Posts tagged ‘health’

House rules

Oh sure, the health care bill thankfully passed the house, but only on a very narrow 220-215 vote.
But eh, given the way these mo’s work shit out, it’s a wonder anything gets done!

Get ready for the five most frustrating minutes I’ll ever give you …

November 9, 2009 at 10:26 am 2 comments

Rare photo!! Bipartisanship in action!!

Senate Finance Committee Chairman Sen. Max Baucus, D-Mont., left, shakes hands with committee member Sen. Olympia Snowe, R-Maine after a committee vote on the health care reform bill today.

It’s NOT just a myth!

Way to go, Olympia Snowe!
::: The ONLY Republican senator professional enough to put politics aside and at least try to do the right thing. :::
“When history calls, history calls.”
– Sen. Olympia Snowe, R-Maine

October 13, 2009 at 8:55 pm

Let’s talk about sex, baybee!

The Palm Beach Post has ideas, y’all!

postspelApparently not satisfied that mangling headlines and shoving the really annoying shit other pubs call ‘news’ to the bottom of the page screams “We’re goin’ DOWN, bitches!!!quiiiiite loud enough … the Post has decided to add ‘sex colunmist’ the list of positions they’ll be cutting in the next round of  layoffs.
::: Always think ahead!! :::

reporterAt least that’s the rumor I heard last night from someone who works for a competitor who’s name I won’t mention but who’s initials are The South Florida Sun Sentinel.

If this nugget is true, then the Post’s intrepid health reporter has been  bangin’ on doors all over the place looking for the next Dr. Ruth or Dr. Drew or — I can only hope — Dan Savage.

Unfortunately, it’s the Post, so I think I can go out on a limb here and predict with about a gozillion percent accuracy that we can count out the raunchy hee hees someone like Savage would bring.
::: sad face :::

Nope, it’s the Post.
Home of the Charticle.
Land of the Bland.

We’ll get two and a half months of some watered-down Courting Disaster ripoff with a creepy Aunt Marge avatar cautioning the Q-Tips not to ‘get frisky’ with their dentures in before the deafening laughter and endless fingerpointing force the powers that be to add this idea to their growing pile of ‘can’t sell’.
::: bow chicka, umm, yeah – not so much … :::

December 12, 2008 at 6:28 pm 26 comments

Ok, now everybody REALLY panic

Just as we predicted – the end is nigh!!

Fresh on the heels of their New York office snack-crackdown, Google mucketymucks have taken the first final step into the employment abyss by announcing this week that they will ‘significantly’ reduce the number of contract workers they hire, which we all know is industry speak for ‘Watch your fannies full-timers — YOUR NEXT!

“We have been thinking for some time, before the acute phase of the economic crisis, about significantly reducing the number of contract workers,” a Google mouthpiece confirmed.

Uhhhh HUH …

Google’s headcount at the end of the third quarter was 20,123 company employees and a contractor army some 10,000 strong. Contractors going bye-bye include coders, cafeteria workers and campus bus drivers as well as the most crucial cog in the wheel of commerce –  members of the cleaning crew.
::: fun is fun ’till the toilet paper runs out! :::

Uhhhh HUH …

Didn’t someone who’s name we won’t mention but who’s initials are THE COOKIE say:

“The day you see the big swingin’ dick around town pinchin’ pennies is the day you can pretty much start packing it in.
That’s it.
Lights out.
Don’t let the ‘jobs are next to go’ sign hit you in the ass on your way out.”

Uhhhh HUH …

November 26, 2008 at 1:53 pm 1 comment

The Name Game

There are people in this world who shouldn’t even be allowed to breed — let alone name their offspring.

Case Study:
<— Asshat Simpson and her freakish emo baby daddy, Pete Wentzhispants

These two goddamned twits named their sad, unfortunate spawn …  Bronx.

And it gets worse.

The brat’s full brand is Bronx Mowgli Wentz


NO WAY  you can say it without sounding like Elmer Fudd!

Aside from having waaaayyyyyy too many of ALL of the weird vowels and consonants – they named their kid after the poorest Congressional district in the entire fucking country … and a fictional character who’s name may or may not mean ‘frog’.

Jesusmaryandjoseph! Just nickname the little bastard ‘target of unbridled youth aggression’ already because that’s exactly what he’s gonna be.


November 21, 2008 at 4:03 pm 6 comments

Jessica Simpson is pregnant … in the lips

26459PCN_JessicaWhat in lard-lipped puckery pigfat hell happened to Jessica Simpson’s face?!?

Looks like someone got a little too cozy with the collagen … either that or she tried to suck off an entire hive of bees, which I would have paid good money to see and all … but, then again, I’d also pay good money to see drunk babies rollerskate … so, you know, you can’t go by me.


November 19, 2008 at 1:33 pm

Thanks for the concern and no, I don’t have a kid named *^!&#!!

yay1I am a great neighbor.

I will feed the dog when you’re out of town.
I will help you shutter should a hurricane come calling.
I will babysit the brats when you want your private sexy time.
And, of course, I will always have your back when the liquor runs low.

Yup – I am a GREAT neighbor … as long as you can deal with my Seasonal Weekend Tourette’s, that is.

Seasona … what?

Seasonal Weekend Tourette’s: An inherited disorder of the nervous system, characterized by an insatiable hunger for extra yardage, stiff arms and double coverage with occasional and unexplained movements (wall kicks, phone slams, fist pumps) and noises (what thuh?? You Gotta Be KIDDING Me! MUTHAH-FUKKKKKKUHHHHH!!!!!!!).

It’s ok – it runs in the family.
My dad has it, his dad had it, two uncles on my mother’s side have it and I’m pretty sure I’ve seen signs of it in my young nephew.
Lately I’ve been having some pretty nasty flareups which, apparently, haven’t gone unnoticed.

“Is everything ok?” the dudette next door probed as I edged my driveway this weekend.

“Yeah, sure. Why?”

“Just been hearing a lot of yelling is all ” she trailed off, nervously fingering her wedding ring.

Well, we have had kinda coolish weather lately (for Florida) so the hubster and I opened all the windows …

I bet dudette misunderstood the “WOOT WOOT! YEAAHHH BABY — get it, Git It, GIT IT!!!!” that rang out from my house Thursday night when Cutler brought home the bacon for the Broncos.

I bet that’s it. But that’s not so bad! Pffshhh — big deal.
Ummm hmmmm …..

Mmmmmmm …… uuuhhhhhh …..

booThen agaiiinnnnn – now that I think about it … she may have meant the “WHAT in the name of holy fuckTARDENESS are you doing?!? JACKASS! DUMBSHIT!!!” that’s kiiind of, sort of, possibly, in a roundabout way been screamed, shouted and screeched from various rooms in the rez since midway through October.

Well! That’s when Romo went down! And T.O. has been a big ol’ useless bag o’ balls ever since!!

I can’t help it! I am powerless against my condition!
It’s not my fault!!!!

Trust me — you simply cannot stop the cacophony of cussing that must be spewed forth when something like that happens.
You can’t.
Don’t do it.
Don’t even try!
Seriously — you could rupture something.

So – I mean – I’m, like, all sorry to upset you and everything Mrs. Annoyed Neighbor Crybaby Whineyhead, but I suffer from SWT (aggravated by poor Fantasy Football performance) and there’s no cure ’till February.
::: … the first step is admitting you have a problem, right? … :::

Can I still come to the holiday block party?

November 12, 2008 at 4:46 pm 5 comments

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