Posts tagged ‘internet’

Copy Kellys


Is there some bodysnatchers shit going on up in here?

duoThese two bitches are the same person!

Well no. Not really.
But they are both named Kelly Hildebrandt and they are gettin’ hitched!

The couple met when she-Kelly looked up her name on Facebook to see if she had a dubilicious ditto out there and wouldn’t you just know it? There was he-Kelly.
::: MNT 2 B :::

Three weeks later, K-peen decided ‘enough with shis virtual shit’, bought a ticket and flew his Texan ass to Florida to check out K-vag IRL.

Dude liked the total package, proposed eight months later and now these two sluts are about to get their I Do’s on!
::: Well duuuhhhhh! She is hot :::

But don’t worry. I mean, it’s not like they’re from Alabama or West Virginia or anything.
They say they’ve checked ancestry records from, bnameslike, 250 years or some shit and have confirmed they are not blood relations so consummation is for sures on the up-and-up, which is awesome because that means that, instead of doing something “Hollywoody” and labeling their lambs Xerox and Ditto and Clone, they can continue the title tradition (and lay the groundwork for their own reality series I’ll go out on a limb and predict will be called The Doppelgangers) by pushing little Kelli and Kelee and Kehley around town in their very own Mountain Buggy Urban Triple!!

And when that glorious day comes — somewhere over a fat-blasting G-Broil Supreme, George Foreman will be smiling in approval …

SOURCE

July 20, 2009 at 2:37 pm 1 comment

There’s a bat in that belfry


I didn’t even have to read the story.

I knew Jim Bartek was a raging kookleberry before the third paragraph.
Actually, I knew it as soon as I read the [most ridiculously long] headline:
Jim ‘Nostradamus’ Bartek of Maple Heights has listened to a Judas Priest album 391 straight days

Yup. Coudda Shoudda stopped right there!
Live and learn, right?

See, the kookles took hold of Jim’s soul last June when English heavy metal pioneer Judas Priest released its gomillionumpteenth album “Nostradamus.”  They dedicated the album to the 16th-century seer who is credited with prophesying cataclysmic events, but the screaching, scratching voices in Jim’s head were all eatitLiveItBREATHEIT!!!!!!

Frealz?
There should be a law requiring dictionaries to include a high-resolution image of Jim’s bonkerwonkey eyes right there next to the word ‘cataclysmic’ because listening to the same shit on a year-long loop is about as batshit crazy as a bitch can get!

I mean, hellooooo??? There is a reason repetitive music and sound are time-honored torture techniques.

“Heavy metallers are a little out there,” explains Ohio heavy metal DJ Bill Peters. “But listening to the same album every day? Even crazier, a double album?”

Craaaazeeeeeee!

But then I knew that just by reading the headline as well …

SOURCE & PHOTO

July 15, 2009 at 3:39 pm

What HE said …


An unruly little urchin with a smart mouth he’s not afraid to use – Dalten Duncan is my kind of kid, yo!

If I didn’t know better I’d swear I popped out this punk myself. He could be me!!
::: if i had a peen … and was still in junior high … and lived on the other side of the country … :::

Frealz — what else could you say when someone says you need to push it in further?!?
Ed. Note: Dumb bitch teacher needs detention for not knowing the difference between ‘further’ and ‘farther’.

A moment of reverential silence now for a super-sassy slice of awesomely acerbic adolescence.

push-it-in
SOURCE

July 9, 2009 at 12:47 pm

R.I.P Steve McNair


art.steve.mcnair.giSteve McNair and his girlfriend reportedly shot to death inside her Nashville apartment.

What.
The.
FUUUUUCK?!?!?!?!?

ACK! 

McNair, 36, spent 13 seasons in the NFL, the majority with the Tennessee Titans, before announcing his retirement in April 2008. He spent his last two seasons with Baltimore Ravens and he was the NFL’s co-MVP in 2003.

What in the fuckety FUCK is going on people?!?
Seriously — this is the last motherfucking R.I.P post I want to do for, like, EVER, ok?
Shit.

SOURCE

July 4, 2009 at 10:13 pm

I just threw up a little in my mouth


According to the San Francisco Gate, American Idol ditzball alum Kellie Pickler (AKA Pammy Lite) and Waffle House smackdown king Kid Rock have been dating for more than a year.
::: doesn’t that, like, automatically qualify her as engagement material?? :::

I really hope this isn’t true.
Because I kind of like Kellie.
You have to like someone who can market the shit out of one-range vocals and two plumpified breastesez. It’s like a law.

Now if we could just get that bitch to quit the love before someone gets hurt …

3121093634_ee66d59e3d

July 2, 2009 at 10:33 am 2 comments

AWESOMENESS!!!!


Beat it Burger King!
Suckit Spirit Airlines!!

THIS Flash funny is the most awesomely fantastic fucking ad ever to be nestled gently inside a javascript protocol!!!
::: frealz :::

Click here (and do what the man says …) for some HAHAHA – hell yeah!

SOURCE

June 27, 2009 at 6:59 pm 11 comments

TFLN = GR8!!!


I can’t do it justice.
I won’t even try.

Texts From Last Night is some straight up funny shit!
(http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/)

Note: If you’re easily offended, you prolly shouldn’t check it out. But then again, if you’re easily offended, what the fuck are you doing here?!?

June 11, 2009 at 5:44 pm 3 comments

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