Posts tagged ‘medicine’

That crack is WAK, yo!


Because I just don’t see it.

I don’t!

I mean – I can FEEL that shit, but I don’t SEE that shit.

See, that’s my knee down there (HI KNEE!) and, according to the HBIC at the walk-in I limped-in yesterday it’s cracked … maybe … possibly … so go see an orthopedic surgeon to find out for sure if that bitch is truly busticated.

So I did.
‘Cept he wasn’t sure either.

So now The Cookie’s gonna get her MRI on (NO SNEEZING, LIE STILL) tomorrow and maybe, possibly find the fuck out for good!.

Which makes me all ‘Really?!? Didn’t you guys learn how to read an X-Ray on, like, day 1 of doctor school or something?’

Because I sure can’t. But I don’t have to.
Because it’s a pretty well-established indisputable 100 kinds of true FACT that I am not a doctor or a nurse or a nurse practitioner or a medical assistant or the front-desk lady who gives out lollies.

But they are, which is why this ho hooks up with healing-types when her shit brings the hurt.

I go see people who are supposed to know shit so they can look at my shit and tell me how to fix that shit!

‘Cept modern medicine’s not as hot shit as all that.

Because it requires multiple examinations by multiple people over the course of multiple days to maybe, possibly find out why pain is radiating down my leg from the outside of my right knee and maybe, possibly fix that fuckery so I can get back to bidness!!

Sheeeeeyut!

September 14, 2011 at 3:48 pm 1 comment

Butt … wait!


Congratulations Floridians – you’re one freedom fewer!
😦

The Florida Department of Health has ruled – albeit reluctantly – that once you sign a medical procedure consent form you can’t stop the procedure once it’s begun … even, say ohhhh I don’t know — when the ANESTHESIA wears off?!?

That’s right, kiddies!
You get to grimace and bear it.
::: Just say ‘oh no!’ :::

Just ask the 61-year-old Pasco County woman who filed a formal complaint after gastroenterologist Kozhimala John refused to stop a colonoscopy after her anesthesia wore off and she was quite literally begging him to halt the procedure.

Investigative records of the May 2008 incident show the colonoscopy was underway when the sedation, a common mix of Versed and Fentanyl, wore off. Records show the patient told the doctor that he was hurting her and pleaded for him to stop.

He didn’t.

“Please stop!” she insisted, while the nurse tried to shush her, records show.

He didn’t.

“Most people would say: ‘I didn’t really mean for you to stop the procedure even though I told you to…’ She was under sedation,” John said. “I couldn’t take her words for sure.”
::: I bet you took her co-pay and insurance for sure though, eh doc? :::

After the complaint was filed, DOH lawyers (get the irony??) tried to find some clause — any clause — in the Medical Practice Act that would apply in cases like this.

They didn’t.

John, who is board-certified in internal medicine and gastroenterology, was charged only with inadequate record-keeping for failing to document the many ways the colonoscopy went awry.

He accepted a reprimand, a $15,000 fine, agreed to perform 100 hours of community service and take a course on “risk management.”

When the Board of Medicine heard the case in Orlando earlier this month, some members fumed about the state dropping the more serious accusation.

“There was unnecessary suffering inflicted,” DOH prosecutor Robert A. Milne told the Florida Board of Medicine recently, “but we had to (drop the charges) for legal reasons.”

Donald Mullins, one of three non-physicians on the 15-member board, spoke sharply to John. “It’s her body. She needed to make the decision. These were not your decisions to make … I’m disgusted that we’re going to (accept the settlement). I just can’t believe it!”

Miami pediatrician Onelia Lage said John displayed too little regard for the wishes of his patient. “Regardless of the legalities, when the patient screamed and said, ‘No!, you needed to listen.”

Maybe he will … maybe he won’t, but one thing’s for sure … he doesn’t really have to …

… and apparently, Floridians, neither does your doctor …

SOURCE

December 17, 2009 at 11:12 am 1 comment

SEE?!


This is some Book of John shit right here!

A 60-year-old woman, blind for nearly a decade, can see again!

But “God” God can’t take the credit for this one. Nuh uh!

That honor goes to a team of “Doctor” gods at the Bascom Palmer Eye Institute at the University of Miami Miller School of Medicine who performed an unusual but revolutionary surgery on the Mississippi grandmother.

MAD PROPS, DOC DUDES!!!

Sharron Thornton suffers from Stevens-Johnson syndrome and was rendered blind after an allergic reaction to a medication which damaged her cornea. She had tried many medical procedures, including gene therapy, but nothing brought her sight back.

“Being blind was horrible after seeing for 51 years,” she said.

The procedure she had in Miami — get ready to be amazed and impressed but, yeah, probably also a little freaked out — involved implanting one of her teeth into her eye as a base to hold a tiny plastic lens.

No foolin’!
It’s the tooth!!

“We take sight for granted, not realizing that it can be lost at any moment,” she said after the surgery. “This truly is a miracle.”

Because a lot of patients’ bodies reject transplanted or artificial corneas, American doctors — for the first time ever — used an Italian-pioneered procedure called (don’t hurt yourself on this one) osteo-odonto-kerato-prosthesis in which the canine or “eyetooth” and surrounding bone are extracted, shaved and sculpted. Doctors then drill a hole into it to insert an optical cylinder lens.

Freakycool, right?!? But there’s more!

The tooth and the lens are then implanted under the patient’s skin in the cheek or shoulder for two months so they could bond. Once bonded, they are implanted in the center of the eye after a series of procedures to prepare the socket.

“A hole is made in the mucosa for the prosthetic lens, which protrudes slightly from the eye and enables light to re-enter the eye allowing the patient to see once again,” read an Eye Institute statement.

And just like the dude in John 9:25 … Thornton now too can say ‘whereas I was blind, now I see’.

Biblical AND Scientifical – YAY!!!

Thornton said people should imagine what it is like “if you could keep your eyes closed just for one week … it’s amazing what you see when you open your eyes again.”

Her bandages were removed two weeks ago and she was able to recognize objects and faces a few hours later. She is now able to read a newspaper.

But what does she most want to see?
You guessed it – the fam!

“I’m looking forward to seeing my seven youngest grandchildren for the first time,” said Thornton.

Rock ON science!

iluvbp

SOURCE
SOURCE

September 23, 2009 at 10:22 am 1 comment

The family way?


This is some sinister shit, yo!

imlerA 46-year-old Pennsylvania whackjob
————————————–>
 is in the chokey, charged with trying to kill the fetus of a 17-year-old girl.

But that’s not even the worst part, see, ‘cuz he wasn’t the doer.

Nope.
Scaryeyes was helping two teenage nitwits get their homicide on by lending a hand as those hos put an abortioninducing horse, pig and cow hormone in her drink.
::: I bet it tasted like chicken … :::

Police say the girl’s 16-year-old babydaddy and a 17-year-old baka “stole the drug and a syringe from a local farm and added a ‘drop’ ” to a bottle of Gatorade. Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb then delivered the deadly drink to the girl, who drank it.

A couple of 60’s later, another acquaintance got all ‘HAHAHAHA – you just drank POISON, bitch!’ – which is when the girl made a beeline for the hospital — which is when the whole ‘evidence > suspects > conspiracy > arrest’ chain of events got going.

Jonathan Imler is charged with attempted criminal homicide, aggravated assault of an unborn child, simple assault, recklessly endangering another person, theft by unlawful taking and corruption of minors.
::: when they get to his motives — 100 bucks says love of young peen’s in there somewhere :::

Don’t freak — authorities also filed juvenile petitions against the moron twins.

And the upside of all of this?
Oh sure sure – the baby was born all normal and shit so yay and awesome and way to go and all … but the REAL upside is that baby killers are hella popular in the pen!
::: It’s the gift that keeps on giving … every night after last check and lights out!  :::

SOURCE

May 21, 2009 at 4:01 pm 2 comments

What’s in a name? Everything.


Just when I was beginning to think it would never be possible to dig emotionally deep enough to warm the bitter recesses of my cold, cold heart – I get an email with a link to a story so uplifting I couldn’t not pass it on.
::: ^5 Springdaddy :::

dfnamesIt’s about a bunch of steely-eyed ironworkers building the new 14-story Yawkey Center at Boston’s Dana Farber Cancer Institute who have figured out a truly ingenious way to give sick children help … in the form of hope.

“Every day, children who come to the clinic write their names on sheets of paper and tape them to the windows of the walkway for ironworkers to see,” writes Michael Levenson of The Boston Globe.
“And, every day, the ironworkers paint the names onto I-beams and hoist them into place as they add floors” to the building.

dfnames2a3“It’s fabulous,” one patient’s mother said.

“It’s just a simple little act that means so much. They don’t have to do this, the guys. They could just do their job and do a good job at it and give us a building that we can get treatment at, but they go the extra step and that’s huge.”

Most days, Levenson writes, “the clinic’s walkway fills up like the passageway of an aquarium, packed with children gazing through the glass.

“When a new name goes up on the building, the children cheer and clap.”

 The building is quickly becoming a monument — living testimony — to lives of the scores of children receiving treatment at the clinic.

dfnames3Over the last month, the ironworkers “have painted more than 100 names on the building and emblazoned part of their crane with a likeness of SpongeBob SquarePants.

“They have also painted a few special messages on the steel, like ‘Hi Hanna Get Well ASAP :)’ ”

Click here to watch a video of the ironworkers in action and read Levenson’s full story.
** just be sure you have a box of Puffs on standby **

The Boston Globe Story
Dana Farber Cancer Institute

February 26, 2009 at 7:55 pm 7 comments


This is the shit you bitches are reading


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