Posts tagged ‘Los Angeles’

I’m all ‘huh?!’


Just so we’re skr8 – don’t go ’round expecting some rockstar followup to yesterday’s ‘like’able post that inexplicably earned supernova way cool WordPress HP street cred for the Cookie:

‘cuz LIAC is going to be the worldwide proof all of humanity has been craving when it comes to that whole lightning/same place theory, ‘kay?

Instead, we turn our talons today to newspaper nimroddery and the deft touch they (more often than not lately) lend to daily dumbfuckery.

BEHOLD!

I mean, I’m super happy and all to read that United’s working to spiff itself up because, well, who are they kidding. They need to.

But, uhh, quick question … What does United updating its antiquated airline have to do with Sears cutting costs in order to put a spit shine on its shit?!

Eh?
Huh?!
Oh yeah, that’s right – NOTHING!!

Editor’s Note: Journalism 101 sez the headline, story, photo and cutline generally all should jibe …

I’m not naming names here but someone who’s initials are THE LOS ANGELES FUCKING TIMES COPY DESK needs to make a date to remediate!

SOURCE

Update: HAHA — we totally you LA Times for fixing your fuckup.
Want a copy of our ultraprimo screenshot for posterity? 😛

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November 24, 2009 at 11:34 am 1 comment

Number Three???


UPDATE:

DAYUM!

MJ dead at 50

Earlier:
jackoTMZ is reporting that Michael Jackson was taken by ambulance to a hospital in Los Angeles.
The LA Times reports he was not breathing when paramedics arrived.

Both are reporting he suffered a cardiac arrest, that paramedics administered CPR in the ambulance and that his mom is on her way.

SOURCE
SOURCE
SOURCE

June 25, 2009 at 9:14 pm 3 comments

You see it


Nicolas Cage and his son Weston Coppola Cage leaving Madeo restaurant in Los Angeles over the weekend.
Weston’s Kayako Halloween costume is, err, dead on, no?
Wait. What? That’s not a costume?!?

SOURCE

October 27, 2008 at 11:46 am

Masticatory Misrepresentation?


Hey there fatty, wanna drop some tonnage?
Feel like trading in those itty bitties for some bigger, firmer breastesses?
Care to put the kibosh on those grody granny hot flashes?

OF COURSE YOU DO!
WHO WOULDN’T?!?

And do you want to achieve all of the above with absolutely no commitment or effort whatsoever??

OF COURSE YOU DO!
WHO WOULDN’T?!?

GOOD – because the shady charlatans at Zoft and their fabulous line of wonder gums can, for about $32 a pop, help you chew your way to full-on fabulosity!

Chomp your way to chestiness!

Smack your stress away!

Wear out your jaws for wondrous weight loss!

Munch away your menopausal misery with minty-freshness!

Heck – you can even grab a pack to perk up the peen!

But don’t take my word for it
::: I’m serious — do not take my word for it :::

Check out these completely fabricated and unverifiable testimonials …

 “I’ve been taking this product for over a month now and have lost 7 pounds. I couldn’t be more pleased! I also have much more level of energy..I guess it’s mainly because I’m lighter. I feel great!”
Well thumbs up to YOU, Sandra, 37, from Nevada – sloth and stupidity finally pay off!!!

“It effected nearly since day 1, After 3 weeks I’m using it – the results are great, highly recommend”.
Dan, 23, Los Angles
WOW – Thanks Dan from, err, Los Angles??? for that wonderfully ambiguous and moderately illiterate recommendation!

“Loved this product, will definitely order more, I feel much better. At the beginning I was skeptic, but it caused an improvement. Also shipping was super fast! Thanks a lot!”
Karyn, 25, Florida
Awesome Karyn!! I mean, I have no fucking clue what you’re talking about – but kudos on that phenominally super-fast delivery — you just don’t SEE that every day!!!

Anyone sampled the Double Bubble Butt yet?

August 20, 2008 at 1:06 pm 1 comment

Dumb in Dallas


Intersection of Stupid and DumbassThe PC Police are at it again … this time in Dallas County, Texas where a snoozer of a meeting about traffic tickets turned all kinds of nasty as quick as 1-2-3 over the use of one of the world’s most common astronomy terms.

1. Commissioner Kenneth Mayfield, who is white, said it seemed that central collections office “has become a black hole” because paperwork routinely gets lost there.

2. That caused Commissioner John Wiley Price, who is black, to shout “Excuse me!” before correcting his pigment-deficient colleague, saying the office has become a “white hole.” 

3. And that caused Judge Thomas Jones, also black, to demand an apology from whitey Mayfield for his racially insensitive comment.

Seriously people — this again?!?
I feel a crying jag coming on.

For the record …
Black Hole:
  • An area of space-time with a gravitational field so intense that its escape velocity is equal to or exceeds the speed of light.
  • A great void; an abyss: The government created a bureaucratic black hole that swallows up individual initiative.
    Source: American Heritage Dictionary

    White Hole:
  • The reversal of a black hole.
  • A theoretical celestial object that ejects matter.
    Source: Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)
  •  

    I’ll grant you, so far the 2008 Verbal Retardation Award has to go to the Brits who wanted to ban ‘brainstorming’ in favor of ‘thought showering’  — but these Dallas County Commissioners have definitely earned themselves a most dishonorable mention in the ’20 Kinds of Asshatednessly Overboard Responses’ subcategory.

    What other perfectly legit words and phrases will we next be asked to quit?
    Hmmmmmmm …..

  • Will we never have another black out?
    ::: Los Angelinos rejoice — right? :::
  • Do they stop searching for the black box after plane crashes?
  • Will companies have to stop reporting that they’re in the black?
    ::: Not many are actually doing that right now anyway :::
  • Should Sikorsky rename the Black Hawk helicopter — and (ACK!) what about Ridley Scott’s movie of the same name — guess that puppy’s got to be redone.
  • What’s to become of the folks currently living in Black Lick, Pennsylvania?
    ::: where o’ where will Aunt Midge’s mail go?!?!?! :::
  • Will Publix stop carrying black cherry soda?
  • Do I no longer have to fear black cats?
  • Can anarchists no longer fly their black flag?
  • Does Germany need to rename the Black Forest?
  • Will families no longer have black sheep?
    ::: don’t get excited Cleetus – you’ll always have that honor :::

  • God help the environmentalists once the aliens go PC …

    July 10, 2008 at 4:18 pm 6 comments


    This is the shit you bitches are reading


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