Posts tagged ‘hospital’

Off the clock


Today’s heartwarming holiday-time tale comes courtesy of  The City of Brotherly Love — where the caring and compassionate crew over at Aria Health’s Frankford Campus couldn’t be bothered to check on a man clutching his chest in apparent distress … then losing consciousness … then losing, well, LIFE.

Hospital security video shows 63-year-old Joaquin Rivera going to the window twice in the 11 minutes after he arrived on Saturday, complaining of chest pain – which you’d think medical types would take a few shades of serious, right?

Not in Philadelphia they don’t!

No one bothered to check on Rivera for almost an hour — even after he reluctantly released all responsiveness and apparently said a big ol’ buh-bye to breathing.

Well, no one, that is, except for the asshat who made a five-finger discount on the dying man’s watch!

Philly fuckery!!!

The cops have confiscated the tape and are planning a sweeping investigation of hospital neglect that will undoubtedly result in a scathing indictment of the facilities nincompoopedness and lead to stricter controls on patient care.

HAHAHAHA!!!!
Noooo.

They’re just goin’ after the watch ripper-offer.

Way to stay classy, Philly!

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December 8, 2009 at 10:51 am 1 comment

FOTY CANDIDATE!!!!


Adam Manning don’t know nothin’ ’bout birthin’ no babies, but that bitch for DAMN sure knows how to get his Bud on!

manningThe 30-year-old first-time father-to-be brought his baby mamma to the emergency room of Utah’s McKay-Dee Hospital to get her birth on when his beady, bloodshot eyes spied nurse hotty-totty and he lost his gat DAMN mind!
::: Daddy DOUCHE! :::

He is reported to have ‘looked her up and down’, commented on how attractive she was and told her she was ‘cute’.
::: Devoted Dad / Protective Partner / Mature Male FAIL FAIL FAIL!!! :::

The nurse apparently ignored his inebriated advances and moved to the other side of mom’s wheelchair, preparing her to go to the delivery room.

Not one to take a turn-down lightly, Manning then told the nurse that she had something wrong with her neck and that he would !!RED FLAG RED FLAG!! massage it for her.

And by ‘massage’ he meant he was gonna get his grope on in the general area of her boobages.
::: ee-ERR ee-ERR :::

fotyWhen the R(eally)N(ot impressed gropee) asked what
inthegoddamnedfuckinghell
he was doing, Manning’s wife or girlfriend or enabler or whatever she is responded that he was ‘just drunk’.
::: FUN FACT: That’s not ‘just’ drunk – THAT is ‘piss’ drunk! :::

The Ogden Police were called and promptly booked the nurse booby-grabber on charges of felony forcible sexual abuse.

And if you didn’t figure it out by now — yes, he missed the birth of his first child.

Now THAT’S a baby story the whole family will enjoy sharing for generations!!

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October 29, 2009 at 10:08 am 2 comments

What the funk?!


Thirty-four Fort Worthians had their buns hauled to area hospitals yesterday after what was originally thought to be a poisonous gas leak at a downtown Bank of America building turned out to be someone’s funk ass perfume.

“Two employees reported some dizziness in close association with someone spraying on some perfume,” a fire department official said.
He said that when the two reported being dizzy to a supervisor, “an announcement was made over the building’s PA system saying that anyone feeling these symptoms should exit the building to an outside location.”

And, shock of shocks! Total fucking PANIC ensued.

Fire Department officials referred to the episode as an example of collective “psychosomatic behavior.”

Medical experts often refer to such episodes as “contagious fear.”

The Cookie believes the episode was actually the result of “the testing of Amy Winehouse’s new fragrance.”

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July 31, 2009 at 12:28 pm 1 comment

I … can’t …


I have really good shit to say about Mark Sanford breaking state laws to get his fucky times on with some ho in Argentina – especially after all the hypocritical blah blah he spewed about a certain other politician he voted to impeach for lyin’ about a bj …
Oh ho HO yeah!
Really. Good. SHIT!

But I can’t …
… because during my morning world news roundupapalooza I came across the very sad (and shockingly — for me at least — somewhat unexpected) news that my original girl crush, Farrah Fawcett, was given last rites last night.

I’ve been a gozillion percent convinced all along that the mega ‘this ain’t over, biatch’ side-eye Mizz Thang’s been giving the big C would pull her hotness right on through this mess!

A GOZILLION percent!

And so now I’ve lost the heehee because I’m just sad.
Well, sad and curious … Ed + Farrah = 2 … and, well, don’t these gloomies come in three’s?

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June 25, 2009 at 12:51 pm 3 comments

What’s in a name? Everything.


Just when I was beginning to think it would never be possible to dig emotionally deep enough to warm the bitter recesses of my cold, cold heart – I get an email with a link to a story so uplifting I couldn’t not pass it on.
::: ^5 Springdaddy :::

dfnamesIt’s about a bunch of steely-eyed ironworkers building the new 14-story Yawkey Center at Boston’s Dana Farber Cancer Institute who have figured out a truly ingenious way to give sick children help … in the form of hope.

“Every day, children who come to the clinic write their names on sheets of paper and tape them to the windows of the walkway for ironworkers to see,” writes Michael Levenson of The Boston Globe.
“And, every day, the ironworkers paint the names onto I-beams and hoist them into place as they add floors” to the building.

dfnames2a3“It’s fabulous,” one patient’s mother said.

“It’s just a simple little act that means so much. They don’t have to do this, the guys. They could just do their job and do a good job at it and give us a building that we can get treatment at, but they go the extra step and that’s huge.”

Most days, Levenson writes, “the clinic’s walkway fills up like the passageway of an aquarium, packed with children gazing through the glass.

“When a new name goes up on the building, the children cheer and clap.”

 The building is quickly becoming a monument — living testimony — to lives of the scores of children receiving treatment at the clinic.

dfnames3Over the last month, the ironworkers “have painted more than 100 names on the building and emblazoned part of their crane with a likeness of SpongeBob SquarePants.

“They have also painted a few special messages on the steel, like ‘Hi Hanna Get Well ASAP :)’ ”

Click here to watch a video of the ironworkers in action and read Levenson’s full story.
** just be sure you have a box of Puffs on standby **

The Boston Globe Story
Dana Farber Cancer Institute

February 26, 2009 at 7:55 pm 7 comments

Darned SHOOTIN’!


And the award for Most Retarded Display of Selfish Corporate Fuckery goes to …

McDonald’s! – for their patent refusal of Workman’s Compensation benefits to an employee who was shot [at the MCDonald’s where he worked] while trying to defend a woman who was being beaten [at the MCDonald’s where he worked].
::: Way to go, corporate fuckers!! :::

Nigel Haskett’s heroics earned him three abdominal surgeries and a permanent reminder of the universal law that no good deed goes unpunished in the form of a partial bullet — forever lodged — in his back.
::: Who says you can’t take it with you?!? :::

Haskett’s unselfish actions also garnered the highest admiration and respect from his employer.

HAHAHAHAHA!!!
Noooo — just kidding!

McDonald’s really couldn’t have said ‘Fuck Off Loser Scum!’ more quickly or more clearly.

Facing more than $300,000 in medical bills from the shooting [at the MCDonald’s where he worked], Haskett filed a claim with the state Workers Compensation Commission — to which McDonald’s replied, well,  ‘Fuck Off Loser Scum!’
::: See! :::

In a letter to the Commission, McDonald’s insurer wrote: “we have denied this claim in its entirety as it is our opinion that Mr. Haskett’s injuries did not arise out of or within the course and scope of his employment.”
::: I’ll bet his timecard begs to differ! :::

The McLawyers say McEmployees are given strict McInstruction to ‘do nothing’ that would put themselves or anyone else in danger during the course of their McWorkday.

Oooook — and, umm, the McCustomers? Any advice on their safety, Mickey D?!?

Ohhhh riiiight – ‘Fuck Off Loser Scum!’ – GOTCHA!

In a clear deviation from Chapter 6, paragraph 13 of McDonald’s We Didn’t See Nuthin’ Customer Beatdown policy, Haskett’s boss Ray Nosler called him a hero for his actions last August and contributed to a fund setup for his employee.

“We are all grateful to Nigel and that’s why it is so unfortunate that he’s having a difficult time with the insurance claim,” Nosler says.  “Because the insurance claim is still pending, I’m not able to say more about it, but I hope his claim will come to a quick resolution and the right thing will be done for my employee.”
::: awwww – i haz cry :::

Video of the incident had been available on YouTube, but now there is a disclaimer that reads: This video is no longer available due to a copyright claim by McDonald’s Corporation.

They don’t want to own up to any responsibility for what happens in their restaurants but they’ll sure as shit own the evidence!
::: I’m not lovin’ it :::

Eh, McFuckem — you can watch it here.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So what do you think?
Should the Evil Clown Empire cough up some cash or should we just all understand we’re taking our lives in our hands each time we frequent the corporate-sanctioned anything goes, lawless wasteland that is your neighborhood McDonald’s?

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February 23, 2009 at 11:34 am 3 comments

Triple Threat


coldbs
The unholy triumvirate pictured above have hearts so witch’s-titty-in-a-brass-bra cold that the Prince of Darkness had better start praying for their rehabilitation or his shit really will freeze over!

Word is these sluts formulated a revenge plot so ruthless that it left a former friend with frostbite so severe she could lose parts of one or both feet.
::: VICIOUS!! :::

22-year-old Maria Contreras-Luciano (left), 21-year-old Dyanne Velasquez (center) and 20-year-old Amber Crespo (right) face kidnapping, assault and conspiracy charges related to the alleged arctic abandonment of a 19-year-old woman who was pushed from a car …  into a snowbank  … at night … on the side of a New Jersey road … in a heavily-wooded area … wearing only a party dress and one shoe … in eight-degree weather.
::: This ain’t Survivor, bitches!! :::

The polar payback came after the victim had a car accident and sued Ho #3’s  insurance company, which prompted the skinsack to get her lunatic scream on, shouting “If you’re going to sue me then I’m going to kill you!” … whiiiich garnered her a bonus third degree charge of making terroristic threats!
::: How do you spell ringleader? C-R-E-S-P-O!!! :::

The trio “planned and plotted … to dress up and go to an imaginary party,” North Bergen Lt. Frank Cannella said.  In the ruckus of having her caboose forcibly removed from the car, one of the victim’s shoes fell off.

 “She ran back to the car and pleaded to be let back inside, but the women sped away, leaving her stranded with no cell phone, the lieutenant said.”

A passing motorist stopped and let the gelid girl use a cell phone but “refused to give her a ride because she didn’t want to get involved”.
::: Oh please Oh Please OH PLEASE tell me she got a tag number?!?! :::

Eventually, a motorist with a working brain and functioning heart stopped and took the teen to Englewood Hospital.

Can I have ‘They Sure Sound Guilty To Me‘ for $800, Alex?

PHOTOS COURTESY OF NORTH BERGEN POLICE

January 29, 2009 at 4:49 pm 3 comments

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