Posts tagged ‘government’

Bloody Good Show


Hey hey there Polly Protesters, stompin’ around all huffy with your unified clenched fists and your homemade signs shouting ‘No more blah blah’ or ‘We’re not blah blah’ or whatever blah blah you shout about — LISTEN UP!

You’re doing it wrong.

You are!

Your organized marches shouting walks against this thing or that thing or whatever thing’s got your blood boiling are downright boring! They’re too tame and too lame to get traction and reaction.

You need to spill that blood instead of just allowing shit to bring it to a boil!

That’s how ya get ACTION!

Just ask the protest PROS over in Thailand – those ho’s know how to rally!

Anti-government protesters started donating their own blood this week in preparation to protest their pissiosity with the powers-that-be.

Hundreds of red-shirted demonstrators gave blood as part of a plan to splatter the Thai government headquarters in a symbolic sacrifice to press their demand that Prime Minister Abhisit Vejjajiva agree to dissolve parliament and order new elections.

HEMOGLOBIN HIJINKS!

Protest leaders vowed – THEY VOWED!!! – to collect the equivalent of 1,000 standard soft drink bottles full of the funky fluid for maximum spillage at the Government House.

“This blood belongs to fighters for democracy. What is its color? Red!” an announcer shouted.

YEAHHHH REEEEEEED, BITCHES!!!!!

“Now that people have agreed to sacrifice their blood like this, how can [Abhisit] not make a sacrifice by dissolving the parliament?” said Weng Tojirakarn, a protest leader and doctor.

YEAHHHH!
‘cept he won’t.

Abhisit told a nationwide television audience that his government’s goal is not to “remain entrenched” but that it would not step down in response to the protesters.

YEA … uh, oh.
Yeah?! Welllll, it’s not over!
Just you wait ’till Full Thrombosis Thursday!!

YEAHHHH!!!

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March 17, 2010 at 10:11 am 3 comments

Butt … wait!


Congratulations Floridians – you’re one freedom fewer!
ūüė¶

The Florida Department of Health has ruled – albeit reluctantly – that once you sign a medical procedure consent form you can’t stop the procedure once it’s begun … even, say ohhhh I don’t know — when the ANESTHESIA wears off?!?

That’s right, kiddies!
You get to grimace and bear it.
::: Just say ‘oh no!’ :::

Just ask the 61-year-old Pasco County woman who filed a formal complaint after gastroenterologist Kozhimala John refused to stop a colonoscopy after her anesthesia wore off and she was quite literally begging him to halt the procedure.

Investigative records of the May 2008 incident show the colonoscopy was underway when the sedation, a common mix of Versed and Fentanyl, wore off. Records show the patient told the doctor that he was hurting her and pleaded for him to stop.

He didn’t.

“Please stop!” she insisted, while the nurse tried to shush her, records show.

He didn’t.

“Most people would say: ‘I didn’t really mean for you to stop the procedure even though I told you to…’ She was under sedation,” John said. “I couldn’t take her words for sure.”
::: I bet you took her co-pay and insurance for sure though, eh doc? :::

After the complaint was filed, DOH lawyers (get the irony??) tried to find some clause — any clause — in the Medical Practice Act that would apply in cases like this.

They didn’t.

John, who is board-certified in internal medicine and gastroenterology, was charged only with inadequate record-keeping for failing to document the many ways the colonoscopy went awry.

He accepted a reprimand, a $15,000 fine, agreed to perform 100 hours of community service and take a course on “risk management.”

When the Board of Medicine heard the case in Orlando earlier this month, some members fumed about the state dropping the more serious accusation.

“There was unnecessary suffering inflicted,” DOH prosecutor Robert A. Milne told the Florida Board of Medicine recently, “but we had to (drop the charges) for legal reasons.”

Donald Mullins, one of three non-physicians on the 15-member board, spoke sharply to John. “It‚Äôs her body. She needed to make the decision. These were not your decisions to make … I‚Äôm disgusted that we‚Äôre going to (accept the settlement). I just can‚Äôt believe it!”

Miami pediatrician Onelia Lage said John displayed too little regard for the wishes of his patient. “Regardless of the legalities, when the patient screamed and said, ‚ÄėNo!, you needed to listen.”

Maybe he will … maybe he won’t, but one thing’s for sure … he doesn’t really have to …

… and apparently, Floridians, neither does your doctor …

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December 17, 2009 at 11:12 am 1 comment

Fashion faux pas


Take heart hobos – help is on the way!
And you’ll never guess where from!!

Government job offer? Nope – try again.
Secured bank loan? Negatory! Try again!
Credit card debt forgivess?
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
::: that would be a HELL no :::

No no no you sillies!

Your new friend in the face of this financial crisis isn’t the feds or any of the [many] houses of finance YOU bailed out with all that delicious TARPerificality.

No sir!
It’s Fashion!!
VOGUE fashion to be precise.

See, the¬†magazine’s international¬†pubs¬†are suddenly all ‘poor is the new black’ so they’re planning to plan a simultaneously planned fashion extravagaaaanzaaaaa in 13 cities this September because they believe that watching sluts strut around in clothes you could never afford really is the best way to fight off the gloomies you’re feeling over all the pesky global economic probs.

“It seems important to mobilise to celebrate fashion, and show that despite the difficult times we more than ever need the enchantment and pleasure fashion brings,” explained Vogue editor Carine Roitfeld.

vogueforpoorsBecause … OF COURSE … why would anyone hold out for some boring old economic uptick or a sea change of governmental, corporate and personal fiscal responsibility to stop the worried, sleepless nights when they could just watch a fashion show?!?

“From London to New York to Milan and Mumbai, the magazine will invite its readers from different countries as well as others in the Conde Nast group — GQ, Vogue Hommes, Glamour, AD — to join the September 10 event ‘to celebrate the fashion industry.’ ”

The fashion industry?
Wait … they meant ‘to celebrate the spirit of the working person in the face of hardship and sacrifice’ right? Right?
I mean, I don’t know many vagabonds who read Vogue so that has to be a typo.

“In cities involved in the event, luxury stores will remain open to shoppers till late with Vogue writers, models and designers offering lessons in style.”

Umm, luxury stores? Shopping?
How does that speak to the strapped?
Where is the benefit for the beggar?

According to Xavier Romatet, who heads Publications Conde Nast, the idea is¬†“to revive consumers’ taste for fashion and shopping.”

Ohhhh … ok … sooo Vogue is the beggar then …
::: *sigh :::

Back to the breadline, bitches!!

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June 9, 2009 at 3:26 pm 2 comments

Standards for Poors?


I have a way cool diversion for any of the four of you not idling away this New Great Depression by spending your days panhandling for pennies or standing in bread lines: POLI-TOPO PAUPER FUN!!

The clever tallymasters over at the Sargent Shriver National Center on Poverty Law have added up the way every member of Congress voted on every bill that had anything to do in even the mostest remotest of ways with fighting that little nuisance we call daily life poverty.
::: NEATO! :::

Unfortunately, a quick check of the Sunshine State reveals some not-so-sunny news for our state’s¬†hobo and vagabond collective: More than¬†half of the richies repping them in Congress have consistently voted against pretty much any and all measures that might have meant any kind of meaningful movement on the povery front.
::: Take note, freeloaders!! :::

Tramps and beggars in my home state of Alabama faired slightly better Рthey at least had actual Republican-type personages who occasionally threw a Yes vote behind legislation for the poors.
:::¬†Mike Rogers — you ol’ switch-hitter you!!¬†:::

And what about your state??

As you watch your bank account sink further into the red Рwould you like to know just how little you can expect from your own lawmakers ?

Well this is your lucky day then, you needy bastards!
Just click here to rate your state!

Now go get a job, ya bums!

February 20, 2009 at 5:19 pm 9 comments

In Bay City it’s pay up … or DIE!


Hey — way to go, Bay City, Michigan Utility Nazis!

Your black-hearted money grubbery at the pinnacle of this New Great Depression now has a body count!

93-year-old Marvin E. Schur died “a slow, painful death” after he fucking¬†FROZE TO DEATH inside his own home — mere days after you limited his use of electricity.

Bay City’s Manager, Robert Belleman said the the city didn’t do anything wrong because the nearly century old human being owed Bay City Electric Light & Power more than $1,000. So, see?¬†They were forced — FORCED I tell you – to freeze him the fuck OUT!

baycitymichNow, $1,000 in unpaid bills is a lot, I’ll grant you. But at some point¬†during the accrual process¬†wouldn’t you think there’d have been¬†a phone call or, ooo I know – a visit to Mr. Schur’s home¬†to¬†check the sitch???
I mean that would have been easy considering his house is only ONE GODDAMNED MILE FROM THE GODDAMNED UTILITY OFFICE!!!!

Uh huh¬†—¬†a proactive approach — what about it fellas?? Ever think of that???

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Umm, yeah — looks like a big cuppa¬†negatory on that one!

And it’s too bad, because, according to their website, at the close of 2008, Bay City Electric, Light & Power owned and operated utility assets of $64 million with total annual revenues of approximately $25.6 million.

Buuuut, instead of tapping their own admittedly robust resources in fine mistzvah fashion …
or getting really radical and working out some sort of payment plan …
or doing the unthinkable and asking for¬†donations to help the¬†poor old¬†man …
OR – oh hell, just making the smallest of efforts to go that extra smidge¬†and contact folks who, like,¬†help needy elderly people??? (… like, oh I dunno – say, the ones on the list of ‘Agencies and Organizations Providing Emergency Help’ that’s fucking¬†LISTED ON THEIR OWN FUCKING WEBSITE!!! ACK!!!)
Ohhhh no.

Instead of foolin’ with¬†of any of that shit – the Bay City bastards did things another way.

The greedysonofabitchfuckingheartlessasshole way.

They installed¬†a “limiter” device to restrict the use of electricity at the old man’s home

… in the middle of WINTER …

… in MICHIGAN!

The nifty little device limits the power coming into a home and, as an added bonus,  blows out like a fuse if consumption rises past a set level.

But the best part?
The power doesn’t get restored until the device is reset.

Belleman said city workers keep the limiter on houses for 10 days, then shut off power entirely if the homeowner hasn’t paid utility bills or arranged to do so.

But they didn’t have to do that in¬†Marvin Schur’s case.

NOSIREEEE!!!!
It only took them four days to kill him, instead of the policy-mandated 10.

See, somehow, the limiter was tripped sometime between the January 13  installation and the January 17 discovery of his frozen deadness.

At the time his poor neighbors found him, the temperature inside his house was below 32 degrees and ice had formed in the kitchen and on the inside of his windows.

“It’s not easy to die from hypothermia without first realizing your fingers and toes feel like they’re burning,”¬†said Kanu Virani, Oakland County’s deputy chief medical examiner, who performed the autopsy.

Ever the PR machine, Belleman was quick to lay blame smack DAB where you’d expect: On the neighbors!!

“I’ve said this before and some of my colleagues have said this: Neighbors need to keep an eye on neighbors,” he alibied. “When they think there’s something wrong, they should contact the appropriate agency or city department.”

Stay classy Bay City … stay classy

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ACK!!!!!

January 27, 2009 at 2:33 pm 34 comments

I see!


Well slap my ass and call me twinkie РI may not need the Tarot and ball, after all!! 

I predicted the Alaskan Hotness would be offered a snuggly (if short-lived) spot near the captain’s chair on the ol’ Straight Talk Express …

I also knew we’d all be standing in bread lines soon enough, so why pay Jenny Craig when food prices are shooting up so fast we’re all gonna starve on the government’s time ¬†first …

And my divination of a web-only category for the Pulitzers???
Umm hmm, yuppers — that’s happening as well (and two years early, too!).

This is a huge slice of all-seeing AWESOMENESS!

I’ve got mad cerebral supersensory skillz, yo!
Miss Cleo better watch out, cuz I, like, know shit ‘n stuff!

OMFG – I KNOW SHIT, PEOPLE!!!!
::: Fall-back career –¬†WHEEEEEEEE!!!!¬†! :::

I bet we are totally gonna get that call from Miriam-Webster any minute now!!!

… and those Lotto numbers … must. concentrate. HARDER! …¬†

December 9, 2008 at 11:43 am 4 comments

Ok, now everybody REALLY panic


Just as we predicted – the end is nigh!!

Fresh on the heels of their New York office snack-crackdown, Google mucketymucks have taken the first final step into the employment abyss by announcing this week that¬†they will ‘significantly’ reduce the number of contract workers¬†they hire, which we all know¬†is industry speak for ‘Watch your fannies full-timers — YOUR NEXT!

“We have been thinking for some time, before the acute phase of the economic crisis, about significantly reducing the number of contract workers,” a Google mouthpiece confirmed.

Uhhhh HUH …

Google’s headcount at the end of the third quarter was 20,123 company employees and a contractor army some 10,000 strong. Contractors going bye-bye¬†include¬†coders, cafeteria workers and campus bus drivers as well as the most crucial cog in the¬†wheel of commerce –¬†¬†members of the cleaning crew.
::: fun is fun ’till the toilet paper runs out! :::

Uhhhh HUH …

Didn’t someone¬†who’s name¬†we won’t mention but who’s initials are THE COOKIE say:

“The day you see the big swingin‚Äô dick around town pinchin‚Äô pennies is the day you can pretty much start packing it in.
That’s it.
Lights out.
Don‚Äôt let the¬†‚Äėjobs are next to go‚Äô¬†sign hit you in the ass on your way out.”

Uhhhh HUH …

November 26, 2008 at 1:53 pm 1 comment

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