Posts tagged ‘global warming’

Nature’s a muthah

Not that you didn’t know that obvious obviousity alfuckingready, but apparently some folks didn’t … and had to get their study on to get a gat damn clue.

So here’s the nugget:
If you start bringin’ the crazy all of a sudden – don’t panic.
It’s ok.

Because it’s, like, 100% Mother Nature’s fault.
::: subsitute teachers, guidance counselors, babysitters and parents everywhere breathe a sigh of relief :::

A report being released today titled ‘A Climate of Suffering: The Real Cost of Living with Inaction on Climate Change’ says the past 15 years of planet cracking has been a ”preview of life under unrestrained global warming”.

FUUUUUCK – this shit’s gonna get worse?
::: rhetorical question, of course it is – you thought 2010 was an anomaly?! :::

The report is the culmination of someone’s idea of serious researchological determinerifficality, prepared real special-like for the Climate Institute, and it puts the loss of social cohesion in the wake of severe weather events related to climate change squarely in the center of the blame circle of things that could possibly, likely be linked to increased rates of anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress and substance abuse.

”What we have seriously underestimated is the effects on social cohesion,” said Professor Ian Hickie, the executive director of the Brain and Mind Research Institute. “That is very hard to rebuild and they are critical to the mental health of an individual.”


Dude, being stranded in your own flooded house with no running water (YUCK!) during a three-day power outage (BLECH!) with only a few gallons of wine to drink (PTOO .. oh wait, that was just good planning) wondering how the hell you’re even going to get out of your own neighborhood (SCARY!) if you run out (SCARIER!!!) clued The Cookie in to that whole anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress and substance abuse ACK!!! after Hurricane Jeanne upended my shit in 2004!

Save yourself the next few thousand and spend some time in SoFla during a truly heinous hurricane and you can studerifically conclusionize for FREE all day long!


August 30, 2011 at 1:48 pm

Not for nothing but …

Those dumbass motherfuckers who continue to insist – against all reason and factual scientific evidence to the contrary – that climate change is all a hoax need to wake the fuck UP!

Or maybe they just need to read … and learn … instead of listening to some FOX network sprayhead spout uneducated opinions passed off as truth and nodding their agreement because it’s easier than reading … or learning.

Oh but try, wontcha?

Because what happened in Chile is not an isolated incident.
And what happened in Haiti is not an isolated incident.

They’re not.
Stop. Look back. Think. Start connecting the dots.

A lot of the political blah blah over climate change turns into tee hees about ‘global warming’ – an admittedly idiotic term because it’s misleading (especially for people who don’t read) and fails to address the issue in total.
People snicker and roll their eyes when discussion of the catastrophic effects of a two degree escalation in temperature by 2100.
Global warming my left nut, they say, it’s SNOWING in Orlando!
Global warming?!
, they laugh.
Two degrees? HAHAHAHA!!! Big whoop, they say.

Except that it is.

Here’s what two degrees means:
– acidification of the world’s oceans, endangering much of the marine food chain (like when Pacific salmon populations fell sharply in 1997 and 1998, when local ocean temperatures rose 6 degrees F.)

– summer heatwaves of increasing frequency, duration and intensity. It is likely that every second summer on average will endure severe heatwaves (like the 2003 heatwave in Europe that resulted in some 30,000 deaths)

– more frequent and longer incidences of heat and drought, adversely affecting crop and food production in many parts of the world (like the summer of 1998 when crops withered and Dallas temperatures topped 100 degrees F for 29 days straight or the heat wave in India that same year that killed more than 2,500)

– the combination of severe heatwaves and drought is likely to result in more frequent occurrences of wildfires (like the 2003 and 2009 Mediterranean wildfires or the fires that have ravaged California the past two years)

– the disappearance of much of the glaciers in South America and Asia, meaning that hundreds of millions of people (possibly billions) will lose their sources of fresh water – threatened or wiped out (like how Mount Kilimanjaro has lost 75% of its ice cap since 1912. Oh, and Venezuelan mountaintops had six glaciers in 1972 – today only two remain.)

– Greenland will tip into irreversible melt, accelerating sea level rise which is by this stage already threatening low lying countries such as Bangladesh. (like how the rise in sea levels is already felt here – Florida farmland up to 1,000 ft. inland from Biscayne Bay is being infiltrated by salt water, rendering the land too toxic for crops)

– mass extinction of perhaps as much as a third of animal and plant species worldwide (uhh, like, uhh the greatest mass extinction since the dinosaurs disappeared some 65 million years ago ūüė¶ ).

Oh, but hey – that’s a maybe increase by a maybe two degrees maybe by the next 90 years, which is, like, forever away in time so no big deal, right?

Except that it is.

Because climate change involves more than taking the earth’s temperature and it’s not going to wait to start 90 years from now.


“Climate change doesn‚Äôt just affect the atmosphere and the oceans but the earth‚Äôs crust as well. The whole earth is an interactive system‚Ķ.In the political community people are almost completely unaware of any geological aspects to climate change.”
— Geophysicist Bill McGuire of University College London

“Mother Earth is short-tempered and volatile. So sensitive in fact, that even slight changes in weather and climate can rip the planet’s crust apart, unleashing the furious might of volcanic eruptions, earthquakes and landslides.”
— from the 2009 conference on Climate Forcing of Geological and Geomorphological Hazards

“Scientists say melting glaciers could induce tectonic activity. As ice melts and waters runs off, tremendous amounts of weight are lifted off of Earth’s crust. As the newly freed crust settles back to its original, pre-glacier shape, it can cause seismic plates to slip and stimulate volcanic activity according to research into prehistoric earthquakes and volcanic activity.”
— findings from several studies published in The Wall Street Journal in 2006

Haiti, Argentina, Venezuela, Eureka, California, north of Chicago, Japan, Chile
— Where earthquakes have struck just in the first two months of 2010

If you don’t live in earthquake, tsunami, hurricane or tornado country – smile … but just briefly ‘cuz¬†you can’t outrun Mother Nature. Just ask Elmaz Qyra.


March 2, 2010 at 11:20 am 11 comments

And the Wholly Hypocritical Award goes to …

This morning, an eco-conscious acquaintance was bemoaning the fate of the planet in face of the conspicuous consumerism that naturally takes place this time of year and blah blahing on and on about:
— the excessive amounts of garbage generated from piles and piles of discarded product packaging …
— the overuse of electricity from people adorning their abodes with every available form of twinkly holiday ornamentation …
— the gargantuan supply of gasoline wasted by people schlepping from store to store in search of the perfect gift a last-minute stocking stuffer …

I tried to interject on mankind’s behalf ¬†but she cut me off saying she just remembered she had to run to Target to pick up more wrapping paper …

December 20, 2009 at 3:42 pm 1 comment

Viva la Vino!!

Terribleness to infinity!!!

This is serious! And I don’t care what side of the Global Warming wall you’ve been leaning against — it’s time to get active!

Because it’s not just about melting polar ice caps, rising sea levels or increased incidents of tornadoes, hurricanes or forest fires anymore.

NO! It’s much, Much, MUCH worse!

Climate change is putting one of the most treasured treats known to man squarely in harm’s way!

That’s right — French wine is in DANGER!!!!!!!!

The terroir — the specific setting in which the grapes are grown and which gives a wine its unique flavour — is in jeopardy!


‚ÄúFrance has the biggest diversity of terroirs in the world and this unique cultural heritage is threatened today,‚ÄĚ said Pascal Husting, the head of Greenpeace in France.


We all know that climate change means our shit is getting hotter and, while hot summers can help enhance a vintage, experts say the higher temperatures have also ruined the character associated with some wine regions.


Studies have confirmed that warmer weather has altered the wine-making calendar, with grapes ripening earlier than ever before.


‚ÄúFrance will always have wine.”

ALWA … oh …WHEW!

“But if the temperatures go up too much, one day there will no longer be any pinot noir in Burgundy,‚ÄĚ Husting forecast.

No Pinot?!?
Quelle Horreur!


December 7, 2009 at 11:01 am 3 comments

Happy Earth Day, Bitches!

Soak it up, sweatpea — ‘cuz tomorrow it’s back to your regularly programmed abuse!

April 22, 2009 at 10:52 am 1 comment

Rank … and File 13

Dear Earth,

I know it’s been a while since my last letter and I hate to be the bearer of even more bad news for you because I know you’ve been under your weather for a really long time, buuuut –¬†remember how I told you the folks at the Pew Research Center were doing a survey to figure out what people think President O’Beautiful’s priorities should be?

Well, they’re done and … gosh, I, I just¬†don’t know how to say this other than just to come right out with it …

About those priorities?
You’re not one.

I mean, your movie was off the chain and all – and you know how hot Al Goregous makes me¬†(kind of like the way¬†burning fossil fuels and deforestation make you feel) – but the bottom line is that we’re all just beginning the long journey out of the darkness of this New Great Depression and, well, you don’t put food on the tab …¬†oh wait –¬†ok, you sort of ¬†do … ummm, uhh, what I meant to say is that you don’t pay the bills.
Yeah, that’s what I’m trying to say.

You don’t pay the bills, and so we have to make fixing the economy Priority Numero Uno right now.

Now, I know we made a big deal about you there for a while and, gosh, I sure hope you don’t take¬†this too hard … it’s just that there’s just so much to fix!!

What with the economic situation, the health care situation, the education situation, the social security situation, the crime situa … well, just all the other situations we’ve been so so busy not fixing for the last eight years.

But you are important to me!!
You are!

Increased heating bills, higher cooling bills, rising insurance bills, ever-expanding grocery bills … I know you’re a part of making¬†all of those bills higher … if only you could help pay for them …
… but you can’t and¬†so¬†folks were all ‘Global Warming Schmobal Schmorming, Earth Schmerth! – I need to get straight up PAID, bitch!’ when it was time to prioritize.

Soooo … you know, like, I’m sorry and all and I really do hope you feel better soon.
Maybe next year … right?!?

Yeah … ok … well, umm, see you at the rally in April



January 23, 2009 at 3:54 pm 10 comments

This is the shit you bitches are reading

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