Posts tagged ‘hollywood’

Dumb in Dallas


Intersection of Stupid and DumbassThe PC Police are at it again … this time in Dallas County, Texas where a snoozer of a meeting about traffic tickets turned all kinds of nasty as quick as 1-2-3 over the use of one of the world’s most common astronomy terms.

1. Commissioner Kenneth Mayfield, who is white, said it seemed that central collections office “has become a black hole” because paperwork routinely gets lost there.

2. That caused Commissioner John Wiley Price, who is black, to shout “Excuse me!” before correcting his pigment-deficient colleague, saying the office has become a “white hole.” 

3. And that caused Judge Thomas Jones, also black, to demand an apology from whitey Mayfield for his racially insensitive comment.

Seriously people — this again?!?
I feel a crying jag coming on.

For the record …
Black Hole:
  • An area of space-time with a gravitational field so intense that its escape velocity is equal to or exceeds the speed of light.
  • A great void; an abyss: The government created a bureaucratic black hole that swallows up individual initiative.
    Source: American Heritage Dictionary

    White Hole:
  • The reversal of a black hole.
  • A theoretical celestial object that ejects matter.
    Source: Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)
  •  

    I’ll grant you, so far the 2008 Verbal Retardation Award has to go to the Brits who wanted to ban ‘brainstorming’ in favor of ‘thought showering’  — but these Dallas County Commissioners have definitely earned themselves a most dishonorable mention in the ’20 Kinds of Asshatednessly Overboard Responses’ subcategory.

    What other perfectly legit words and phrases will we next be asked to quit?
    Hmmmmmmm …..

  • Will we never have another black out?
    ::: Los Angelinos rejoice — right? :::
  • Do they stop searching for the black box after plane crashes?
  • Will companies have to stop reporting that they’re in the black?
    ::: Not many are actually doing that right now anyway :::
  • Should Sikorsky rename the Black Hawk helicopter — and (ACK!) what about Ridley Scott’s movie of the same name — guess that puppy’s got to be redone.
  • What’s to become of the folks currently living in Black Lick, Pennsylvania?
    ::: where o’ where will Aunt Midge’s mail go?!?!?! :::
  • Will Publix stop carrying black cherry soda?
  • Do I no longer have to fear black cats?
  • Can anarchists no longer fly their black flag?
  • Does Germany need to rename the Black Forest?
  • Will families no longer have black sheep?
    ::: don’t get excited Cleetus – you’ll always have that honor :::

  • God help the environmentalists once the aliens go PC …

    July 10, 2008 at 4:18 pm 6 comments

    Hollywood hater hates his children


    Well, he hates his son, Ed, at least.
    ::: tough break, kid :::

    Britney Spears and Mel GibsonThe National Enquirer is reporting that Hollywood’s preeminent Jew-Hater tried to hook up young Edward with The Mess of All Messes: Britney Spears.
    * Yes, we know. The Enquirer isn’t exactly a beacon of journalistic integrity or anything but — as we’ve mentioned previously – they do occasionally get one right, so we’re giving them a bit of latitude here.

    Apparently, a stint in rehab gave Eddie some super-cool mathematical insights, such as:
    Cokey Nose + Alky Head = Nasty Loser
    ::: It’s not a condition of bond, dad — it’s an investment!!! :::

    Then dear old dad hopped on the new math train and came up with a sure-fire winner of his own:
    Spawn of Mel + Cheeto Chaser = HOT NEW (sh)IT COUPLE

    Ya – Mel thought his kid’s E True Hollywood Rehab Success Story would totally rub off on The Human Stain and cure her of her boozy, greasy, vadge-flashin’, Marlboro-hazed ways — or maybe just score the little guy an easy lay some lonesome Saturday night.
    EWWWWWW!!!!!

    ::: Blech … puffcht … khackak … bwargh … :::
    Echhh … sorry.  I think I’m ok now.
    The double thought-whammy of anything Gibson bumpin’ nasties with Smelly Spears has officially made me rethink that breakfast burrito from this morning.

    Thankfully the hookup never happened.
    The night Mel and Co. came to Sheeto’s rez she channeled her inner crazy and hid from them all night … like grownups do.
    ::: I actually think that’s how all her dates start out :::

    It all worked out in the end though …
    Mad Mel and the Britster are totally  BFFs 4-EVAR now!! They spend their days chowing on corn chips and Pepsi, re-busting her weave, pushing little pointy shiny things into her Federslime voodoo doll and scrawlin’ evil screeds in their communal slam book.

    … kids …

    July 2, 2008 at 5:57 pm

    There’s no hope for the rest of us


    Kate Beckinsale doesn't like her bodyAll hope was lost the moment Kate Beckinsale demanded a body double for her latest film. Apparently, she “loathes” her bottom.

    Umm, yeah – that’s Kate in all her horrifically gigantic, lard-assness right there —————>

    Disgusting, I know.

    A  source on her new film Whiteout said: “Kate has a terrible self-image. She thinks she is fat and she is always complaining how certain outfits make her bottom look big. Of course, the reality is that she has the most amazing body.”

    Tragically — she isn’t soliciting comments with those remarks. She’s actually seriously effed in the head.

    How terrifically sad is it when an Oxford-educated, outrageously gorgeous, successful mother/wife/actress who reportedly suffered anorexia as a teenager is still battling retarded self-image demons?

    If you’re the parent of a daughter … hug her today and make sure she knows she is the apple of your eye and perfect just the way she is (well, that  and make sure she stays far, far away from R. Kelly).

    June 16, 2008 at 7:22 pm 3 comments

    Engaging!


    Old and Busted: Mariah Carey-, Ashlee Simpson-, Star Jones-style shallow relationships/media-managed nuptials, complete with pre-nup drama, divorce over/unders and preggo rumors (well, except for YOU, Star 😉

    New Hotness: Celebrity couples involved in, like, for real, serious, long-term relationships who don’t whore out their lurve to every gossip rag or teevee show in town!

    They’re rare, but they do exist!

    NEATO!

    robert redford and fianceeOne such couple? Robert Redford and his German artist girlfriend Sibylle Szaggars, who have been together more than a decade and got engaged this week.

    Something tells me these two crazy kids just might have a shot!!

    Redford and Szaggars, who is 19 years younger, have been together since 1996.

    The 71-year-old actor – who has been wed once before – told German magazine Bunte: “We are engaged and very happy with that. Sibylle is my fiancee and that says everything, doesn’t it?”

    Awwww … old people are cute

    May 24, 2008 at 11:18 am

    So NOT bringing sexy back


    Andy Garcia has a hairy back

    Updated lyrics inspired by Andy Garcia’s fur coat:

    He’s got a hairy back
    Them paparazzi don’t know how to act
    I think it’s gross what’s growing from your back
    So turn around or I’ll throw up my snack
    Take him to the spa!

    Dirty back
    You see that rear mane 
    Baby needs a shave
    A nasty back rug makes me want to heave
    It’s just that humans shouldn’t look this way

    Take him to the spa!

     Source

    May 21, 2008 at 2:03 pm 3 comments

    Man-orexia!?!


    What in the bloody hell is going on with Colin Farrell?!? I
    Either he’s snorting too much pixie dust or he landed a role in some new Holocaust movie where he had to drop, like, 90% of his body weight …
    I gotta think the smart money’s on the dust  …

    Colin Farrell looks like hell

    Photo: The Sun

    May 14, 2008 at 8:36 pm 4 comments

    You mean it wasn’t true love?!?


    Star Jones and Al Reynolds divorcingIn a completely and totally shocking development, original Bridezilla Star Jones has filed for divorce from Big Gay Al.

    We know — who could have seen THAT  announcement coming … I heart sarcasm

    In a statement to “Entertainment Tonight,” she said: “Several years ago I made an error in judgment by marrying a manlover, incessantly hyping the nuptials, having corporate sponsors for my wedding inviting the media into the most intimate area of my life. A month ago I filed for divorce just like everyone predicted would happen.”

    ::: Star Jones talking about her ‘intimate areas’ = nasty :::

    She drones on … “The dissolution of a marriage is a difficult time in anyone’s life that requires privacy with one’s thoughts. I have committed myself to handling this situation with dignity and grace and look forward to emerging from this period as a stronger and wiser woman.”

    And by handling the sitch with dignity and grace she means she couldn’t snag any corporate sponsorship for the breakup.

    ::: bew hew :::

    Poor girl — it’s hard, we know. Almost nothing tastes as bad as crow …

    April 23, 2008 at 7:10 pm 2 comments

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