Posts tagged ‘love’

{{{{{ SHON! }}}}}

You gave me one of my most recent moments of pure joy when, at 10 in the morning of February 3, you told me you loved me as only a National Signing Day recruit can — by committing to me Auburn for the next several years.

And now I return the love as only an Auburn-obsessed (and therefore everything related to Auburn-obsessed) devotee can — by committing all of my positive energy squarely in your direction and wishing you every ounce of everything good and pure that I possibly can as you battle back to health.

You can do it – we’re all here for you!


March 29, 2010 at 7:39 pm


 I totally this guy!!!

March 27, 2010 at 12:54 pm 2 comments

That is my JAM!!!

Trina does it again!

Unless you’re dead, you canNOT be still when you listen to this!!

She is the baddest bitch!
::: c’mon girl — break summa that cool off my way! :::

February 17, 2010 at 11:12 am 8 comments

Oh for the love of …

I bear witness to the truest devotion ever to exist in the history of all histories in humanity.
::: outside of my complete commitment to all things Auburn, that is :::

I speak of a love that knows no bounds.
I speak of a love that burns brighter than the flames of a thousand suns!
I speak of a love more magnificant than Jim Eastabrook’s follicular masterpiece!!
I speak of a love unrivaled by even the craziest of crazy crazies!!!!

I speak of Dolly … or, rather, the unbridaled affection – nay – Adoration – NoOBSESSION my friend Kattrin has for the lady, the legend: Dolly Parton.

“Dolly is the guiding principle of my life,” Kattrin broadcast over the intercom system at our office before security could stop her. “If I even think Dolly would disapprove, I don’t do it.”

Do what?

And that’s why I Kattrin!

Because – unlike some people who shall go unnamed but who’s initials are Everyone Who Doesn’t Know The Auburn Fight Song By Heart – she understands the power of pure love, ultimate sacrifice and well, more importantly, what can happen when your midday meal is a mix of mostly meds and Mohitos.

“Dolly has tremendous drive and talent! She is extremely witty, which means she is super smart because you can’t be witty without being intelligent. YOU JUST CAN’T!” she enthusiastically explained over the cacophony of approaching sirens.

“She wears horrendous clothes – and she does it with pride!” she continued as Officer Lasalde gently guided her out of the building. “Did you know Dolly is the 4th of 12 children?” she probed.

He didn’t.
She recoiled in obvious disgust.

“So you didn’t know then that after she got famous, she took several of her younger siblings and raised them?! You didn’t know that? Seriously?!? Good GAWD! Uh, what about YOU??” she turned and asked of the ambulance crew.

They didn’t.
She raged.

“WHO FUCKING RAISED YOU PEOPLE?! ACK!!! My god – Dolly has the BEST stories about her childhood in Sevierville. Plus she strongly believes in her own faith – but you know why she is so wonderful? Huh? Do you? It’s because she doesn’t make me do the same AND she doesn’t judge me when we hang out. Because we totally hang out. Like, every day. All the tiiiiiime,” her voice trailed off as he IV went to work.

“You don’t understaaaaaand!” came a muffled cry as they drove away.

They didn’t.
But I do.

January 22, 2010 at 8:37 pm 2 comments

Awaiting withdrawal …

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again … spring is just somber and summer sucks ass. THIS, my friends, is the most delightful — yet deciduous and distressing — time of the year.

No, not the secular-religious winter holiday seasonal shop-a-palooza, you ninnies!
That shit is as over as Britney Spears’ career!

I’m talking about the greatest collection of supernaturally spectacular annual occurances in the history or all recorded histories!
College Bowl Season!
And … well … *sniff* the end of College Bowl Season … *doublesniff* in just a few short days. 😦
::: a moment, please :::

Ayep — I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again — college football is a naughty master. He’s a kinky, nasty, sweaty luvah – and he’s ruined me for all others.


Four months and a few weeks of nothing short of pure bliss.
There is nothing more beautifully brutal or poetically punishing than my beloved college football!

And the bowls are the complete and total BESTILICIOUSNESS of the bunch!

It all starts so gloriously then *WHAMMO* the season’s been tallied, the best go to bowl games, the worst hope for a signing day surprise and the rest of us wait for the inevitable, inconsolable end.


Five BCS bowls and 29 non-BCS bowls — 34 glorious gridiron games in all before the best creation ever bestowed upon mankind goes buh-bye for roughly 8 super sad-faced months.


But hey, I’ll be ok.
At least I’ll get a teensy bite more with the all-star bowl games later this month and then another tasty ‘next season’ appetizer on National Signing Day next month … but it won’t be until I see the preseason poll placements [where Auburn will no doubt be a top-tenner], read the leaked “early” practice reports and hear the proud projections of the editorial ‘experts’ that I can truly, frealz and a gozillion percent in earnest begin my ritual of seasonal salivation over the possibilities of the perfect season!

And it will happen!! It has to — it’s my New Year’s resolution!
::: and you wasted yours on that perennial weight loss pipedream again … HAHAHAHA! :::


January 4, 2010 at 11:26 am


aubtennIn our (IMHO) first REAL test this season, my beloved Auburn Tigers defeated the Tennessee Volunteers 26-22 (the Vols did execute a sweet last-second touchdown – otherwise that bitch would’ve been 26-16).

Now, I’m not saying I’ve changed my original opinion about Gene Chizik but, I’m warming to the idea of him a little more …

… even if he does look like a gigantic retarded crane trying to take flight …

Game Recap

October 4, 2009 at 4:19 pm 5 comments

Minding their ‘business’

“There are definitely gonna be tough parts in marriage. You have to look at those tough times and remember that you have essentially a business contract with this person. You’ve signed an agreement: You’re going to be together. And you look at it that way as you work through the tough times, because I guarantee the better time is there on the other side. That’s how we’ve looked at it.”

Sarah Palin in a March 2009 interview with Esquire magazine


6a00d834515edc69e200e5539683a58834-800wiAnd business is business, right? is, well, reporting that Sarah and Todd Palin are gonna quit the love after more than two decades of breeding, being stupid Republican and generally blaming everyone else for the asshatted idiocy that has become their lives.
::: WAH-silla :::

According to *SHOCK* “unnamed sources,” a National Enquirer story alleging extramarital fuckery on both sides led to the total fuckification of Palin pairing and the sheer stress and all-out anxiety from all those alleged no-no sexy times is what really led to Palin’s resignation as governor of Alaska … allegedly.

Now, I don’t know about Todd but I’m gonna guess he was giving the peen to some Fairbanks fishmongrette with a gift for skinning salmon and a love for all things Nushagak.
And Sarah? Well, you remember the story. Sure you do! The one where she’s gettin’ her O-face on with Todd’s bestest buddy – snowmobile salesman Brad Hanson?
Yep – that one. And, since the Enquirer was right about that whole John Edwards mess, they’ve got street cred now so everything they write is true and shit. Umm hmm.

AnyPalinsucksanywaysowhothefuckcares, “sources” are also blabbing that Sarah stopped wearing her wedding ring weeks ago AND that she recently bought land in Montana. Well that’s just as good as confirmation, isn’t it?

Get ready to flee Montanas! Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper, Trig and grandbehbeh Tripp [but not the Toddster] may be headed your way!


August 2, 2009 at 1:12 pm 3 comments

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