Posts tagged ‘iran’

Does this reader poll make me look gay?


America’s new president?
That’s SOOO yesterday!

Collapsing world markets?
Isn’t that something  for other people to worry about?!?

Iran supplying weapons to Hamas?
Pffshh – Whaaatevuh!

Glamour magazine can’t be wasting time worrying over your ‘current events’ and crap — not when there are majorly serious interrelationary hookup-type scenarios yet to be fully exploited explored!!!

They assembled their collective braincell to tackle one such majorly serious interrelationary hookup-type scenario in their upcoming issue with … A READER POLL!!!
::: Yippeee — SCIENTIFICAL ‘data’ and shit!!! :::

Glamour magazine asked the 5 dudes who read Glamour magazine if they’d be willing to bump fuglies with Brad Pitt if it meant a sexy times green light with Angelina Jolie.
::: OMG! OMG! –  did they say they’re on board?? Is this a real possibility??? I AM TOTALLY ‘DOWN’ WITH THIS IDEA!!!!! …

81 percent of the liars readers who took part in the survey were all ‘I go Larry Craig for NO man!’ while the remaining 19 percent were all ‘Hell to the YEAH — just let me get the AstroGlide!’

So, basically, 1 out of every 5 penises polled would give Pitt a poke if it lead to some holey Jolie moments.
1 in 5 …

The other four of you are a bunch of  delusional lying liars telling untruths!
Seriously — WHO – besides yourselves – are you trying to fool here?

Anyone who denies they’d do anything less than sell their own children into Kathy Lee Gifford sweatshop slavery to bed that bitch is flat out a lying sack of useless desexed empty genetalia and I am calling you OUT!

This is Angelina Jolie we’re talking about, people!

She of the Magic Womb!
Mrs. Perfect Portions!!
The UN Ambassador of H-O-T!!!

Get REAL!!!
You have no choice but to surrender to her preeminently superlative sexual powers!

I mean, even that hot piece of manmeat I call Mr. Cookie knows he’d be 20 kinds of back on the market  if I even thought for the most micro of nanoseconds that there was a butterfly’s chance of making it through a high speed boxfan that Miss Purty Pout would give me the 1-2-3!

I know being down with some peen-on-peen isn’t everyone’s cup of tea — and that’s cool and all … but – in this case – I think we all need to step it back, chill it out, take some cleansing breaths and remember that God doesn’t like liars!
And you don’t want to piss off God, do you?!?!?

Noooo – of course you don’t.
So just admit you’d go gay to get some St. Ange strange.

It’s what God would want.

SOURCE

January 21, 2009 at 4:46 pm 13 comments

Shia LeBeouf wouldn’t make it in Iran


So it was all party party party this weekend … ‘cept for Iran where a bunch of henchmen got together to hang about 30 people convicted of crimes including:

  • Murder (Ok yeah, that’s a bad thing)
  • Murder in commission of a crime (umm hmm yeah — ‘nuther bad one)
  • Being involved in illegal relationships — relationships between men and women who are not married to each other (sexy time in Iran = married time … got it!)
  • Being a public nuisance while drunk (wait. what?)
  • My first thought when reading that list was ‘Damn, I’m glad I don’t live in Iran!’.

    My next thought was ‘Damn, I kinda wish Madonna lived in Iran.’

    Then I thought ‘I bet Shia LaBeouf is glad he doesn’t live in Iran!’

    Hollywood’s favorite Shia-pet was arrested on suspicion of drunken driving Sunday about 3 a.m. when he rolled his truck after smacking it into another car. LeBooBoo bunged up his head, hand and knee.

    “It was immediately apparent to officers responding on the scene that LaBeouf was intoxicated and he was subsequently placed under arrest,” one officer said.

    This would seem like some sort of watered-down kiddie version of ‘strike 3’ – except there were other people involved … and injured.

    Just by way of recap:
    LeBonehead was ticketed early last year for ‘unlawful smoking’ (1) and then busted again in November (2) for being a colossal dumbass drunk in a Chicago Walgreens – which he blamed on being a slave to the bakky. And now this one (3).

    Hey Shithead — rehab is the new black.
    Think about it — before #4 leaves someone dead.

    ‘kay Boo Boo???

    July 28, 2008 at 1:03 pm 5 comments



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