Posts tagged ‘murder’

Adventures in Piss-Poor Parenting


Old and busted: Grounding your kid for punishment
New hotness: Making your kid murder something for punishment

Well, at least for one mentally-challenged mother in Georgia, it is.

Move over Jo-Jo ‘Tat Mom’ Marsh – there’s a new Queen of the Decidedly Dumbass!

Meet Lynn ‘Do my Crazy, Vacant, Googly Eyes Make Me Look Like A Batshit Crazy Crackah’ Middlebrooks Geter —–>

Lynn’s response to her son’s shitty report card wasn’t sending him to bed with no dinner, taking away his PlayStation or locking up the Webkinz.

Hell to the no!
Lynn’s not down with that tried-and-true shit!
She believes a lesson isn’t truly learned unless a sin’s been duly earned!

And so, for the grievous infraction of failing subtraction [or whatever the hell he came up short on] — Lynn thought the best way to impress upon her son the importance of academic excellence was to hand over a hammer and have him act as hitman on his own hamster.
::: Appropriate Response ULTRAFAIL :::

The day after his mom forced him to kill his beloved pet, Lynn’s  12-year-old soon-to-be-plagued-with-horrific-flashbacks son told his teacher … who reported it to DFCS authorities … who contacted police … who arrested Mommy Muttonhead and charged her with one count each of animal cruelty, child cruelty and battery.
::: Appropriate Response SUCCESS :::

If this is how she supervises schoolwork, can you just imagine how that trick handled potty training!?

Yikes.
* mad props to saratoday for the heads-up on this heinous ho *

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January 26, 2010 at 11:53 am 3 comments

Well … DUUUHHHH!


A 33-year-old San Antonio woman is charged with capital murder after decapitating her newborn son and then trying to kill herself with a kitchen knife.

According to the police report, when officers arrived her home Sunday, they found the Otty Sanchez’s newborn son in a back bedroom.

Sanchez told officers that the devil made her kill her child, the report stated.

“That leads us to believe she was experiencing some type of mental crisis when this incident happened,” Rios said.

YA THINK?!?!?

 

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July 27, 2009 at 5:30 pm 3 comments

R.I.P Steve McNair


art.steve.mcnair.giSteve McNair and his girlfriend reportedly shot to death inside her Nashville apartment.

What.
The.
FUUUUUCK?!?!?!?!?

ACK! 

McNair, 36, spent 13 seasons in the NFL, the majority with the Tennessee Titans, before announcing his retirement in April 2008. He spent his last two seasons with Baltimore Ravens and he was the NFL’s co-MVP in 2003.

What in the fuckety FUCK is going on people?!?
Seriously — this is the last motherfucking R.I.P post I want to do for, like, EVER, ok?
Shit.

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July 4, 2009 at 10:13 pm

Big Brother IS watching!


Good news, breadliners!

Your government cares about you!

Well, ok. Maybe not you, Mr. L.A. Dude who offed your whole family govmybadlast year over your mounting financial mess.
Or you, Mr. Ohio Guy who was so worried about money that X-ing out the fam was, apparently, the only option.
And, ok, not you, Mr. Pennsylvania Businessman who’s fiscal failures led to things gettin’ all shooty with the missus.
And, well uh, if we’re being honest —  you either, Mr. San Fran Skin-Care Clinic owner who mistook your lagging sales as a sign it was time to liquidate your loved ones …  

… but for the rest of you sad sacks out there not yet driven to do in those dearest to you – your government wants you to know it cares about you!

It does!
They even set up a super special website to prove it!!

govheroGetting Through Tough Economic Times” — an inadequately-titled guide intended to provide “practical advice on how to deal with the effects financial difficulties can have on your physical and mental health” — launched in the wee hours overnight.
::: … guess no one liked the more aptly-titled ‘How To Deal When Your World’s Gone To Shit’ … :::

On this little corner of the interwebs, the feds will educate your impovrished ass about depression, suicidal thinking and other mental illnesses.
::: Because who knows better about depression and suicidal thinking than government workers, right? :::

govnokillIt lays out the warning flags for: Persistent sadness/crying; Excessive anxiety; Lack of sleep/constant fatigue; Excessive irritability/anger. 
::: Oh. Those aren’t just regular conditions of life now? :::

So, if you’re unsure whether your spouse has slaughter in his/her heart?
If you’re worried that crushing debt is making the one you hold dear consider dumping your dead body in a ditch??
If you’re concerned that paying the bills has poisoned your partner against you???

Don’t take matters into your own ignorant hands!
Consult Uncle Sam – your hard times BFF!

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March 31, 2009 at 1:23 pm 1 comment

In Bay City it’s pay up … or DIE!


Hey — way to go, Bay City, Michigan Utility Nazis!

Your black-hearted money grubbery at the pinnacle of this New Great Depression now has a body count!

93-year-old Marvin E. Schur died “a slow, painful death” after he fucking FROZE TO DEATH inside his own home — mere days after you limited his use of electricity.

Bay City’s Manager, Robert Belleman said the the city didn’t do anything wrong because the nearly century old human being owed Bay City Electric Light & Power more than $1,000. So, see? They were forced — FORCED I tell you – to freeze him the fuck OUT!

baycitymichNow, $1,000 in unpaid bills is a lot, I’ll grant you. But at some point during the accrual process wouldn’t you think there’d have been a phone call or, ooo I know – a visit to Mr. Schur’s home to check the sitch???
I mean that would have been easy considering his house is only ONE GODDAMNED MILE FROM THE GODDAMNED UTILITY OFFICE!!!!

Uh huh — a proactive approach — what about it fellas?? Ever think of that???

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Umm, yeah — looks like a big cuppa negatory on that one!

And it’s too bad, because, according to their website, at the close of 2008, Bay City Electric, Light & Power owned and operated utility assets of $64 million with total annual revenues of approximately $25.6 million.

Buuuut, instead of tapping their own admittedly robust resources in fine mistzvah fashion …
or getting really radical and working out some sort of payment plan …
or doing the unthinkable and asking for donations to help the poor old man …
OR – oh hell, just making the smallest of efforts to go that extra smidge and contact folks who, like, help needy elderly people??? (… like, oh I dunno – say, the ones on the list of ‘Agencies and Organizations Providing Emergency Help’ that’s fucking LISTED ON THEIR OWN FUCKING WEBSITE!!! ACK!!!)
Ohhhh no.

Instead of foolin’ with of any of that shit – the Bay City bastards did things another way.

The greedysonofabitchfuckingheartlessasshole way.

They installed a “limiter” device to restrict the use of electricity at the old man’s home

… in the middle of WINTER …

… in MICHIGAN!

The nifty little device limits the power coming into a home and, as an added bonus,  blows out like a fuse if consumption rises past a set level.

But the best part?
The power doesn’t get restored until the device is reset.

Belleman said city workers keep the limiter on houses for 10 days, then shut off power entirely if the homeowner hasn’t paid utility bills or arranged to do so.

But they didn’t have to do that in Marvin Schur’s case.

NOSIREEEE!!!!
It only took them four days to kill him, instead of the policy-mandated 10.

See, somehow, the limiter was tripped sometime between the January 13  installation and the January 17 discovery of his frozen deadness.

At the time his poor neighbors found him, the temperature inside his house was below 32 degrees and ice had formed in the kitchen and on the inside of his windows.

“It’s not easy to die from hypothermia without first realizing your fingers and toes feel like they’re burning,” said Kanu Virani, Oakland County’s deputy chief medical examiner, who performed the autopsy.

Ever the PR machine, Belleman was quick to lay blame smack DAB where you’d expect: On the neighbors!!

“I’ve said this before and some of my colleagues have said this: Neighbors need to keep an eye on neighbors,” he alibied. “When they think there’s something wrong, they should contact the appropriate agency or city department.”

Stay classy Bay City … stay classy

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ACK!!!!!

January 27, 2009 at 2:33 pm 34 comments

Hillbilly Hicksquad 1 – Wascally Wabbits 0


A report of gunfire within city limits sends the police running to a wooded area near Titusville, Alabama.
::: Oooo gunfire — that sounds SERIOUS!! ::: 

“We saw four males and they started running,” said South Precinct Sgt. Gary Clark
::: Evasion tactics! WOW!!! :::

“When we caught them, they had a shotgun and bag full of rabbits.” 
::: … a bag fulla… uhh, whuh?!? :::

Oh sure, it’s against the law to fire a gun within the city limits and all and I’m sure the folks living in that neighborhood had nooooo problem whatsoever with the moonlight morons ‘cuz the kindly poeleece mayun said the bunny blasters didn’t know they were breaking the little ol’ law by gettin their Elmer Fudd on — so no harm no foul, right?!?
::: uhh, technically … I guess? ::: 

“It was tense for a moment because we didn’t know what we had,” he  said. “… it was a good thing that they weren’t shooting somebody.” 
::: HAHAHAHA — you said it, Sarge! Can you imagine?!? A bag full of … oh I dunno, dead baby or something?!? HAHAHA – good thing indeed!!! ::: 

One man had an outstanding warrant and *SHOCK* was taken into custody – but the others were allowed to leave and take their bag full of dead bunny on home.
::: Sumpin’ fer thuh missus, Yee-HAW!!! ::: 

“Country boys — that’s all they were,”  the kindly poeleece mayun said.
::: prolly MY dumbass rellies ::: 

I guess we have to assume the good ol’ boys had a good ol’ hunting license and didn’t go over their good ol’ kill limit of 8 … eh, whatevs – season ends February 28, boys — better git ta gittin’!!

January 25, 2009 at 8:23 pm 15 comments

A Very Casey Christmas


caseychowFor Casey Anthony, this year’s Christmas will be much like today … and yesterday … and the day before … and the day before that … except with better food!
<———
::: so that’s one  in the PLUS column … :::

But being held in protective custody means she’ll have to eat her holiday meal all by her lonesome.
::: … so that  goes in the MINUS column then … :::

Buuutt — protective custody also keeps her safe from the Christmas shanking Big Liz over in cellblock B was planning to give her this year.
::: mmmkay – ‘nuther for the PLUS column … :::

Ehh, but “due to her status she will not be eligible to attend any of the Christmas programs being offered by the jail’s three ministries,” a jail spokesman, said via email.
::: ruh roh – that one’ll get ya one more  in the MINUS column … :::

Oh but don’t feel bad — she may be a Naughty List All-Pro Hall of Famer, but she’s not going totally without on this holiday which falls a mere 6 days after the remains of a child found less than a quarter mile from her home were positively identified as her ‘missing’ two-year-old daughter, Caylee.

Nosiree!

Records show she spent $68.24 from her jail account to place a little Christmas order for herself that included food, snacks, drinks and a sketch pad. Her inmate account now has a balance of $332.62.
::: So that’s a Casey Christmas Plus Column WIN with a final score of
 TO  … :::

Ho Ho … uh uh … hell no …

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December 24, 2008 at 4:08 pm 2 comments

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