Posts tagged ‘hooker’

This aggression will not stand, man!


wpowerThe whores are 20 kinds of pissed and they’re not gonna take your crap anymore, Australia!
::: POWER TO THE PROSTITUTES!!! :::

The professional booty-callers of New South Wales (where pay to play is purrrfectly legal) are so angry about the cost of advertising in local papers that they’re planning to celebrate International Whores Day today in true streetwalker style — with a floozy uprising right outside the NSW Parliament House!

“Why am I charged hundreds of dollars to advertise in local papers when other trade occupations are charged less than $100?” lovely minx Ivy McIntosh wants to know.
::: It’s a good question, fellas … :::

“Sex work is legal in NSW. I’m paying too much for a measly two inches.”

Oh I feel you, girlfriend!
If I had a nickel for every time I paid too much for a measly two inches!!!
Hooboy …

wprotestBut in all seriousness – I echo their outcry.
I mean, Plumber? Pro? What’s the diff? Someone’s gettin’ his pipes cleaned either way!
Fair is fair evil media overlords!!!!

I may even have to start a letter-writing campaing on this one … well, ok … maybe not so much for the whores Down Under as for the ones here.

I mean, don’t the sluts, trollops and skanks of America deserve to take part in these boss ‘International’ holidays?!?
I think we they do.
I think we’ve they’ve earned it.

HEY LOOKIE! I wrote a post about sex and didn’t use ‘fuck’ once! YAY ME … oh … wait …

SOURCE
PHOTOS

June 2, 2009 at 1:52 pm 3 comments

Bring that hooker line and they’ll sink ya


So the Washington po po are all ‘prostitutin free zone’ for the inauguration‘ and I’m all ‘but now how am I supposed to pay for my trip?!?’

This puts a serious crimp in my plans, people!

District police have put signs up and down 5th and I Streets that read, “Warning, Prostitution Free Zone.” And anyone caught hookin’ it could be fined two BJs, a LipDip and an All Aboard 300 dollars — and possibly even jailed.
::: fuckers … HAHAHAHA not next week!!!! :::

But — like any good Washington-based legal thingamabob … there’s a loophole!
::: SURPRISE!!! :::

DC City Councilman Jim Graham said the signs are being used because officers cannot enforce loitering laws.

“Because this is focused, its limited in time, its aimed at a very specific issue, if you don’t move along, we’ll put you in the car,” he said.

Gotcha *wink*
… but you know that costs extra, right?

January 18, 2009 at 3:02 pm 2 comments

Eliot Spitzer: Working Stiff


Today is the dawn of an awesome new day for former New York Governor,  Hall of Fame Whoremonger and all around manslut Eliot Spitzer.

The Luv Gov is straight up gettin’ paid, y’all!

No, he didn’t write a tell-all; he isn’t wranglin’ ho’s down at the Bunny Ranch and he’s not designing a line of creatively comfortable bondage briefs … yet.

Starting today, Spitz will be hard at work pimping his thoughts on government, regulation and finance for a bi-weekly column on Slate.com.
::: I wonder who gets to massage that copy!?! :::

“It’ll be heavily about the financial crisis and fixing financial markets and the economy generally,” confirmed Jacob Weisberg, editor-in-chief of the Slate Group.
::: Hey – maybe it’ll be good. I mean, if there’s one thing Spitz knows it’s how to appropriate funds! :::

The idea for the column – called ‘The Best Policy’ – came after Slate honchos spied a tasty Op-Ed piece Mistah Luvah wrote last month for The Washington Post that stimulated a deep desire for the hot slut in a big ol’ way.

“We called him about writing for us,” said Weisberg, who admitted the pub and the gub had themselves a quickie right then and there.

“It was not an epic negotiation. He was very receptive to the idea.”

And, you know, I just don’t doubt it at all.
I’ve heard he likes to receive …

Keep it between the margins, El!

December 4, 2008 at 2:51 pm 7 comments

It’s good to be Eliot Spitzer


Former New York Governor and Hall of Fame Whoremonger Eliot Spitzer will not face criminal charges for gettin’ his freak on with Ashley Depraved and some other high-priced hookers, federal prosecutors announced this week.
::: Everybody to the champagne room – STAT! ::: 

Michael J. Garcia, the United States attorney in Manhattan, confirmed that, although his office had found that “on multiple occasions, Mr. Spitzer arranged for women to travel from one state to another state to engage in prostitution” they couldn’t prove it was taxpayer money or campaign cash payin’ for that poontang.
::: See, it’s not that prostitution is illegal, per se — it’s the way you PAY for it that’s the crimey part. Good to know!! ::: 

“We have determined that there is insufficient evidence to bring charges against Mr. Spitzer. In light of the policy of the Department of Justice with respect to prostitution offenses and the longstanding practice of this office, as well as Mr. Spitzer’s acceptance of responsibility for his conduct, we have concluded that the public interest would not be further advanced by filing criminal charges in this matter.”
::: So does that mean all Johns who get bizzay on their own bucks get to go free too — as long as they get all boo hoo and are really, really sorry?  :::

Moments after Little Spitz was released from legal lockdown, Big Spitz thanked officials for their “impartiality and thoroughness” and reminded us all that he’s still really, really sorry for his horndoggery.

“I resigned my position as governor because I recognized that conduct was unworthy of an elected official. I once again apologize for my actions and for the pain and disappointment those actions caused my family and the many people who supported me during my career in public life.”

Anyone wanna do an over/under on when the sex tape comes out?

November 7, 2008 at 3:16 pm 2 comments

Hey Miami! You goin’ soft?


I bet it’s all party party party in Miami right about now.
I bet folks are elated on Euclid, marching down Meridian and shakin’ what their mamas gave ’em in a conga line of HAPPY all through Cutler Ridge.

Noooo – I’m not talking about the election or sports or hookers givin’ freebies down by the causeway.
::: err, offline topic — email me for that location …. :::

Nope — this is BIGGER!

The streets of Miami are paved with sunshiny rays of joyous gloriosity because …
… wait for it …

No one’s murdered anyone in 35 days … and counting!!!!

WOO HOO PAR-TAY!!! 

It’s a great record when people are not killing each other,” one cop said in what will go down in history as THE most ginormous understatement of the new milennium.

35 days and no one go bye-bye!?!
UnHEARD of!!!!

Oh, but it gets better!
Miami has had just a mere 55 homicides so far this year — 32 fewer killings than last year!
::: awesome :::

And Better!!
There was NO [repeat NO] murderin’ going on at all in the whole of the entire month of October!
::: awesomer ::: 

AND EVEN BETTER!!!
The last time an entire month passed with no one in greater Miami making anyone else in greater Miami any kind of dead was May … of 1966 !!!
::: AWESOMEST!! :::  

I know!! You kind of want to pinch yourself, right?!?!? Go ahead – I did!
::: I liked it too :::

So who’s up for a Liberty City picnic???

November 3, 2008 at 2:33 pm

No nekkidness in smalltown Georgia


Officials in the ‘city’ of Lavonia, Georgia got together and bought themselves a strip club!
::: bow chicka bow bow ::: 

“We bought it to get rid of it, bottom line,” city manager Gary Fesperman said this week after the sale was final.
::: bow chic … what!! ::: 

The Lavonians shelled out nearly 1 million smackeroos to buy – and shut down – Cafe Risque … but  they didn’t stop there!

After the purchase, they did what smalltown inbreds like to do the most — set shit on fire!!!
::: YEEHAW!!! :::

They gassed up at the local Texaco and set out to torch every last dadgum dirty sign for the club they could find.

“Those billboards did more damage to the community than the club did,” said Fesperman – totally thumbing his nose at the collateral cash that comes from coochie joints. You know – bakky and liquor sales (to get in a coochie frame of mind), gassin’ up the F-150 (to get to the coochie), some fine interstate dinin’ (tittays make ’em hungry! Stuckey’s, anyone?) and traffic tickets (those dollar bills could go for more than a new pair of Lucite heels, ya know!) 

And just who is gonna buy those pasties Lurleen makes so purty with her sequin deeezignz?!?
::: Way to think it through Fesperman! :::

I was feelin’ bad for all those sexually-frustrated long-haulers until I remembered something that apparently ol’ Fesperman doesn’t know!

::: Grammar-Time! :::

Synonym for ‘out-of-work small-town stripper’?
Hooker.

Road trip, anyone?

August 1, 2008 at 2:10 pm 3 comments


This is the shit you bitches are reading


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