the caca colonnade.

Oh hell, I’m so grossed out picturing people packing up their poo that I just may never eat (or excrete) again!!

* Now that’s eco-friendly! *

February 27, 2009 at 6:31 pm 7 comments

POP QUIZ!!!


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OK OK OK – Can anyone tell me what these two hoochie twats have in common?

Is it:
1.) A deep love of peroxide?
2.) The Jaclyn Smith collection at K-Mart?
3.) The two-for-one burger bonanza at Checkers?
4.) A penchant for prepubescent peen?

From the looks of these, uhh, “ladies” you might logically conclude 1, 2 OR 3 … but it’s actually Number Four that binds these bitches together as sisters in sin.
::: Calling SHAME – party of two? SHAME – party of two … :::

yuckHo’bag on the left is 45-year-old Elizabeth Gaddy, who likes Maybelline products, long walks on the beach and gettin’ touchy with 13-year-old schoolboys at her house or on a dirt road or, you know, wherever … 

And the raggedy piece of dried-up skank on the right is 44-year-old Joan Tuckruskye, who likes to get nekkid in the back of her Nissan Pathfinder and offer [you guessed it] 13-year-olds a slice of her fuit-pie nasties.

You know, not for nothin’ here, but there really outta be a national outreach program dedicated to training our youth in Black Ops evasion techniques and supersweet Ninja moves so they can bust a bitch UP and swing on outta there whenever one of these post-menopausal mastodons makes a move on their jubbly bits.

No joke!
Teach the children … and teach them well – because you can NEVER underestimate the destructive power of Avon perfume, Strawberry Hill and needy middle-aged vag strapped with little-boy LoJack … that shit will mess you UP!

December 19, 2008 at 3:39 pm 11 comments

Wicked Witch of the North found – in Michigan!


Kids in Gross Pointe Farms, Michigan got a real scare this Halloween … from the Wicked Witch of the North herself – homeowner Shirley Nagel – who handed out candy exclusively to the offspring of admitted McCain supporters.
::: No Kit-Kats or M&M’s for YOU, Obama brats! :::

Nasty Nagel brought out the Snickers, Skittles and Starburst on Friday night but refused the sweet treats for all those who didn’t share her support for the Republican presidential candidate and his running mate Sarah Palin.
::: oh yeah, THAT’LL teach ’em! :::

A sign outside her house reads:
“No handouts for Obama supporters, liars, tricksters or kids of supporters.”

After calling O’Beautiful “scary” she said it was just fine and dandy to turn children away – empty handed and crying on Halloween — because “Everybody has a choice.”
::: Keep it classy, Shirley – keep it classy! ::: 

Check election idiocy in all its raging glory on YouTube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jbkBE0lWeYU

November 2, 2008 at 2:41 pm 7 comments


This is the shit you bitches are reading


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