Posts tagged ‘lie’

Bitch, Please!

Demi Moore is a MASTER THESPIAN!!!

She IS!

In an interview for some crikety-crap, this trick actually sat there with a straight face superfibbin’ the following:
“It’s completely false – I’ve never had [plastic surgery]. But I would never judge those who have.”

Well of course not — all Master Thespians live by the glass house rule!
::: BTW – Demi’s facial doctoring alone is said to include chin implants, a nose job, eye lift, cheek implants and botox … you see it. :::

Fibber McGhee continued
‘… the day when I start crying when I look at myself in the mirror might be the day when I’m less adamant about not having it done.”

Uhhh huh … and that would be what – 15-20 years ago?!

Poor 45-year-old Demi must dmhshave added some super DUPER sniffy snax to her daily regimen of leech detox therapy, 54 Red Bulls and endless self-affirmation because – and we all know it’s believable – word on the street is she’s spent anywhere from $500,000 to $600,000 as of 2007 (NOT counting rhinoplasty and correction for a seriously wonkey eye back in the day)  ——->

dmkAnd just what do you get for that kind of money?
The Works, yo!
• Liposuction of the hips, inner and outer thighs and stomach
• Beast implants (Striptease, anyone?!?)
• Subsequent operation to reduce the breast implants and have a breast lift
• Brow lift
• Chemical facial skin peel
• Collagen injections
• Knee surgery

Personally, I don’t think Demi should be bothered people know believe she’s had stuff done.
Bitch can go full Joan Rivers and get a whole new face every couple of years for all I care!
It’s really all she’s got …


September 2, 2009 at 10:26 am

Geography FAIL



Remember that family vakay we were all forced to take during the delicate, formative years of our middle school ‘experience’?
The one where the ‘rents piled our whiny snotnosed selves into the Pace Arrow and headed ‘West to see America’??
The one where you pretzeled yourself in an effort to make sure you had at least one digit representin’ in every spot at Four Corners???

Well, funny thing about that …

“According to readings by the National Geodetic Survey, the Four Corners marker showing the intersection of Arizona, Colorado, New Mexico and Utah is about 2.5 miles west of where it should be.”


Ayep – a good old-fashioned fuckup back in 1868 has led to countless Kodak moments where little Timmy and Sue took turns getting a hand in Arizona … and, as it turns out, a foot in Arizona … and another foot in Ariz — well, you get the idea.

That photo album? Pitch it.
That commemorative mug? Ditch it.
That computer screensaver you like so much? Switch it.

Your ‘precious memories’ will get you about as much as the fake Louis the chick at RaceTrac keeps behind the counter.

What – OH WHAT – are we to make of this betrayal, America?!?

Are we just supposed to now assume we are georgewvisiting the real birthplace of George Washington when we go to the Virginia spot the government claims is the exact spot his mamma birthed that bitch?
I don’t think so!

And what about Washintgon’s Mount St. Helens?? How do we know it’s not the bigger, more unstable ‘supposedly dormant’ volcano 2.5 MILES AWAY that nobody talks about because the guy monumentizing shit that day was too lazy to check it out??
We don’t!

And Devil’s Tower in Wyoming? Allegedly our ‘first national monument’??
Oh right! Like I’m really gonna believe Teddy Roosevelt named christened that crap back in 1906!
I wasn’t there!
Were you?!? Nooooo.
The first time I saw that shit was in Close Encounters. For all I know it’s just a really big set prop!

What are we to believe?
Where does this heinous treachery against the American people end?!?

My God — what IS this madness?!?

Next thing you know we’ll find out Santa’s not real!


April 21, 2009 at 3:34 pm 6 comments

Does this reader poll make me look gay?

America’s new president?
That’s SOOO yesterday!

Collapsing world markets?
Isn’t that something  for other people to worry about?!?

Iran supplying weapons to Hamas?
Pffshh – Whaaatevuh!

Glamour magazine can’t be wasting time worrying over your ‘current events’ and crap — not when there are majorly serious interrelationary hookup-type scenarios yet to be fully exploited explored!!!

They assembled their collective braincell to tackle one such majorly serious interrelationary hookup-type scenario in their upcoming issue with … A READER POLL!!!
::: Yippeee — SCIENTIFICAL ‘data’ and shit!!! :::

Glamour magazine asked the 5 dudes who read Glamour magazine if they’d be willing to bump fuglies with Brad Pitt if it meant a sexy times green light with Angelina Jolie.
::: OMG! OMG! –  did they say they’re on board?? Is this a real possibility??? I AM TOTALLY ‘DOWN’ WITH THIS IDEA!!!!! …

81 percent of the liars readers who took part in the survey were all ‘I go Larry Craig for NO man!’ while the remaining 19 percent were all ‘Hell to the YEAH — just let me get the AstroGlide!’

So, basically, 1 out of every 5 penises polled would give Pitt a poke if it lead to some holey Jolie moments.
1 in 5 …

The other four of you are a bunch of  delusional lying liars telling untruths!
Seriously — WHO – besides yourselves – are you trying to fool here?

Anyone who denies they’d do anything less than sell their own children into Kathy Lee Gifford sweatshop slavery to bed that bitch is flat out a lying sack of useless desexed empty genetalia and I am calling you OUT!

This is Angelina Jolie we’re talking about, people!

She of the Magic Womb!
Mrs. Perfect Portions!!
The UN Ambassador of H-O-T!!!

Get REAL!!!
You have no choice but to surrender to her preeminently superlative sexual powers!

I mean, even that hot piece of manmeat I call Mr. Cookie knows he’d be 20 kinds of back on the market  if I even thought for the most micro of nanoseconds that there was a butterfly’s chance of making it through a high speed boxfan that Miss Purty Pout would give me the 1-2-3!

I know being down with some peen-on-peen isn’t everyone’s cup of tea — and that’s cool and all … but – in this case – I think we all need to step it back, chill it out, take some cleansing breaths and remember that God doesn’t like liars!
And you don’t want to piss off God, do you?!?!?

Noooo – of course you don’t.
So just admit you’d go gay to get some St. Ange strange.

It’s what God would want.


January 21, 2009 at 4:46 pm 13 comments

It’s true: Nothing is sacred

I came across a nifty little product this morning and I’m all ‘hahaha – I KNEW it!’
Hold on to your control tops ladies — our technology is out!

Apparently some men have done a reality check and are coming to grips with the fact that you can’t really pledge everlasting love and devotion to pizza and beer while waging a simultaneous battle against the bulge.
::: the first step is always admitting you have a problem … :::

Yup – they have embraced their inner fatty tight enough to come up with their very own Spanx-type item.
::: FREALZ!!! :::

Equmen has introduced its ‘Core Precision Undershirt’ which they tout as “High-performance men’s underwear with engineered compression technology energizes the body with essential structure and support.”
::: That’s marketing tekkie talk for sexxay! :::

So, while I may not be a fan of Mantyhose, I will admit that any device that can take a piece of manmeat from this:

to this:

has got my blessing … in triplicate!

Now which one of you hot tater’s out there is gonna model this shit for me?!?

December 1, 2008 at 5:47 pm 9 comments

This is the shit you bitches are reading

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