Posts tagged ‘mother nature’

Hallow-LEAN?


North Korea test launching five short-range missiles? Big whoop.
Swine *cough* flu *wheeze* vaccine shortages? So *sniff* what.
Bleak economic and jobs outlook for 2010? Who cares.

Why?

Because Mother Nature is fucking with the fall holidays, y’all!

The unusually wet wet weather that bitch has been bringing is wreaking all-out HAVOC on Halloween and thinning out the offerings on your Thanksgiving table by leaving a paucity of pumpkins in her wake!

“It has been a weird weather situation,” said Bob Richard of Cox Farms of Virginia. “Usually we have no trouble at all getting brokers to bring us pumpkins. But Pennsylvania farmers are seeing yields down 50 to 70 percent.”

OH NO!!! 50 TO 70 PERCENT!!!!!
This is nothing short of pumpkin PANDEMONIUM!

I don’t think there are enough EXCLAMATION POINTS in the world to illustrate the sheer severity of the situation!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(OK … maybe there are …)

“We have as many as we need to get through Columbus Day weekend, our busiest time, but we are concerned about what will happen next week.”
Umm, he means this week then, right?
Right.

PUMPKIN PANDEMONIUM!

And it’s not just the Cox in Virginia that’s suckin’ it.
Pumpkin patchers in Pennsylvania, Maryland, New England and, well, EVERYWHEREUSA are suffering.

SUFFERING!!!

“If you saw our field, you’d say it looks beautiful,” pumpkin producer Edward LeBlanc said. “You would say, ‘Wow, look at all the pumpkins.’ But we’d be saying, ‘Wow, look at all the pumpkins that aren’t going to quite make it,’ or ‘Look at all the pumpkins that aren’t going to be large enough size to sell.’

And isn’t THAT just a roundaboutcircuitiousway of saying SHORTAGE!!!!

SHORTAAAAAGE!!!!!

What’s to become of our pumpkin-based holidays???

libbys-canned-pumpkin-de-1No more creepy carvings?
::: Damn, and it’s always so much fun watching little Timmy fumble around with daddy’s knife :::
Will Ned not get seconds of granny’s Punkin’ Pie?
::: Ehh, that one’s not so terrible … her tart will go on … :::
And just WHAT – pray tell – is to become of South Carolina’s Pumpkin Princess Pageant?
::: Stagemom meltdown in 3 … 2 … :::

ACK!
This is terrible!

May the gourd have mercy on our souls!

SOURCE

October 13, 2009 at 10:23 am 2 comments

Laura Bush is a tool


Laura Bush is a toolA catastrophic tropical cyclone (aka hurricane) hit the Southeast Asian country of Myanmar (aka Burma) early Saturday and the White House got all blamey on Monday and trotted out Cindy Lou Who (aka Laura Bush) to denounce the Mayanmar government response to the disaster.

I’d say this bitch has balls, but it’s Laura Bush. She just smiles into the camera and says what she’s told.

After all, it’d be kinda hard for Shrub to get up there and act all self-righteous and critical of another government’s response to disaster after taking nearly as long to get to New Orleans after Katrina as it took God to make the friggin’ WORLD.

 

May 6, 2008 at 12:17 am 6 comments


This is the shit you bitches are reading


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