Posts tagged ‘John McCain’

Meghan McCain: Dating Martyr


Big Mac ruined EVERYTHING!

First he fucked up what could have been the absolute best ménage à troi in political history.
::: idiot! :::

Then his rabid race-baiting followers grossed voters out even more than his geezer locks and lemony Chiclets.
::: 5 words peepaw: Elizabeth Arden Red Door Spa :::

AND NOW his losery loserness has just wreaked utter havoc on daughter Meghan’s love life!
::: nice going, DAD!!! :::

“Of all the things people warned would happen post-election, no one ever said anything about how complicated dating would become,” the lonely ‘ho boo hooed in a blog post for The Daily Beast.
::: … someone needs John Edwards’ cell number – STAT … :::

“There are things that have been difficult, but nothing quite as tough as dating. I fear the election has destroyed my ability and desire to date.”
::: So you had to take one for the team … MAN UP!! ::: 

Miserable Megs also moaned about not going on a single date – NOT A SINGLE ONE! – during the whole and entire presidential campaign.
Bitch was just too busy to get bizzay.

But now that her dad’s put the old Straight Talk Express in park, Meghan’s ready to get her groove on!
Only she can’t.
‘Cuzza dad.

“Once I went out with a guy who said the food I had ordered was a “maverick choice” and proceeded to tell me, “Wow, straight talking must run in the family.”
::: Important Tip: eHarmony doesn’t screen out McCainiacs :::

Then there was that psycho fan of her mother, Cindy McCain, who recently told her she could be “his Cindy,” and asked if she ever wore pearls like her mother.

“Any guy that has a fetish for older women in pantsuits [Hillary] and large pearls [Barbara Bush] obviously only finds my last name attractive about me,” she wrote.
::: It really is your best feature, honey :::

“I am sure I am not being fair to all the men out there, but my recent experiences have left me scarred and wary of dating. At this point, my biggest aphrodisiac is an apathetic attitude toward politics.”

Meghan?
Allow me to introduce you to the perfect contestants for your dating game:
DMX … and Fiddy

Problem Solved.
Case Closed.
Now STFU and go gitcha swerve on, girl!

SOURCE

March 3, 2009 at 4:39 pm 24 comments

One large rumor, a stalkery snap on the side and hold the Big Mac


Cindy McCain is a whorebag!
Cindy McCain is a whorebag!
Cindy McCain is a whorebag!

Just in time to have absolutely ZERO impact on the presidential race, the scribes who sponsored John Edwards’ ‘Baby Mama Drama Career Suicide Tour ’08’ have taken a time out from poopy diaper DNA testing to drop this new bomb.

“Sources” tell the National Enquirer they have spied Cindy Lou Who lockin’ lips and gettin’ all huggey with a man who isn’t gonna be doodling “maverick” on the back of his Senate seat next year.
::: and by ‘sources’ we mean Scapegoat Palin. HAHAHAHA, just kidding!!!
… sort of … :::

Mrs. Mac is apparently a big ol’ cheatin’ whorey cheater who has been engaged in all kinds of cheateration going back perhaps as far as Mr. Mac’s first failed presidential bid.
::: Does NOBODY listen to Tammy Wynette anymore?!? :::

Not one to just make shit up (except when they do), the Enquirer is fueling their ‘She’s a flaxen-haired floozy’ rumor train with concrete evidential-type stuff and HARD proofification.
Yesssssss — they have a picture.

<— SEE!!! PROOF!!!!!

A grainy-almost-to-the-point-of-pixellation picture taken at an Arizona music festival two and a half years ago showing a blonde woman (so you know it’s her) with a blonde ponytail (it is sooo her)  locked in a virtually pornographic embrace (total slut) with a man who’s name we don’t know!

My god — it’s just so clear!

Well, uhh – ok, not the photo, or, umm, well the logic, per se  but, uhh, well something is clear!
Yes!
Of that much, we can be sure … or something …

November 13, 2008 at 2:37 pm

America — this is you?


Open forum commenting, oh how you scare me!
::: and yet, I’m drawn to you like a moth to a flame … like Southerners to sweet tea … like priests to little boys … :::

In the official news void that IS election day up to, oh, say anywhere between 6 and 8 o’clock p.m. Eastern Time – websites everywhere are trolling for user-generated content to fill their ‘election day coverage’.
::: NEATO! :::

“Voter Experience and Random Thoughtification” anyone?

Lets!

“John McCain’ at Tampabay.com writes:
Waited in line for well over 2 hours only to find out I was at the drivers license office. DOH!! Then drove arounf for 3 hours with my left blinker on and found my polling place. Yeah, I blank out sometimes, but it’s okay, I can’t be any worse than what’s in office now, right?
:::: hehe – sorry but that shit is funny! :::

“Al T” of Deerfield Beach, Florida writes:
The only reason this is considered “historic” is he thinks Hussein is going to win.
The NLP implication is there.
::: Oooo – Strageterie! yeah yeah — confuse them with your counter-logicisciousness!! :::

bhamman1967 in Birmingham, Alabama comments:
We do not need a Muslim in the White House
::: Well then I guess it’s just damned good luck there’s not one on yer redneck, racist ballot there fella! :::

takion1 – ranting and raving all KINDS of throughout the unmoderated boards of Elk River, Idaho’s topix.net:
If you allow Socialism to take root, it will grow to rule all aspects of your life.
Socialism is the beginning of tyranny that will suffocate freedoms for Americans.
NOBODY RIDES FOR FREE, although there are some exceptions to the rule!
NOBAMA!
::: takion1 needs to pop a pill and go sleepy-bye-bye-time :::

Are we having fun yet?

… stay tuned …

November 4, 2008 at 9:53 pm

Wait. What?


sentinelwhat

Mah brain’s gettin’ a confusion contusion!
Glad I voted early!

… stay tuned …

November 4, 2008 at 6:23 pm

Prognostications from the Post


The Denver Post endorsed Barry but called the election for Big Mac — four days ago.

According to the eagle eyes at Denver’s Westword blogs, “On Saturday night, November 1, a reader visiting the paper’s election-data site, DenverElections.com, discovered that partial results in a slew of races had already been published — and they remained in place the next day. (As of this hour, they no longer appear.)”

Umm, like woopsie and stuff?

In all likelihood, the figures were the outcome of a test of the Post’s post-vote technologies and not meant for human consumption.

Ahh fuckup – the key ingredient in Snafu.

… stay tuned for more electionigination yumminess …

SOURCE

November 4, 2008 at 1:43 pm

Wicked Witch of the North found – in Michigan!


Kids in Gross Pointe Farms, Michigan got a real scare this Halloween … from the Wicked Witch of the North herself – homeowner Shirley Nagel – who handed out candy exclusively to the offspring of admitted McCain supporters.
::: No Kit-Kats or M&M’s for YOU, Obama brats! :::

Nasty Nagel brought out the Snickers, Skittles and Starburst on Friday night but refused the sweet treats for all those who didn’t share her support for the Republican presidential candidate and his running mate Sarah Palin.
::: oh yeah, THAT’LL teach ’em! :::

A sign outside her house reads:
“No handouts for Obama supporters, liars, tricksters or kids of supporters.”

After calling O’Beautiful “scary” she said it was just fine and dandy to turn children away – empty handed and crying on Halloween — because “Everybody has a choice.”
::: Keep it classy, Shirley – keep it classy! ::: 

Check election idiocy in all its raging glory on YouTube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jbkBE0lWeYU

November 2, 2008 at 2:41 pm 7 comments

Something’s missing


Joe the Plumber’s on board and so is Joe Six Pack.
Heck, even the grand-poobah of political peepaws himself – Joe Biden – is accounted for.
Yet scant days before the most important election in the entire history of all historical electionations ever to have taken place among the esteemed electorate inhabiting all corners of the Milky Way – we seem to have misplaced a Joe!

Where is the crucial Blow endorsement?!?

Don’t the candidates know true, real Americans only care about a health care plan that includes a wide (I SAID WIDE, BITCHES!) array of drug benefits?!?
::: sorry, the morning Prozac hasn’t kicked in yet :::

America isn’t a melting pot as much as it is a medicine cabinet. You can pop a pill for anything that ails ya!

Want to lose weight? Can’t get it up? Blood pressure too high? Thinning hair? Stressed out? Allergies? Common cold? Muscle aches? Stubbed toe? Hangnail?
Take a pill! It’s the American way!

Drugs are a part of everything that is truly American and, therefore, should be embraced as a key pivotal political issue.

Baseball: Steroids
Apple Pie: Preservatives
Mom: Lasix

Whether you’re a craggy AARP Q-Tip workin’ a Plavix fix or a common crack whore searchin’ for some half track – YOU, Mrs. America, have needs no employer-backed plan can possibly cover.

Oh sure, this is a nation of Nickelonians who will nod politely at the ‘You Betchas’ and give nudges of approval to notions of hopification and audaciousness. But make no mistake — it’s also a nation who wants to see their Joe, their ‘everyman’, courted by one of the campaigns too!

When will we hear Big Mac talk about the importance of scoring some bargain-basement Botox for his bride?
::: no stranger to chemical intervention she :::
Where does my boyfriend stand on the critical role the average clucker plays?
::: ‘cuz people pull some crazy ass shit over the rising cost of crank! :::

With granny’s medications costing more than her mortgage, and Vita-G costing a real one – there simply is no bigger pocketbook issue than this one!

The ‘war’ is over — tick tock, fellas!

October 29, 2008 at 4:46 pm

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