Posts tagged ‘gross’

And suddenly I feel all …


Well, seizurey for damn sure … but then I take a step back and ponder Scrawberreh Shoatcake a while longer and suddenly I’m all …

… nah, still seizurey.

I mean, I get it.
I know we can’t all be Sahar!
Hell, Sahar can barely handle being Sahar!!

But try, ‘kay?
Maybe just a little?

Because jammin’ your hams into a mess like that is among the wrongest kinds of wrongs.

That pank is stank, yo!

I’m serious.
Stop it.

Because perpetrating this kind of absolute rock-bottom fashion fuckery is ick and blech and ptooey and I’m pretty sure illegal in several states because of all of the aforementioned reasonation-type shit not to mention it hurts my fucking EYES!

MY EYES!!!!!!

So seriously — stop it.
Frealz.

Because landing your bedazzled butt on POWM or Poorly Dressed should not be your goal, your fallback position or your alibi.

So, like, seriously really — stop it.

Because some things you just can’t un-see.

September 18, 2011 at 8:41 pm 5 comments

You gotta want it BAAAAD!


Listen up, ladies!

If you’ve been bringin’ the chunk and are just flat-out tired of fighting that flab then have I got good news for you!

You can say adios to Atkins and put away the Pilates equipment because diet and exercise are so last year!

All you need to get trim and toned is about $725, a boatload of Band-Aids and a preposterously-high threshold for pain.

WHEEE!!!

The Dermaroller, last year’s cult beauty hit, is every girl’s gateway to getting gorgeous.

The needle-studded roller previously used a bunch of piddly 0.5-1.5mm pins for facial firming-upping but inventor Michael Prager went all ‘pffeh! on that mess and pimped that bitch OUT with 3mm needles to tortuously target your saggiest sections!

MARVELOUSLY MEDIEVAL!

The roller works by piercing the tiny blood vessels in the top layer of skin.
[ow]
The resulting [ow] bleeding [ow] releases platelets, which help to repair and regenerate connective tissues, stimulating the production of collagen. It’s the same principle that applies to facial peels [ow] and laser skin treatments [ow].

However, rather than damaging the top layer of skin – the way both of peels and lasers do – the 20-minute Dermaroller treatment penetrates straight through into the dermis.

Oh yes! A bloody good show, indeed!

After a topical anaesthetic cream is applied to the area being treated, the device is rolled across the skin 16 times in a star-shaped formation, creating around 250 tiny punctures per centimeter square inch. You couldn’t treat an area bigger than a stomach, for example, in one session.

‘Even with the anaesthetic cream, the process was agony,’ victim patient Stephanie Jones explained. ‘For the last five minutes I was screaming. But I suppose it’s still less painful than a tummy tuck. I walked out of the clinic straight after, and although I was bruised the next day, I didn’t need painkillers.’

Two weeks after her treatment Stephanie’s stretch marks began fading and the folds of loose skin on her tummy were tightening.

So it’s savage … but it’s successful.

Win-win?

Well, for Stephanie it sure is! That hot slut is going back for seconds!

And me?
Well, I say (wo)Man-UP and get a total body makeover! Go full Iron-Maiden or go home, wimps!

SOURCE

March 30, 2010 at 10:08 am 4 comments

How ’bout no?


Hey gents?

If ingesting whatever the chemitoxins are that go into making ‘Force Factor’ turn you into an over-veinous, roided-out superfreak with a seriously fucked up photoshoppy waistline and an expression that smacks of ‘Wait. It’s wrong that I find my 12-year-old sister hot?’ then, uhh, I sure hope you’ll pass it up!

EWW!

March 5, 2010 at 11:19 am 3 comments

Sounds boaring to me


At first, I felt bad for ol’ meemaw when I saw this picture because I was all ‘It’s not that kind of balloon, sweetie’ but then I read the cutline and felt really bad for her because she lives in a town where inflating pig intestines is considered entertainment and, by the looks of her, she’s been suckin’ on sow bowels for a seriously looooooong time.
::: sadz :::

Seems Ukrainian peeps in the mapdot that is Gecha like pigs so much that those crackheads go hog wild and celebrate all things dined from swine … especially blood pudding, which can be a putrid bucket of pfftOOEY if Porky’s innards haven’t been pre-prepared properly.

Ayep — the annual Pigs Carvers Festival is an ancient tradition steeped in lore and rurality and whatever the hell else ancient Ukrainian traditions have going for them — but locals are hoping to turn that mess into a magnet for tourists.

Move over Spaniards with your silly Running of the Bulls!
Come to Gecha and Get’cha Oinker Entrails On!

Umm, yeah … good luck with that.

Oh, and meemaw? Slight suggestion, hon … there is a much better way to enjoy sausage … just sayin’. 😉

PHOTO: AP/Getty Images

February 12, 2010 at 11:12 am 2 comments

Artistic FAIL


These nasty gnomes are the brainfart of artist Ottmar Hörl, who put 1,250 of them in an installation he calls ‘Dance with the Devil’ on display for the next five days in the central square of a Bavarian town near Munich, Germany.

Hörl had previously created a single, golden Hitler-saluting gnome that folks had tried to have legally removed from an art gallery.

Why?
Because Nazi symbols are prohibited in public there.
::: as they should be everywhere :::

The case was later dropped because the grotesque little goblin was apparently meant to be ‘satirical’.

But — and only because there’s no fucking accounting for some folks’ fucked-up fetishes is all I can think of – the whole hobgoblin legal hullaballoo sparked enough ignorant interest in the heinous little beasts that Hörl dreamed up this latest disturbing display.

“As long as I manage to polarize, I’m on the right track,” he said.
::: hmmm … and here I always thought that was Rush Limbaugh’s signature move … :::

October 15, 2009 at 10:08 am 2 comments

Hey K-FAT!


kfat

Maybe wanna try a salad?!?

Seriously, that trick’s gonna need his own fucking ZIP code soon if he doesn’t layoff the In-N-Out!
::: Or maybe he prefers BK … would that make him the BIG Mac daddy now? :::

October 2, 2009 at 10:35 am

Fuckin’ kids



Oh.
My.
GAWD!

Queen Victoria was HUGE!
And I don’t mean just hugely significant from an historical standpoint, ‘kay?
That bitch was bustin’ out and bringin’ the chunk by the motherload, yo!

Just check out the bulky bloomers on display at London’s Kensington Palace, which were worn by that hot stack of homefried steak herself at the end of the 19th century.
::: heavy thigh :::

Let’s face it, those 56-inch waist drahz would fit better as the newest addition to the Ripley’s Hall of Frame-Shame than it does in its new home – Britain’s Royal Ceremonial Dress Collection at Kensington Palace. Oh but those luxurious loins and that fullest of full figures wasn’t her fault, see?!

The longest-serving monarch in all of British history, that most fantabulastic of fatasses is said to have had a much more acceptable 20-inch waist as a younger woman, but the abuse her body endured after birthing nine brats swelled her buttery buttocks to bulkitudinously beastly behemoth proportions.
::: blech! :::

Those little bastards are sooo grounded!

SOURCE

September 9, 2009 at 10:09 am

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