Posts tagged ‘heehee’

You see it …


Kate Gosselin does her best Catherine O’Hara … if Catherine O’Hara was a talentless famewhore with a godawful weave, that is.

Kate – consult the Oracle of Eastabrook.
Sit at the altar of his greatness and learn how it’s done.

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January 7, 2010 at 11:26 am 6 comments

Pure Awesome


December 31, 2009 at 12:56 pm 6 comments

Because I’m three …


… and because I – like Tiger – need a laugh while recovering from minor surgery …

December 4, 2009 at 1:14 pm

A Senior Moment – of AWFUL!


Megacoot Roger Stephens has to get his perma-grimace in gear today and face the judge after being arrested earlier this week for cuffin’ a kid at the local Wal-Mart.

walmarthitterTaking a break from his daily regimen of screaming ‘GET OFF MY LAWN!” at the neighborhood chirruns, the 61-year-old Stone Mountainer was out shopping for Faded Glory jeans or Equate-brand laxatives or whatever the fuck it is people go into that hole to buy when a wailer on Aisle Three got him twenty kinds of AARPissed!!

According to the police report, Stephens gave the kid’s mom fair warning that if her spawn didn’t shut it he was gonna take care of that business himself.
Which is just what he did when his meds didn’t kick in he lost his gatdamned mind and slapped the woman’s two-year-old daughter ‘several times in the face’.
“See, I told you I would shut her up,” he reportedly crowed as mom brought the ‘Oh no you di’int!!!’ and screamed for security as another shopper stopped the spiteful senior.

Mr. Crankypants was arrested and charged with cruelty with children in the first degree.
And that’s a slice of big ol’ felony deliciousness, y’all!

He may not like the kiddies but he better learn to get along with L’il Trinny and ‘The Man’ down at Gwinnett County Correctional!

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September 3, 2009 at 10:40 am 4 comments

I’ll have the soup!


4517

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July 16, 2009 at 8:31 am

You gotta fight … for your right …


You will not hit the ceiling. You will not tear up the town. And under no circumstances will you attempt to cut footloose in the wee morning hours around Des Moines, Iowa.
::: Jack, get back! :::

An FL_baconasinine ordinance – circa 1942 – that’s still on the books makes public dancing between 2 a.m. and 6 a.m. Monday through Saturday and 2 a.m. through 8 a.m. on Sundays about 20 shades of not legal.
::: Whoa, Milo! :::

This is some Reverend Shaw Moore shit!
“Even if this was not a law, which it is, I’m afraid I would have a lot of difficulty endorsing an enterprise which is as fraught with genuine peril as I believe this one to be.”

SPOOKY!!

“It’s a silly law that shouldn’t exist and the law shows we aren’t keeping up with the times,” said Ren McCormack Zachary Mannheimer, executive director of the Des Moines Social Club.

A feeling that Willard, Ariel and the rest of the gang down at Bomont High School, like, totally share and stuff!

They say they’re done playing it cool, obeying every rule. They’re burning, yearning for somebody to tell them that life ain’t passin’ them by! Because, let’s face it, they know it will … if they don’t even try.
That’s right.
They can fly!
If they’d only cut loose.

FOOTLOOSE!!!!

FL_meetingSo they’re planning to make an impassioned plea at today’s City Council meeting in an effort to get city leaders to abolish the outdated dickslap to the dance and revitalize the spirit of the repressed townspeople!!

Not for nothing, but this shit would actually be funny — if it were’t true, which it is and that gives me the sadz …

But hey, Des Moiners – I hope you win.
I DO!

FL_willardNot [only] because there is some high-ass hilariosity whenever you get a bunch of whitebread midwestern Iowans shakin’ what their mamma’s gave ’em and bumpin’ it to the Peas’ Boom Boom Pow (for serious!) — but because it’s not just about a dance …

… Not anymore.

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PHOTOS: Paramount Pictures

July 13, 2009 at 2:29 pm 6 comments

What HE said …


An unruly little urchin with a smart mouth he’s not afraid to use – Dalten Duncan is my kind of kid, yo!

If I didn’t know better I’d swear I popped out this punk myself. He could be me!!
::: if i had a peen … and was still in junior high … and lived on the other side of the country … :::

Frealz — what else could you say when someone says you need to push it in further?!?
Ed. Note: Dumb bitch teacher needs detention for not knowing the difference between ‘further’ and ‘farther’.

A moment of reverential silence now for a super-sassy slice of awesomely acerbic adolescence.

push-it-in
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July 9, 2009 at 12:47 pm

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