Posts tagged ‘golf’


Hey, uhh, you know I’m all ‘my bad’ and suchlike that LIAC was a big ol’ bucket o’ NUTHIN’ yesterday but I have been super busy attempting to concoct my very own ‘I fucked Tiger’ story to have had even just the tiniest smidge of available time to help you get your hee hee on.


But, frealz, there is no way this trainwreck is leaving the station without yours truly choo-chooing her way on board! is reporting that women everywhere are crawling out of the woodwork with claims of clandestine canoodling, salacious seductions and sneaky sexty-times with the master of match play and, well, who are we kidding?! If there is gonna be a poontang powwow, the Cookie’s gonna wanna be a part of it!

And I sooo could!
I mean, have you seen the bitches he’s supposed to have been banging?
They are flat-out BARKERS, yo!
Bow. Wow.

Oh sure, dude doesn’t know me from dick, but from the looks of these skanks it’s fair to say anyone could play a round with the Stanford seducer!
Even the fuggest of femmes could be the ninth hole.

Does it matter that I’ve never met him?

Does it matter that I’ve never even so much as breathed the same air as him?
Uh uh.

Does it matter that this nasty mess is first and only thing I’ve ever found even remotely interesting about him?

This is a juicy, gossipy free-for-all and I won’t be denied!

And now that I’ve devised my evil plan, I just have to haul my hot cross buns up to Jupiter Island, finagle my fanny into Windemere, charm the security chief, break into his bunker, take some sexy snaps and fame and whoretune are mine!!!!

Well, either that or I could just have a cocktail … all this plotting and planning, deceit and trickery¬†is exhausting!
How does Tiger do it?! ūüėČ


December 3, 2009 at 1:32 pm 3 comments


People are shocked РSHOCKED I TELL YOU Рover a picture of my boyfriend *gasp* relaxing with *Double Gasp! * a cool one at a basketball game.
::: OUTRAGE!!! :::

The photo of O’Beautiful chillin’ at a recent Wizards-Bulls game has touched off a firestorm of ‘Oh no he di’int!’ all over the gat-damn place!

My boyfriend getting his sud onOne caller to WWL (AM 870 – News/Talk/Sports) fussed, “People are losing 5, 10, 20 thousand dollars a day in the stock market, and he’s sitting there drinking a beer!”
::: We can confirm: They are. He was. He did. :::

Another fired-up female said, “The president is the president 24 hours a day. I don’t think he should drink on the job.”

The [mostly female] callers charged that O’Baby has no right – NO RIGHT PEOPLE – to have any semblance of fun during this New Great Depression.
::: … she are not amused … :::

Take a cleansing breath, babes.
I can see how this sort of thing would be shocking, what with not having an admitted alcoholic in the White House anymore.

But, you know, to be fair and all –¬†I’m guessing they had the same kind of pissy hissy when W and some celebs got their game on¬†at last July’s¬†White House All-Star tee ball game?

The same day, incidentally, that¬†Fed Chief Ben Bernanke assured the United States House of Representatives Financial Services Committee that giant mortgage companies Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac are in “no danger of failing.”

Oh yeah, I bet they were all OVER those tee ball shenanigans!

Ooo Ooo — and what about last August, when he got his glance on while checkin’ the beach volleyball babes at the Beijing Olympics?

If memory serves, he got in a little Misty May-Treanor butt tap (by invitation, of course) on that trip.
::: sweet move — I’d hit it :::

OOoooooHooooHOOOOO! You KNOW they had a collective colossal conniption over that action!

And what about all that treacherously foolhardy¬†GOLF playing he engaged in – AT AMERICA’S EXPENSE?!?!?!?

I am sure that just the mere sight of Sir Goofedalot goofing off caused them all erratic heartbeats, palpatations, hiccups and flatulence so scary that it required immediate hospitalization and a full battery of, like, super-scientific tests!!!

Oh but wait — didn’t he give that shit up ‘for the troops’ and all?
Yeeeahhh – not so much.

Aaaaanystupidfuckinggarbagethatdoesn’tmeanshit, where were we?

Oh yeah.
Obama went to a b-ball game and had a brew.
Get the fuck over it.



March 4, 2009 at 2:19 pm 8 comments

Thursday Theatrics – Giuliani Style!

Rudy “9-11” Giuliani’s 22-year-old douchebag son has filed a 198-page lawsuit against Duke University for cutting him from the school’s golf team.
::: I OBJECT! :::

Andrew Giuliani¬†says Duke is in ‘breach of contract’¬†by cutting him¬†because he was ‘recruited’ by the previous golf staff.

WOW! Recruited! He must be GOOD then, right???
Umm, like no ‘n stuff?

Yummy stats, anyone?

  • Last season The Blue Devil’s golf team had¬†14 players.
  • Rudy’s Runt was¬†one of nine players who competed in only one or two tournaments.
  • The team’s top five golfers, on the other hand,¬†competed in at least nine tournaments.
  • Pussyboy’s¬†best finish was a tie for 36th at the Fighting Illini Invitational.
  • Asscrack’s¬†season competition average was 74.5,¬†which made him the¬†12th best player on¬†the 14-player team.
    ::: Duke’s the one who should be suing!¬†Just who the hell was the¬†asshat who ‘recruited’ this loser?!? :::
  • So the coach decides to whittle the team to about half its size and used the time-tested practice of keeping the best players — but ‘Drool wasn’t havin’ any of that action and got¬†all ‘don’t you know who I am?!?’

    They did.
    You’re a loser.
    They cut you.
    That’s life.

    There is no ‘Andrew’ in TEAM.

    Andouche said he’s suing because privileged uppercrusters like him always gets what¬†they want and no way some golf-pro wannabe teacher¬†is gonna stand in his way “to make sure this doesn’t happen to anyone else at Duke.”
    Bitch¬†forgot to mention he’s also suing for as much money as he can shake from the Duke dollar tree¬†‘unspecified compensatory damages’ and use of the school’s¬†state-of-the-art golf center (while he is in school and after he graduates).
    Drama Queen also wants a jury trial.

    So does mommy.

    “This has been heartbreaking,” Donna Hanover, said in a statement. “We tried for many months to convince members of the Duke administration that because we are rich and white ‘the rules’ don’t apply to us this situation should be corrected and we are pissed off and looking for retribution sad that we have now had to turn to the court.”

    If¬†this¬†ginormous waste of time and taxpayer dollars does go to trial,¬†I hope it’s on teevee and Judge Judy gets the call so she can¬†brand his pampered puss with her own special brand of ‘I don’t think so!’
    I would TIVO the hell outta that shit and throw¬†a big ol’¬†Bew Hew Ball¬†so people could gather to eat popcorn and¬†point and laugh hysterically at little Andy … just like those lucky bastards at Duke get to do every day!

    Good times!

    July 24, 2008 at 7:54 pm 6 comments

    Debbie Does Divorce?

    Roger Clemens\' women (so far)
    The Roger Clemens hillbilly drama just gets better and better …

    Today we find out that Debbie Clemens’ other half was injecting the ol’ pocket Rocket into¬†Paulette Daly (the ex-wife of golf’s original badboy, John) and¬† Mindy McCready during the Clemens’ near-24-year union.

    And, in true hillbilly fashion — Roger and Mindy began knockin’ boots when she was a mere¬†15-Mylie Cyruses-old.
    *For those of you keeping track at home — Clemens would have been 28 at the time. Now, I’m no expert or anything but I think that’s called statutory rape.

    ::: I can’t put my finger on it … but¬†there is something eerily similar about these gals … hmmm :::

    Methinks¬†the Rocketman ought to give heavy thought to dropping that defamation of character suit against scuzzball¬†Brian McNamee.¬† Sure, McNamee’s a douche but¬†Clemens need only look in a mirror to find the person responsible for his predicament.

    And I think it’s gonna be a long long time
    Till touch down brings me round again to find
    I’m not the man they think I am at home
    Oh no no no I’m a rocket man

    Let’s dust off that February prediction, shall we?

    May 1, 2008 at 1:38 pm 3 comments

    This is the shit you bitches are reading

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