Posts tagged ‘marijuana’

Straight. Up. TRIPPIN’!


GIVE THANKS BREADLINERS!

You may have lost your job, house, savings, mind, self-esteem and overall reason to live in this New Great Depression, but a smallish ray of sort of goodness has pierced the barren landscape of your crappy life!

Your kids aren’t sniffing as much of the shit you keep in the cabinet under the sink!
::: See? It’s not ALL bad! :::

Some pencil pushers at the Office of National Drug Control Policy researchified what little Johnny and his friends do when you’re not looking and GOOD NEWS!
Fewer teens are sniffing glue, lighter fluid, spray paint, shoe polish and other easy-to-find substances“.
::: One less thing, right?!? :::

About a million kids aged 12 to 17 used some kind of inhalant in 2007.
Only a mil? That’s GREAT! It’s only 3.9 percent of the adolescents who could have been rifling through your Raid collection!

And if you compare that totally marvy 3.9 to the monstrously gargantuan four point four percent doing sniffy snax in 2006 – well, it’s just nineteen kinds of semi-conclusive that we could be on the cusp of potentially maybe winning the war on drugs Krylon and Kingsford!!!
::: I’ll drink to that! :::

Some folks attribute the slumping huffy puffies to “ongoing efforts to educate teens about the dangers of inhalant use and encourage parents to discuss the issue with their children” – which sounds good when you’re trying to secure ongoing funding and all, but – if we’re being honest?
They’ve just moved on.
::: bummer, dude :::

According to the study, the oh-so readily-available inhalants you bring home from Target and keep within arm’s reach came in a dismal third (17.2%) as the go-to get-high move for kids dipping a toe in the warm waters of altered consciousness for the first time.

On the other hand, the Viagra, blood pressure and other prescription meds mommy and daddy don’t lock up had a more respectable second-place showing (23.5%).

But the perennial favorite, the Cadillac of herbal remedies, the crap your kids will reach for first whenever it’s time to get the party started was, is and forever will be (56.3%) — the stash of marijuana you didn’t think they knew you kept in the back corner of your sock drawer.

… So that’s where it went! Goddamned Little Lebowski Urban Achievers …

March 17, 2009 at 12:07 pm 1 comment

Grifa grief


Get ready for Michael Phelps’ ‘Splishyboy Apology World Tour of Anguish’!!!

phelps_516_0102_25518aAqualung was caught tokin’ the tube during two days of way hard partying last November with some gold diggers students at the University of South Carolina in Columbia.

I guess he thought it was all good since November is typically “a quiet time in the swimming calendar when athletes would not expect to get tested for drugs.

Well  not so fast, Flipper!
One of those ho’s had a camera and snapped you doing some seriously non-role modely shit.
::: Dude — Celebrity Drug Addict’s Rule #1: Pat ’em down before you bed ’em down … ::: 

I bet his peen was so embarrassed that it called in sick and crawled all the way back inside his body cavity because once his spokesbitch hit him with the knowledge that News Of The World had the photo — faster than you can say ‘Duuuuuude … hehe … wai … whaaaaaat???’ – Bongboy admitted to the ‘regrettable behavior’.

In a statement released to The Associated Press, The Ocho said:
“I engaged in behavior which was regrettable and demonstrated bad judgment. I’m 23 years old and despite the successes I’ve had in the pool, I acted in a youthful and inappropriate way, not in a manner people have come to expect from me. For this, I am sorry. I promise my fans and the public it will not happen again.”

Aww c’mon dude — it’s not like you were doing snowcaps or crazy eddies … riiight?

Don’t worry – I’m sure those endorsements, book deal and mommy’s Chico’s contract will all be juuuust fine.

I mean, it’s not like you’re some lowly working-class fucking commoner – the kind who’d be 45 kinds of deep-shit busted for doing that kind of illegal-type crap with, you know, peeps who are, like, underage and all!

HELL TO THE NO!!!
Could you just imagine the totally chaotified pandefuckinmonium that would happen if we held celebritards to those ‘real world’ standards and consequence-type things?!?!?

HAHAHAHAHA!!!
Noooo – of course you can’t …

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February 1, 2009 at 7:00 pm 5 comments

Report: Pot strongest in yea … mmmm Cheetos!


Marijuana - not just for glaucoma patientsReport:
The potency of electric lettuce shot up last year to the highest level in more than 30 years.

A study found that the average amount of THC reached 9.6 percent in 2007, compared with 8.75 percent the previous year.

The 9.6 percent level represents more than a doubling of marijuana potency since 1983, when it averaged just under 4 percent.

Reaction:
I needs to go Monster Chongin’!
Let’s go to the aquarium and get Daved!

June 12, 2008 at 11:09 am

The WRONG Way To Get Some Head


WTF?!?Two jackoffs and a juvy in Texas stand accused of digging up a dead guy, decapitating his body and using his grubworm-eaten head to smoke a little doobie — and I’m totally not kidding or flippin’ kitties when I write that.

The Houston Chronicle has the story today of Darwin Award Winners Matthew Gonzalez and Kevin Jones, who have been charged with the misdemeanor offense of abuse of a corpse (misdemeanor?!?).

Police say Gonzalez, Jones and an unnamed underaged dweeb:
1.) Made their way to a local graveyard
2.) Unearthed a man
3.) Made off with his head
4.) Turned said head into a bong

::: Cheech is speechless :::

 

May 8, 2008 at 8:50 pm 4 comments



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