Posts tagged ‘George Bush’

Dobbs in 2012?


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHELLNO!

The blubbery, rubbery rosacea-faced Republican got his fo’ shizzle on when asked by Fred ‘Red October’ Thompson whether he’d consider running for President in 2012.

“Yes is the answer,” he blah blah’d over the airwaves.

Lou “There’s aliens ever-whurr!” Dobbs wants the White House.
Not so fast, peepaw!
I mean, this shit ain’t presidential!
::: … or, hmmmm, IS it … :::

“I’m gonna be talking some more with some folks who want me to listen to ’em in the next few weeks. I mean I don’t even know what to tell you in terms of where I’m leaning. Because right now I’m fortunate to have a number of just wonderful options.”

Something vaguely famililar here … wakspeak … can’t commit to an original thought without prior advisor approval … no plan … don’t know … well, maybe … ‘options’ … blessed fortunate this’n’that …

… where have I heard this kind of confusing communicatory caca before??
Oh yeah …..

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

Get excited!!!
Ring the bells and release the doves — this is GREAT shit!!

The Republican party is just a big ol’ natty bunch of nimrods who have gone absolutely and 100% gonzo retard!
Can you smell the AWESOME?!?
I mean, this basically guarantees we’ll get ringside seats to THE greatest show on Earth – a field fucking full of mouthfarts like Beck or Limbaugh or Hannity or Coulter (don’t count that skank out) thinking their blowhardiness can blow hard enough to diminish my boyfriend‘s glittery shimmery aura of audacified hopification.

DREAM ON, BITCHES!!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

But, you know, this could be one seriously big buncha F-U-N!
Let ’em all run!
Well, everyone but Limbaugh.
Those hamhocks rubbing together at a runner’s pace would generate enough heat to melt that fucking lardass right … where … he … stan … uhh, on second thought RUN RUSH RUUUUUUN!!!!!

November 25, 2009 at 11:04 am 4 comments

Brewhaha


People are shocked – SHOCKED I TELL YOU – over a picture of my boyfriend *gasp* relaxing with *Double Gasp! * a cool one at a basketball game.
::: OUTRAGE!!! :::

The photo of O’Beautiful chillin’ at a recent Wizards-Bulls game has touched off a firestorm of ‘Oh no he di’int!’ all over the gat-damn place!

My boyfriend getting his sud onOne caller to WWL (AM 870 – News/Talk/Sports) fussed, “People are losing 5, 10, 20 thousand dollars a day in the stock market, and he’s sitting there drinking a beer!”
::: We can confirm: They are. He was. He did. :::

Another fired-up female said, “The president is the president 24 hours a day. I don’t think he should drink on the job.”

The [mostly female] callers charged that O’Baby has no right – NO RIGHT PEOPLE – to have any semblance of fun during this New Great Depression.
::: … she are not amused … :::

Take a cleansing breath, babes.
I can see how this sort of thing would be shocking, what with not having an admitted alcoholic in the White House anymore.

But, you know, to be fair and all – I’m guessing they had the same kind of pissy hissy when W and some celebs got their game on at last July’s White House All-Star tee ball game?

The same day, incidentally, that Fed Chief Ben Bernanke assured the United States House of Representatives Financial Services Committee that giant mortgage companies Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac are in “no danger of failing.”

Oh yeah, I bet they were all OVER those tee ball shenanigans!

Ooo Ooo — and what about last August, when he got his glance on while checkin’ the beach volleyball babes at the Beijing Olympics?

If memory serves, he got in a little Misty May-Treanor butt tap (by invitation, of course) on that trip.
::: sweet move — I’d hit it :::

OOoooooHooooHOOOOO! You KNOW they had a collective colossal conniption over that action!

And what about all that treacherously foolhardy GOLF playing he engaged in – AT AMERICA’S EXPENSE?!?!?!?

I am sure that just the mere sight of Sir Goofedalot goofing off caused them all erratic heartbeats, palpatations, hiccups and flatulence so scary that it required immediate hospitalization and a full battery of, like, super-scientific tests!!!

Oh but wait — didn’t he give that shit up ‘for the troops’ and all?
Yeeeahhh – not so much.

Aaaaanystupidfuckinggarbagethatdoesn’tmeanshit, where were we?

Oh yeah.
Obama went to a b-ball game and had a brew.
Get the fuck over it.

SOURCE

 

March 4, 2009 at 2:19 pm 8 comments

… don’t get fooled again?


flyingpigWith all the airborne people movers suckin’ up space in the Hudson, lame mea culpas from outgoing presidunces and the upcoming coronation of the Glorious Sunshine King of Hope – you may not have noticed that some shit actually kinda got done on the Hill yesterday.

Votes cast, approvals made, limits approved, Republicans whined … OMG! I get misty just thinking about it!!! 

happymoneyI mean, ok, so yeah – Uncle Sam is about to cross the t’s and dot the i’s on another taxpayer-funded Bank of America welfare check.

A $20 billion welfare check Senators said ‘sure sure, ok’ to when they voted to release the last $350 billion in financial-rescue funds from the way popular Troubled Asset Relief Program rammed up America’s ass enacted last year.

Oh, but don’t worry there citizen!
I know the banks are all ‘gimme gimme gimme but I ain’t giving YOU shit!’ and ‘Fuck you Mr. Taxpayer‘ and everything — but it’s cool.
It’s good.
It’s aaalllll gonna be ok!

Why?
Because the karmic winds of change are blowing, silly! And soon we will all bathe in shimmery golden droplets of everlasting heavenly promise.

It’s true!
It’s all part of my boyfriend‘s massive stimulus package  … and there’s even a little something for Joe Sixpack over there, standing in the breadline on Mainstreet!
::: Umm, but don’t get carried away, Joe — this ain’t the Taxpayer Lotto. Bank of America won that in the first go round … :::

cryinggopInstead of doing the historically Republican thing and stamping their feet and executing a kindergarten-esque crying jag on the steps of Congress, Transition Teamers took a different path and borrowed a page from the ‘Working Together’ playbook the big kids use.
::: UNPRECEDENTED!!! :::

O’Baby’s top money dude, Lawrence Summers, totally pinky swore they’re gonna use $50 billion to $100 billion for “a sweeping effort to address the foreclosure crisis.”
::: … that’s your cut, Joe… :::

And we have Summers’ word of honor that they’re taking the  freebie, no strings, all-you-can-get dish off the menu at the bailout buffet.
::: NEATO! :::

THIS TIME there are gonna be some black-leather-biker-bar-tough oversights and tracking and accountability and all kiiinds of conscientious-sounding words to show the mega-seriosity surrounding how the money is used!
::: *sniff* I’m not sure but that smells like change I can believe in! SPIFFERIFIC!!! :::

But wait! There’s more!
The powers that are about to be are totally gonna get all restrictiony about executive pay at firms that receive help … this time.
::: Frealz? I’m fragile … don’t toy with me! :::

“I know this wasn’t an easy vote because of the frustration so many of us share about how the first half of this plan was implemented,” O’Beautiful said as he beamed approval from a cloudless sky.
“Now my pledge is to change the way this plan is implemented and keep faith with the American taxpayer.”
::: I’m gonna hold you to it, hot stuff!! :::

“There’s an old saying in Tennessee — I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can’t get fooled again.” – Dumbya

January 16, 2009 at 6:52 pm 3 comments

It’s that time again!


Not to be outdone by his Hey Mr. Postman March Pardon-Palooza, outgoing sad-excuse-for-a-world-leader George W. Bush forgave more sinners yesterday when he handed out his last batch of ‘Get Out of Jail Free’ cards.

Among those thrown a legal lifesaver are:
forgive1.) Richard Culpepper of Mahomet, Illinois who was convicted of making false statements to the government.
::: No, I am not plotting to overthrow the government and that is not a 20-foot container of C-4 buried under a bunch of hay in my barn … :::

2.) Carey C. Hice Sr. of Travelers Rest, South Cackalackee, who was convicted of income tax evasion.
:::  WHAT?!? Tax evasion is sooo last year! :::

4.) Paul Julian McCurdy of Sulphur, Oklahoma, who was sentenced for misapplication of bank funds.
::: Kind of like Citigroup … :::

and, my personal favorite:
5.)  Leslie Owen Collier of Charleston, Missouri, who was convicted of violating the Bald and Golden Eagle Protection Act.

Apparently Collier’s preferred method of getting rid of annoying animals was to leave them a burger buffet spiked with poison and among the many animals murdered by his method just happened to be the most revered symbol of our nation’s freedom … well, actually three of the most revered symbols of our nation’s freedom.
::: ruh roh … :::

Oh but hey, if you can’t forgive someone for carelessly offing our national emblem for their own convenience, who can you forgive?

“Tis the season!

November 25, 2008 at 2:47 pm 2 comments

A little lame duck with your Italian?


At the official, black-tie Columbus Day dinner at the White House, Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi got so carried away blowing hugs and kisses to our plodding prez that he destroyed the very podium from which he spoke.

Everyone just laughed and laughed because it’s funny when visiting dignitaries get drunk and make fools of themselves! What would have made it even better would have been if he’d set something on fire or groped Nancy Pelosi or somesuch, but hey – we can’t have everything, right?
::: Oh rich people — you DO amuse me! :::

“I’m 100 percent confident that we’ll be friends forever,” Berlusconi gushed to the Grand Poobah of the New Great Depression.
::: they are totally bff’s 4EVAR!!! :::

Then the buddies and their out of touch, filthy rich, fatcat politicians honored guests got down to business!

They feasted on Delicata Squash Soup with Citron, Maine Lobster Fondue, Artichoke and Reggiano Cheese Ravioli, Rosemary-crusted Elysian Farm Lamb, Crispy Eggplant and Swiss Chard, Chocolate Napoleon and washed it all down with $110-a-bottle Robert Mondavi Cabernet “Reserve” 2005, Iron Horse “Russian River Cuvée” 2003 and Ponzi Chardonnay “Reserve” 2005.

Over dessert, the hoity toities talked about those annoying collasping world markets that are putting pressure on their portfolios and passingly pondered the plight of the little people … all of which made it a ‘working dinner’ they’ll write off on their taxes next year.

Oh the sacrificed life of the public servant …

October 14, 2008 at 4:06 pm

Funny Flashback


*Thank you, dear friend in Wellington, for sending that in. it’s as true now as it was then.

GOOD TIMES!

September 3, 2008 at 8:19 pm

Mindin’ his biznass


Time for white folks, pundits and geezers to freak the fuck out!

A black person has issued forth verbiage that could potentially, just maybe – in the right lighting if the earth is spinning at the appropriate speed and you are peering at the words through the looking glass at a perfect 90 degree angle – be interpreted as ‘offensive‘ and ‘hurtful’ to my boyfriend’s quest for world domination the U.S. Presidency.

But isn’t that just Ludacris is being, uhh, well – ludicrous?!?

Lyrics to his new song ‘Politics: Obama is here’ have been released and the general consensus is that Luda done lost his mind, y’all!

“This song is not only outrageously offensive to Senator Clinton, Reverend Jackson, Senator McCain, and President Bush, it is offensive to all of us who are trying to raise our children with the values we hold dear,” the campaign said.
“While Ludacris is a talented individual he should be ashamed of these lyrics.”
::: Poor Luda — c’mere — I gots yer hug right here sweetums :::

Wait – did I write that right? The campaign said?
Oh yeah, that’s right. Well they’d have to because you KNOW Yummy Tummy was jammin’ to that bad boy on his iPod at the gym!

Hillary hated on you, so that bitch is irrelevant
Jesse talking slick and apologizing for what?
if you said it then you meant it how you want it have a gut!
and all you other politicians trying to hate on my man,
watch us win a majority vote in every state on my man
you can’t stop what’s bout to happen, we bout to make history
the first black president is destined and it’s meant to be
the threats ain’t fazing us, the nooses or the jokes
so get off your ass, black people, it’s time to get out and vote!
paint the White House black and I’m sure that’s got ‘em terrified
McCain don’t belong in ANY chair unless he’s paralyzed
Yeah I said it cause Bush is mentally handicapped

I mean, ok – I may not agree with all of the above but I gotta say I’m not finding too much issue with his Bush comment.
::: juvenile tee hees all around! :::

But ok — so we have to have a controversy about it and ‘the campaign’ had to issue a damning statement.
::: yawn :::

I think O’Baby and Luda-FOIN-ASS-cris should settle this the old fashioned way:
Nude K-Y Wrestling Match!

Don’t worry, I’ll totally referee!!

July 30, 2008 at 8:03 pm 3 comments

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