Posts tagged ‘london’

London Calling

It is ON!
I am DOIN’ it!!
You better be ready, Great Britain!!!

Lock up the London Cookiebooze and tie up the hounds, ’cause this¬†little trick is LONDON-bound!!

Gonna take in the Thames, check out Ye Old Cheshire Cheese, make my way through the Tate Modern, eat a bite at the crypt cafe in the Church of St. Martin In The Fields, see St. James Park, the Blue Bridge, the Churchill War Rooms, the Wallace Collection, Westminster Abbey, Big Ben, Fleet Street, Dickens House, Buckingham Palace, Trafalgar Square, Tower Bridge, Piccadilly Circus, Foyles, London Bank, Green Friday Market … man, I am gonna do it ALL!

Now, y’all have to promise to behave while I’m gone — m’kay pumpkins??
I might even bring you some spotted dick if you’re really good! ūüėČ

Later, bitches!

November 27, 2012 at 4:28 pm 1 comment

Fuckin’ kids


Queen Victoria was HUGE!
And I don’t mean just hugely significant from an historical standpoint, ‘kay?
That bitch was bustin’ out and bringin’ the chunk by the motherload, yo!

Just check out the bulky bloomers on display at London’s Kensington Palace, which were worn by that hot stack of homefried steak herself at the end of the 19th century.
::: heavy thigh :::

Let’s face it, those 56-inch waist drahz would fit better as the newest addition to the Ripley’s Hall of Frame-Shame than it does in its new home – Britain’s Royal Ceremonial Dress Collection at Kensington Palace. Oh but those luxurious loins and that fullest of full figures wasn’t her fault, see?!

The longest-serving monarch in all of British history, that most fantabulastic of fatasses is said to have had a much more acceptable 20-inch waist as a younger woman, but the abuse her body endured after birthing nine brats swelled her buttery buttocks to bulkitudinously beastly behemoth proportions.
::: blech! :::

Those little bastards are sooo grounded!


September 9, 2009 at 10:09 am

THIS is, like, sooooo not right … ‘n stuff

sadgirlHold tight to your Herm√®s, girlfriends,¬†because this is Hampton’s-Hissy-Fit BIG!

Looks like the The New Great Depression isn’t just for the little people, after all.
::: Chutney — I suggest you sit down for this, sweetie … :::

Chanel and Louis V are being forced to … to …
::: Oooohhh I almost just can’t even bring myself to say it, it’s so awful!!! :::

They are being forced to *gulp* ECONOMIZE!!!!!!!
::: Take it easy, Tinsley! :::

Chanel’s getting ready to lay off 200 staffers in their Paris office and LVMH has cancelled a plan for a Louis Vuitton megastore in the Ginza district of Tokyo.

cryUntil recently, luxury brands were in goddamned fucking denial about the had claimed immunity from the growing worldwide Olympic-style economic nosedive.

But¬†the cold bitchslap of reality¬†has left a lingering sting that’s¬†being felt from the boutiques of Paris to the la-tee-dah shoplofts and spas¬†of¬†London to the ostentatious avant-garde expos of New York as the not-so-nouveau-riche-anymore are foregoing their Friday evenings at Fred’s, Diamond Peel Microdermabrasions, Icho Cashmere jackets and caviar eye treatments.
::: Crap, Kiki!¬†Get the salts – I think Mersaydi just had a mild cardiac event … :::

But don’t fault Franck Sorbier, don’t chide Coco and don’t even THINK of blaming¬†Boudicca, bitches!!

This nouveau povert√® was a fait accompli before the bailouts began …
… all that greedy moneygrubbiness and fadmongering of years past created such all-out¬†hubris that now the well-off are just like the rest of us —¬†facing, like, ¬†a totally¬†WAY harsh future … ‘n stuff!!

MAJOR sad face, right???
::: But, admit it! You know it’s gonna be 20 kinds of cocktail FUN watching Wilhelmina use a WIC!!! :::

December 30, 2008 at 7:32 pm 2 comments

Who’s your daddy?

Old and Busted: Young buns
New Hotness: Old peen

Don’t laugh — there’s, like, an actual person doing serious scientifical researchification on geezer genetics and stuff and he says guys like this —->
are the key to evolution!
::: repeat after me: ‘anything’s possible with a paper bag’ :::

Steve Jones of University College London scarily asserts that “human evolution is grinding to a halt because of a shortage of older fathers in the West”.
::: nothin’ like a little¬†pressure, right?!? :::

Jones says peepaws are prone to pass on the, uhh, ‘mutations’ necessary for folks to continue plodding our way down Darwin’s path.
::: I knew it! We ARE freaks of nature!! :::

‚ÄúHuman social change often changes our genetic future,‚ÄĚ he said, citing marriage patterns and contraception as examples. ‚ÄúQuite unexpectedly, we have dropped the human mutation rate because of a change in reproductive patterns.”

I mean, ok, we could try to warp our Watson-Crick through chemical intervention or set up shop in some radioactive Real Estate, but who wants to get all Chernobyl only to plop out another average Earthling?

Not me!

Nope, if Jones is right¬†and it’s the gnarly goo in old-man spoo that puts the man in humanity —¬†then it’s time to¬†give¬†grampa the good joog … just like that other Jones … Catherine Zeta, that is.

You didn’t know it but this bad bitch¬†has been working hard on behalf of all of¬†humanity!
::: Thanx CZJ! xoxoxo :::

She’s taking this¬†whole ‘sexy¬†septuagenarian’ scenario¬†VERY seriously!
I mean, why else would she consciously breed with the Crypt Keeper and birth a bunch of mutant babies???

Poke a pensioner – save the world!

October 7, 2008 at 5:35 pm 1 comment

Hair apparent …

Rihanna may want to rethink that ‘do because, according to Showbiz Spy,¬†she was mistaken for Prince¬†on a recent trip to London.
::: she’s a man, baby! :::

“Some fans screamed out, ‘Prince!’ when they saw her, SBS reports. “But when they got close enough to ask for an autograph, they realized he was a she.”


October 3, 2008 at 2:13 pm

Drugs are bad … mmmmkay?

I’ve got a post-debate hangover which means I feel bad that it wasn’t a true blowout one way or the other and when I feel bad I think of other people who I bet feel bad or at least look bad and so I try to find pictures of them to make myself feel better because, well, look at them — they’re fug and famous which means they’re worse off than me because I can be fug in my computer room and no one has to know.
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Sucks to be you famous fuggies!
And so, while having my fourth cup of coffee (what?!? that’s normal!!) I came across the poster child of famous fug and so I am turning my Saturday morning into a PSA because, well, I care.
::: actually I don’t have anything else going on for a while — the gym isn’t open yet, but whatever … :::

I give you Amy Winehouse — snapped doing something somewhere in London sometime last week (photo left). I’m sad for her because I remember her just four short years ago when her career began to blow up (photo right).

Seriously, does anyone care about this bitch?
And just how the hell is she still alive?!?

Britney — you takin’ notes, hon?

September 27, 2008 at 1:14 pm 3 comments

South Carolina not happy to be gay

Oh honey chil’ – South Carolina is pissed, Pissed, PISSED!!

Seems someone leaked the Palmetto State’s gayness all over a London subway last weekend as part of a quiche-ified tourism campaign.
::: YAY! Company!! :::

The campaign called for plastering the subway with posters advertising the charms of South Carolina and five major U.S. cities to gay European tourists.

The South Carolina poster says:
“From plantations to the Civil War. Golf to¬†gay beaches.
Hilton Head, Charleston, Myrtle Beach.
There’s no place quite like South Carolina.”

Wait. What?
I’m sorry, but I don’t see the big gay problem here?
According to the poster, the only thing gay about South Carolina are some beaches.

Big whoop!

I’m near Key West,¬†and I’ve been to Fantasyfest!¬†Y’all are¬†gonna have to bring a WHOLE lot more gay than some crummy beaches to get my attention!

Ahh, but sadly (if not predictably), it did get attention in South Cackilackee, where the campaign was greeted with nothing less than shock, horror, revulsion, denial, wine spritzers and a very nice fruit and cheese assortment (from what I hear).

After The Palmetto Scoop¬†wrote about¬†the promotion, officials were falling all over each other in the race to publicly readjust themselves and be all ‘Nuh UH, we don’ cotton tuh thaht kahnd uv bu-hayvyer heeyuhr.’

Republican (ooo big shock there!)¬†state Sen. David Thomas –¬†no friend of Dorothy, he –¬†got his panties¬†27 kinds of twisted over his state being outed. He put on his prissy pants and called for an audit of the state’s advertising budget.

Speaking for homophobes statewide his constituents, Thomas said, ‚ÄúSouth Carolinians will be irate when they learn their hard earned tax dollars are being spent to advertise our state as ‚Äėso gay.‚ÄĚ
::: Yeah, I’m sure they much prefer being advertised as ‘so bigoted’ :::

Tourism officials¬†insisted they knew nothing about the campaign. So it’s kind of¬†strange that, when the promotion was first announced last month, the tourism board¬†issued a statement saying ‚Äúit sends a powerful positive message.‚ÄĚ

But now¬† they’ve pulled their foot back from the other stall and are canceling¬†payment on the posters … but not before the big, burly bureaucrats laid blamed the whole¬†unfortunate¬†episode¬†squarely on the shoulders of some ‘low-level state worker who did not run the idea by senior officials’.

The employee, who was not identified, resigned last week.
::: Probably for the best. Bigots turn bully real fast :::

And what of Atlanta, Boston, Las Vegas, New Orleans and Washington, D.C. Рthe other  cities who took part in the campaign?
Oh, they’re just fine — and thanx for asking!!!!

None have reported any negative backlash.
They are, in fact, very much into meeting new people, traveling and taking part in the $64.5 billion U.S. gay tourism market.

So fuckyouverymuch South Carolina and good luck with that¬†whole ‘coming into the 21st century’ thing!!


July 16, 2008 at 6:07 pm

This is the shit you bitches are reading

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