Posts tagged ‘hollywood’

Which is worse?


Trying to pick up a chick at the funeral for your lover/son’s mother or finding out the chick you tried to pick up is your daughter?

Ayep. That’s the proverbial rock and hard place Ryan O’Neil found Osowronghimself between at Farrah Fawcett’s recent funeral.

“I had just put the casket in the hearse and I was watching it drive away when a beautiful blonde woman comes up and embraces me,” O’hellnohedidn’t disclosed to Vanity Fair.

“I said to her, ‘You have a drink on you? You have a car?’
She replied, ‘Daddy, it’s me – Tatum!’
::: so that’s how it is in their family … :::

“I was just trying to be funny with a strange Swedish woman, and it’s my daughter.
It’s so sick.”

Well, RyRy … the first part is admitting you have a problem …

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August 4, 2009 at 4:01 pm

R.I.P Ed McMahon


“It’s going to be a traumatic time for everyone, there’s no doubt about that.”
— Ed McMahon

June 23, 2009 at 1:48 pm

Movie makers get their miser on


Old and Busted: Ginormous payouts plus part of the profits paid to barely-even pedestrian performers.

New Hotness: Puttin’ those bitches on a budget!

budgetdivaIt’s true!

Oh sure, you may think life is all darkness and ominosity out there in this New Great Depression, but take heart you homeless hobos! There IS a silver lining!

Your impovrished ass is about to get company!
::: YAY!!! Misery LOVES company! :::

NGD Math Lesson:
Your broke-assness + global economic meltdown = movie bidness bottom lines are moving toward  disgusting diva demands.

Yessiree! After years of empty promises to cut the sweetheart deals with the pompous and the bitchy (AKA – mid-level movie stars), the studios are finally able to stick it to ’em!
Why?
Hellooooooo?!?!? Haven’t you been listening?

The ‘crisis’, you silly!

They’re slashing star salaries and pulling perks like private jets, too.
::: I’m guessing they’re not pickin’ up the rehab tab anymore, either? :::

“They’ve wanted to go in this direction for a long time and the global financial crisis has given them the lever to do it,” a veteran talent representative told The Daily Beast.

Another rep broke it down a little better. “The studios are going out to actors who have been $10 million players and saying, `Here’s $5 million.’ Here’s two and a half.”
::: SLAVE WAGES!!! :::

And if LindsayTaraWhatsHerFace balks? No biggie!
The studios will simply pick another thespian from the pile.
::: Bitches on backup – smoooooth! :::

“They’re not fucking around,”
Mr. Nonamebecauseweareprobablytalkingaboutmyclient
said. “They know exactly who that next person is.”

Which may explain why Marvel Studios offered Scarlett Johansson and the twins a paltry $250,000 for Iron Man 2.

“We don’t like to be portrayed as being disrespectful to talent, notwithstanding the fact that we are very budget-conscious and can’t always meet an actor’s initial asking price,” Marvel COO Tim Connors said.
“We say, `We wouldn’t normally ask an actor at this level to do this but we’d be thrilled to have them.”

Now, it’s all good because ScarJo and her magnificantly talented chi chi balls were able to negotiate their way up to a semi-sort of respectable $400,000 for the film – so we feel confident she’ll be able to feed and clothe herself for at least another week or two … but something tells me SAG may want to get crackin’ on an emergency out of work actress retraining program because Kirsten Dunst is gonna need some way to pay for those sniffy snax and god knows the fossil financing CZJ isn’t gonna live forever!

Let’s go guys — CHOP CHOP!

SOURCE

April 3, 2009 at 2:38 pm 6 comments

I bet THIS wasn’t on his Bucket List!


The dumb skank who admits she knowingly got into a car with a possibly drunk Morgan Freeman last August is now suing that hot piece for negligence, saying she wants to ‘clear her name from claims she was his mistress’.
::: And bank some sweet coin, of course! :::

Demaris ‘Do My Eyes Make Me Look Like A Crazy Gold-Digging Whore’ Meyer held an L.A. news conference where she whined about being labeled the ‘other woman’, channeled her inner Blogojevich and vowed to fight, Fight, FIGHT until cleanliness and dignity are restored to her allegedly once-good name.
::: … uh huh, good luck with that … :::

“I had hoped and prayed that Mr. Freeman or his representatives would have set the record straight and cleared my name, but they have not done so and that is why I have chosen to come forward to tell the truth about our relationship,” she bellyached to a handfull of people who, if we’re being honest here, probably only showed up to see what a potential Freeman fuckbuddy looked like.
::: … now we know? :::

According to her four-page lawsuit, she hopes to squeeze the Oscar-winner for pastpresentandfuture medical expenses, short-term memory loss , pain and suffering, some kind of short-term memory loss, pastpresentandfuture lost wages, permanent disability for short-term memory loss and other damages. Oh, and some sort of loss of memory … or something … and, uhh, don’t forget that big fucking truckload of money, bitches!!
::: … because nothing screams ‘Innocent Choir Girl’ louder than a legal shakedown … :::

The whole almost-hookup apparently happened because a mutual friend invited her to a dinner party so she could fuck meet the actor. She went, they dined, they got their drink on, they left and went back to the mutual friend’s house, they got their drink on there, then Miss Daisy jumped in Hoke’s Nissan and were makin’ the dash to his pad when things got all crashy.
::: … just your typical first-date stuff … :::

According to her [bullshit] lawsuit, she was in Freeman’s car only because he kindly offered to let her spend fucky times the night at his home — seeing as how “it would be much closer for Ms. Meyer to travel to her place of employment the next morning from Mr. Freeman’s home” than from the home of their mutual friend.

Uh huh … ‘cept Freeman’s house is in Charleston, Mississippi (89.5 miles from Meyer’s Memphis abode) and the friend lives in Clarksdale, Mississippi (77.6 miles from Memphis) — which would make it, like, NOT closer and stuff?

Oh but hey, in her defense, anyone stupid enough to get  in a car with someone they admit [in writing — filed with the courts] had been drinking, really isn’t the kind of brainiac who can be reasonably expected to handle simple geography or exhibit any of her own accountability or, you know,  personal responsibility or anything … right?

Right?

Right?

SOURCE
LAWSUIT

February 26, 2009 at 4:34 pm 13 comments

:(


joaquin_phoenix240joaquinishideous2

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                    2007 ………………………………………………………….. 2008

THIS hot hairy mess (and my boyfriend) are why 2009 is the year we should all be looking to get audaciously hopified … in triplicate!

The last year was hard, yo — and if you didn’t lose everything you own to a banking scandal or job loss or hush-hush trip to Vegas you can’t tell the missus about, then seeing the devastating toll the preceeding 12 months has taken on Joaquin Phoenix should nutshell it for you pretty concisely.

Dude is was a luscious piece and I am seriously prepared to cut a bitch for disagreeing … and so let’s offer up toasts, prayers, false idols and I’ll even throw in a really ugly ass regifted scarf my aunt thought would come in handy in FLORIDA (dumb bitch) in the hope that hotstuff can find his way to the razor counter at CVS, clean his shit UP and do better in 2009 …

… ’cause if he cain’t, ain’t no savin’ the rest of our sorry souls!

Godspeed Joaquin … godspeed!

January 1, 2009 at 6:56 pm 10 comments

CZJ enters the Bronze Age


What in the pimply fake bake hell is going on with Catherine Zeta-Jones’ face?!?
Bitch’s skin is all kinds of busted!

CZJ and Michael “The Crypt Keeper” Douglas were at the Global Leadership Awards Gala in New York City Wednesday night and, evidently, she thought it was a costume party … a Halloween costume party because she came made up as ‘Clown Catherine of the Land of Giant Pore’.

The only saving grace is that the shine coming off her skin is so intense it could actually temporarily blind innocent onlookers.
::: look away :::

Well, we hope it did.
::: look awaaayyyy!!!!! :::

October 2, 2008 at 8:51 pm 1 comment

Let’s face it …


Meg Ryan says her Hollywood career is nearly over and she’ll never be able to recapture her previous fame.
Why? Because she says there just aren’t enough good roles for women over 40.
::: Damn it all to hell and back! Who forgot to give the memo to Helen Mirren, Judy Dench, Diane Keaton, Meryl Streep, Annette Bening and Diane Lane?!? :::

“I think when Hollywood is done with me, I will probably be done with it. I’m not interested in playing those stock characters any more and I don’t feel sad that I don’t get those kind of offers.”

Someone’s in DEE-NIE-YULL!!!

It’s not her age that’s preventing her from landing roles …

… it’s her face.

It seems like only yesterday that everything was going along just swimmingly for America’s former sweetheart – then *BAM* – Meg boarded the big bus to crazy town!

Did it happen because folks found out she’d been bumpin’ fuglies with the Australian STD?
::: la chocha caliente :::
Did it happen because her then-husband of nine years decided it best to throw a cheatin’ chocha OUT?
Did it happen because no one liked ‘Hanging Up’?
::: they didn’t, get over it :::

Alas, we may never know what drove the Megster mad. But one thing’s for sure:
She must have some ginormously craterous self-esteem because – after being tossed out, she freaked out.

Meggers didn’t consult her oft-thumbed self-hater’s guidebook to wellness and she didn’t drag her ass in for analysis. Hell, she didn’t even develop a well-deserved chemical addiction!
She did it another  way.

Bitch ditched all that bankable girl-next-dooriness for an overblown trout pout, shaved schnoz, cutlet-y implants and some super-sateeny alien skin.
::: CAREER BE DAMNED!! muahahahahah!!!!! :::

Instead of trading on her natural good looks – she traded ’em IN.
Forever.

And it’s too bad, too – because, unless there’s a ‘When Harry Met Scary’ deal in the works, Meg’s makeover gave the once-upon-a-time cutie patootie the perfect face for just one thing:
Radio.

Meg? For future reference – when the mirror’s being mean to you – just remember …

September 16, 2008 at 4:13 pm 8 comments

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