Posts tagged ‘marriage’

Prideful prejudice


Oh Alabama!
How you do amuse me with your schizophrenic, small-minded self!

The day House reps passed a resolution praising the bigoted, parochial pettiness that is Miss USA contestant Carrie Prejean was the very same day they also approved a bill adding sexual orientation to the state’s hate crimes law

HUH?!?
Ya.

State lawmakers aren’t about to give those gay old gays the same civil rights as you, me, the abusers, drug addicts, molesters and  felons out there who are free to get their ‘I do’ on … but if your gayified gayness garners aggressive behavior? Well, then they’ve got your back.
::: I hear that’s how AG Troy King likes it :::

I think it’s time for a resolution addressing the much-needed addendum to the state’s coat of arms …

alcoa

Sorry Carrie – that’s just how I was raised …

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April 24, 2009 at 1:15 pm 3 comments

Happy Valentine’s Day, sluts!


lurvecookieMr. Cookie, you brazen hussies and hot hunks of manflesh … you make up the Lurve Trifecta that jumpstarts my heart every day and I’d give everyone a big wet one if I could … but I can’t …
::: more for Mr. Cookie!! :::

So channel your inner Cupid and go out and gitcha swerve on!!

Nooooo, not because of this bullshit-made-up-Hallmark-originally-pagan- overcommercialized-you-are-in-sooooo- much-trouble-if-you-don’t-buy-that-bitch -a-present holiday …

…because it is a gozillion kinds of fun (and super-DUPER rewarding, if you know what I mean …) to channel your inner Cupid and go out and get your swerve on!!!

Now get to it!

February 14, 2009 at 3:35 pm 4 comments

Better set your TiVo!


What kind of idiotic lunatic marketing fuckery is this?

CBS Picks Up Arranged-Marriage Reality Series

Ugh – really?
Apparently so.

Not content with just airing soft porn for the kiddies or blatantly exploiting the hell out of ’em, CBS is set to air a show that  introduces four loser wannabe realitards adults – ranging in age from 25 to 45 – who are anxious to be famous for whoring themselves out on national teevee get married but have been unsuccessful … so far.
And the worst best part? It’s their soon to be former friends and family who get to pick the old ball and chain!

What could go wrong?!?
But then, that’s the point of this kind of pathetic ‘programming’, isn’t it?

I’m guessing this one’s gonna be your typical mix-n-match crowd of social misfits thrown together for the sheer hilarity of their pathetic losery non-compatibility.

— Camera cuts to Elbert in the ‘Confession Room’ —
‘I no’d it wuddn’t gonnuh werk wi’ Carol wen she woewer hah heelz en tuk hur breef kase tuh thuh hay rahd.’
— A downcast Elbert shakes his head. Camera cuts to Carol furiously brushing hay from her Vivienne Tam tailored tweed —

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!
What a sidesplitter!!!

Know what I’m thinking???
WHY STOP THERE!?!

Fox should come out with a ‘Baptism Battle’ – where only the most conniving, backstabbing tot in the lot earns the right to be saved by Jesus.

And ABC should do ‘American Incest’ – where horrifically fucked up families compete each week for the title of ‘Most Dysfunctional’.
Oh hell, I’d tune in just for the ‘Daddy Put His Hand Where?’ elimination challenge!

And let’s not forget NBC! Those cats should jump aboard the sinking ship that is network television with ‘Fertility Factor’ – where teenage girls try to outslut each other in the race to impregnation and eventual ‘Live This Sunday – Baby Daddy Paternity Test’!!!!

Now that’s quality teevee the whole family can enjoy!

February 3, 2009 at 4:25 pm 4 comments

Stay Alive, Number Five!!


What kind of fucked up twisted lunatic GD black voodoo magic is Drew Peterson doing that enables him to continue to bag women – even though he’s got a trail of missing wives littering his past?!?

Asshat, 54, has apparently popped the question to a 23-year-old woman have to assume doesn’t speak or read English, is deaf, has some unfathomably deep mental disability or is just so fucking desperate for U.S. citizenship that she’ll take any putrid peepaw who comes along.

Enter Peterson, still married to his fourth wife, Stacy, and a suspect in her October 2007 disappearance.
::: Fiancé FAIL :::

The death of Peenhead’s third wife, Kathleen Savio, has been recently reclassified as a homicide. Kathleen’s body was found in a dry bathtub.

Protesting that their privacy would be jeopardized, Pussface declined to ID his future missing wife.

Yeeeaaaahhhhh … he prefers to leave that job to the crime scene investigators …

December 18, 2008 at 1:53 pm 12 comments

Progressively … regressive?


Now how did this happen?

How does Florida put on her big-girl britches and grow up enough to elect my boyfriend as the 44th President of the United States yet vote to uphold a constitutional ban on same-sex marriages?

What the eff?
I thought we were on the same progressive-everyone-is-equal page here, folks.

So we’re blue — but it’s really more of a cornflower hoping to mature into a full-on navy at some point? Is that it?

::: *sigh* … baby steps … ::: 

November 5, 2008 at 11:13 am 17 comments

Ya think?


If red states can go blue — is America also ready to equalize marriage — or to send Al Franken to the Senate?!?

Dare to dream?

Just askin’ …

November 5, 2008 at 3:11 am

Who’s your daddy?


Old and Busted: Young buns
New Hotness: Old peen

Don’t laugh — there’s, like, an actual person doing serious scientifical researchification on geezer genetics and stuff and he says guys like this —->
are the key to evolution!
::: repeat after me: ‘anything’s possible with a paper bag’ :::

Steve Jones of University College London scarily asserts that “human evolution is grinding to a halt because of a shortage of older fathers in the West”.
::: nothin’ like a little pressure, right?!? :::

Jones says peepaws are prone to pass on the, uhh, ‘mutations’ necessary for folks to continue plodding our way down Darwin’s path.
::: I knew it! We ARE freaks of nature!! :::

“Human social change often changes our genetic future,” he said, citing marriage patterns and contraception as examples. “Quite unexpectedly, we have dropped the human mutation rate because of a change in reproductive patterns.”

I mean, ok, we could try to warp our Watson-Crick through chemical intervention or set up shop in some radioactive Real Estate, but who wants to get all Chernobyl only to plop out another average Earthling?

Not me!

Nope, if Jones is right and it’s the gnarly goo in old-man spoo that puts the man in humanity — then it’s time to give grampa the good joog … just like that other Jones … Catherine Zeta, that is.

You didn’t know it but this bad bitch has been working hard on behalf of all of humanity!
::: Thanx CZJ! xoxoxo :::

She’s taking this whole ‘sexy septuagenarian’ scenario VERY seriously!
I mean, why else would she consciously breed with the Crypt Keeper and birth a bunch of mutant babies???

Poke a pensioner – save the world!

October 7, 2008 at 5:35 pm 1 comment

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