Posts tagged ‘headline’

Headline ULTRAFAIL


headlineFAIL

Uhh, burial?

SOURCE: Charter.net homepage

Advertisements

August 27, 2009 at 7:53 pm 2 comments

Adding up the WHAT?!?


superbowly

Does anyone else see that?
I mean, cocktail hour did come early at Chez Cookie today so it’s entirely possible I’m not seeing what I swear I’m seeing … and that I saw waaaaaay earlier this morning but was all ‘oh HAHAHA — I’m sure someone’ll catch that soon’ … but now it’s, like, hours later and that shit’s still there, so I’m all ‘maybe it’s just me?!?’

Be real with me guys – is it just me?

Well, just in case it is — good luck at the Super Bowly everyone!!

SOURCE 

January 31, 2009 at 7:32 pm 1 comment

Let’s talk about sex, baybee!


The Palm Beach Post has ideas, y’all!

postspelApparently not satisfied that mangling headlines and shoving the really annoying shit other pubs call ‘news’ to the bottom of the page screams “We’re goin’ DOWN, bitches!!!quiiiiite loud enough … the Post has decided to add ‘sex colunmist’ the list of positions they’ll be cutting in the next round of  layoffs.
::: Always think ahead!! :::

reporterAt least that’s the rumor I heard last night from someone who works for a competitor who’s name I won’t mention but who’s initials are The South Florida Sun Sentinel.

If this nugget is true, then the Post’s intrepid health reporter has been  bangin’ on doors all over the place looking for the next Dr. Ruth or Dr. Drew or — I can only hope — Dan Savage.

Unfortunately, it’s the Post, so I think I can go out on a limb here and predict with about a gozillion percent accuracy that we can count out the raunchy hee hees someone like Savage would bring.
::: sad face :::

Nope, it’s the Post.
Home of the Charticle.
Land of the Bland.


We’ll get two and a half months of some watered-down Courting Disaster ripoff with a creepy Aunt Marge avatar cautioning the Q-Tips not to ‘get frisky’ with their dentures in before the deafening laughter and endless fingerpointing force the powers that be to add this idea to their growing pile of ‘can’t sell’.
::: bow chicka, umm, yeah – not so much … :::

December 12, 2008 at 6:28 pm 26 comments

Item for daynote?


Now that we know what The Birmingham News is covering  …
aldotcom
*someone needs to burp their CMS …

December 10, 2008 at 1:41 pm 11 comments

Wait. What?


sentinelwhat

Mah brain’s gettin’ a confusion contusion!
Glad I voted early!

… stay tuned …

November 4, 2008 at 6:23 pm

Post … toasted?


I don’t even know why anyone bothers reading the local rag anymore.

While converting oxygen to carbon dioxide this afternoon, I decided to check out the local newspaper’s online product and hooboy howdy let me tell you — what a colossal fucking waste of time THAT was!

Aside from being visually accosted by a ginormous Kim KardASSian jpeg occupying what would (on any other website) be the ‘lede’ slot, as well as being force-fed some hellish looking booking mugs (all begging ‘click me – click meeeee because we think meaningless clickage we don’t know how to monetize is TOTALLY where it’s at!!!’) I noticed one of the many all-important ‘we’re-on-top-of-things-bringing-you-the-latest-must-know-info!!!!’ “NEW” gifs on the homepage.

Hooray! New information!!

  • Did the FED make a rate cut?
  • Did my local city council pass a new resolution?
  • Are they working on fixing the voting glitches identifed countywide?
    WHO CARES! There’s bigger news out there:
    Martin County woman reports puppy stolen

  • … and with that I had to (once again) lift up
    The Palm Beach Post in prayer.

    Not only has the pub proven it doesn’t care about little things like being comprehensive, topical, easy to use or – god forbid — LOCAL …
    ::: Ask a Local … anyone? :::
    Not only has it shown it can’t compete locally …
    ::: Post Geography Lesson: Boca Raton is NOT in Palm Beach County :::
    The daily, lameass slapped together output underscores,
    highlights and puts in bold that it’s a product that doesn’t even know where to begin to try and compete.
    ::: and we had such high hopes … well, ok, we actually didn’t … :::

    One thing is clear – the powers that be have gone balls to the fucking wall in favor of the old ‘Pasta Method’ — just throwing any old horseshit online to see what might stick.

    The result?
    The site is Teflon.
    ::: good for cookware, bad for market share :::

    Was the same true of other rags?
    I shamefully admit I was curious! So I used the nifty tools at Compete.com to do a quick and down-n-dirty looky-loo.

    Comparing monthly visits at pbpost.com, sunsentinel.com and daytondailynews.com over the last year it’s grim-reapery apparent that the end is probably, more than likely, gonna have to be soon.

    See how Dayton’s at least snagging monthlies in the million range? Small by web standards, but respectable enough, I suppose, considering how extremely late in the game newspapers decided to join this wacky  Internet fad …

    But then you look at the sad little Post and Sentinel numbers — not even half a mil — not even a quarter of a mil! Yet even in the ‘Itty Bitty No-Hitty Committee’ category — the Sentinel smokes the Post month after month.
    ::: well, if nothing else – they’re consistent! :::

    Then I compared monthly unique visitors – *heavy sigh*

    See that blue flatline at the bottom? That’s the Post … kinda says it all, doesn’t it?

    Now, do you suppose that perhaps, just maybe in the teensiest of little ol’ ways that this ‘news’paper site’s inability to attract ‘news’ viewers could be because there’s barely any NEWS going on there?
    ::: and I’m not talking about the same stale shit you can get any everywhere else … :::

    Do advertisers want to be aligned with booking mugs? Well, maybe bail bondsmen — too bad none bought space …
    Does a retarded  ‘Dancing with the Stars’ recap in the lede news slot (as opposed to a more appropriately placed teaser) make web users want to go out and spend money locally? Dunno — I was expecting a tie-in ad, perhaps a dance studio slam spot. Instead I got nadda.

    Which is just what I’ve come to expect from my hometown disaster – nadda.
    And, looking at the numbers, I’m not alone.

    Note to the Post:
    Let us know when you figure out what you wanna be when you grow up – a newspaper or a gossip sheet.
    ::: I hope it’s a newspaper because PBC could actually use some meaningful local copy … oh, and we already have Dlisted, Mollygood, Jossip, Defamer, The Superficial and so many others for our daily dish – ‘kay snookums? :::

    You can lead a horse to water, but unless you can sell that bitch something while she’s there your CPM and ROI are gonna be MIA …
    … the Post must think that’s not really a BFD …

    September 23, 2008 at 9:28 pm 5 comments


    This is the shit you bitches are reading


    Creative Commons License
    Lifeisacookie is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 United States License.


    %d bloggers like this: