Posts tagged ‘injure’

Cinemania


I could see it over Nazi wargasm Valkyrie
::: because really — who wants to see that shit?? :::
I could undertand it over the Iron-Nunned Doubt
::: because, let’s face it, Meryl Streep can do that to you :::
You might even get me to sympathize if it happened during Spirit … 

… but Benjamin Button?!?

You bust a cap in someone’s as … err … ARM over The Curious Case of Benjamin Button?!?!?

122608_cialella_300How many shades of fucked-in-the-headedness do you have to be to try and ice a bitch over Benjamin Button?

This many —>
That’s all-around glamour puss and South Phillie’s foinest, James Joseph Cialella Jr., who brought the stupid — but no date, we’re pretty sure — to a holiday showing of the Brad Pitt damned-near-three-hour age-a-palooza at the Riverview Theatre.

Seems everything was going along all nice and sweet-like when some dad-son combo started in with the chitchat.

“How’d they do that with his face?”
“SHHHH!”

“Why’s he short like a baby but old man in the face?”
* throws popcorn*
“Hey! SHADDAP already, fuckers!” 

“Is Angelina in this movi …”
” That’s IT, dickweed! I am glocked, locked and READY TO ROCK!!”
::: CHK-CHK :::

Cialella opened fire and dad took one in the arm as frightened moviegoers made a mad dash for the exits.
Then, in true double-douche thumbsucker psychopath fashion, Cialella sat back down and continued to watch the movie.

He is now charged with attempted murder, aggravated assault, and weapons violations.

Ahhhh, the holidays …

Seriously though? This kinda reminds me of that scene in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days … you know the one —  when Andie and Ben are at the movies and the guy behind them gets all ‘shut yer lady up’ and she gets all ‘you can’t talk to me like that’ and they all get all ‘let’s take it out to the hallway’ where Mr. Pissypants Movieguy punches Ben out and gets all ‘I’m going back inside to watch Sleepless In Seattle … Don’t anybody screw with me!’

Yup – JUST like that … except for the shrapnel and gunplay and IV of lactated ringers and all … mmm hmm!

December 28, 2008 at 2:58 pm 1 comment

Boob vs. booby bar: Your tax dollars at work


It went from bow chicka bow bow to bow chicka bowOWW  when a stipper workin’ the pole at the local tittay bar sent her Stiletto soaring with something as simple as a singular toe flick.

I hate it when that happens! You step into your spinback on the way to the hip-reveal and whammo! – wardrobe malfunc …. uhh, well, I mean, that’s what I hear can happen …

Aannnyputmyselfthroughcollege, that shoe shot off, shattered the mirrored ceiling and sent glass raining down like silvery shards of lawsuit all over 35-year-old Charles Privette.
::: poor widdul pervert – him gots a boo boo :::

George Gettinger, general manager of Margate’s Booby Trap,  confirmed such an incident happened and paramedics were called, but the emergency responders apparently weren’t too worried about Privette’s injuries.
“A quote from the paramedics was, ‘I can’t believe you even called us for this,'” Gettinger said.

But panty waste hired himself a lawyer anyway (like you didn’t see that coming) and filed himself a lawsuit, wherein he states that he sustained a small laceration to his eyebrow, headaches and nose bleeds as a result of the Jan. 14 shoeing and is seeking at least $15,000 in damages because The Booby Trap breached “its duty when its employee failed to perform her routine in (a) reasonably safe manner.”
::: and you thought you had to have a ‘gina to be a gold digger, didn’t you?!?  tsk tsk :::

Seriously people, can’t we just toss this prick a few sticky pennies from the floor of the Champagne Room and call it even Stevens?

October 15, 2008 at 8:25 pm

Shia LeBeouf wouldn’t make it in Iran


So it was all party party party this weekend … ‘cept for Iran where a bunch of henchmen got together to hang about 30 people convicted of crimes including:

  • Murder (Ok yeah, that’s a bad thing)
  • Murder in commission of a crime (umm hmm yeah — ‘nuther bad one)
  • Being involved in illegal relationships — relationships between men and women who are not married to each other (sexy time in Iran = married time … got it!)
  • Being a public nuisance while drunk (wait. what?)
  • My first thought when reading that list was ‘Damn, I’m glad I don’t live in Iran!’.

    My next thought was ‘Damn, I kinda wish Madonna lived in Iran.’

    Then I thought ‘I bet Shia LaBeouf is glad he doesn’t live in Iran!’

    Hollywood’s favorite Shia-pet was arrested on suspicion of drunken driving Sunday about 3 a.m. when he rolled his truck after smacking it into another car. LeBooBoo bunged up his head, hand and knee.

    “It was immediately apparent to officers responding on the scene that LaBeouf was intoxicated and he was subsequently placed under arrest,” one officer said.

    This would seem like some sort of watered-down kiddie version of ‘strike 3’ – except there were other people involved … and injured.

    Just by way of recap:
    LeBonehead was ticketed early last year for ‘unlawful smoking’ (1) and then busted again in November (2) for being a colossal dumbass drunk in a Chicago Walgreens – which he blamed on being a slave to the bakky. And now this one (3).

    Hey Shithead — rehab is the new black.
    Think about it — before #4 leaves someone dead.

    ‘kay Boo Boo???

    July 28, 2008 at 1:03 pm 5 comments



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