Posts tagged ‘fuckery’

Well SOMEONE didn’t get the memo!!


I mean, really, this is basic ‘Ho Code 101’ shit, people.

The bottom-line, the guiding principle, THE golden fucking RULE when you’re bumpin’ fuglies with prominent, married public figures (or, ok, well, anyone who’s initials are NOT YOUR SPOUSE) is to take a chill on workin’ your grill.

It’s that simple.

No need for discussion!

It is immorality’s universally accepted imperative, for chrissakes!!

Yet, every few fornications there comes along some slut who just can’t keep it shut.

From Dynasty cast member wannabe Gennifer Flowers to dimestore hooker doppelganger Jaimee Grubbs to the demented and diapered Lisa Nowak — there’s always some skank who slips up and spoils the secret sexy times by spilling something she shouldn’t have.

Thanks a lot, Paula Broadwell!

Because of you tryin’ to go and blackmail a bitch over email and everything, poor David Petraeus now must foray back into the field of contraband coochie to find some stupid new streetwalker to screw.

Nice.

But the real tragedy here is far worse than whatever future befalls dear David … or you … .

The real tragedy here is bigger, Paula … because it affects me.

Yes, Paula … the catastrophic consequences of your exasperatingly irritating email tirades mean that I now must go buy an ax, find a frickin’ forest, cut down a tree, chop that shit up, build a frickin’ fire, heat up a poker and GOUGE MY FUCKING EYES OUT
in an attempt to rid myself of the mental image of David’s sad old doggy dick doin’ The Cabbage Patch in yet another whore’s hoo-ha!

I live in fucking FLORIDA, Paula!
Do you have any idea how far I have to drive before I wind up in the woods?!?

Fucking FAR, Paula!!

Fucking.
FAR.

ACK!!!

It didn’t have to end like this, Paula.

Or maybe it did.

Because there’s always one hot ho mess out there like you, isn’t there Paula?

Oh yeah there is.

Take it to the bank, gents! 😉

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November 12, 2012 at 11:05 pm 4 comments

Dumb Bitch of the Day


Old and Busted: Texting while driving
New Hotness: Shaving while driving

In addition to wearing the DBOTD crown today,
Megan Mariah Barnes ————————->
just may have to be presented with the keys to the Kingdom of Dumb Bitchery for committing what may be the most outward act of unbelievable idiocy I’ve seen in a loooong time since last week.

Bitch caused a crash while she was clippin’ the cooch driving along Cudjoe Key, ‘kay!

Ohh HO yeah … and in case you wondered, that there friends is an automatic nomination to the Dumb Bitch Hall of Fame!!

Popo types say the 37-year-old was on her way to see her boyfriend in Key West and wanted to be properly groomed for the visit so, along the way, she decided to cut her short ‘n curlies … but apparently forgot all about the skunk-trail she’s sportin’ up top!?!

Full. Force. FAIL!!!

Oh, but that’s just the start of her fuckery … it gets better!
Seated next to the Megster was her ex-husband, who took the wheel while she focused on her follicles.
::: wonder how the bf feels about that … :::

… and better!!
Mindless Megan was convicted of DUI and driving without a license the day before the coochie crash!

Ohhhhh my side hurts … sometimes this shit just writes itself …
SOURCE

March 10, 2010 at 11:02 am 10 comments

Sticky Situation


sickfuck<—— James Davis is a problem.

See, James’ preferred method of exorcising the demons that so clearly haunt his twisted mind is to channel his inner asshole in Olympic-style fashion.

Philly’s finest arrested the sadistic shithead for wrapping a cat head to tail in duct-tape then tossing her in the yard.

No allegedly there, folks.
Ultradouche admitted the abominable act and further fessed up that he left the cat in his yard for a couple of hours, but then — because the half-mummified creature had the poorstickysass to keep screaming — he tossed the Tabby into a neighbor’s yard, where at least 12 hours passed before she was noticed.

FUCKERY!

The cat, aptly nicknamed Sticky by SPCA workers, was moderately dehydrated when she was found, but is making a great recovery after being sedated so the tape could be pulled off.

If convicted, Davis faces up to two years in prison and a fine of at least $1,000.

Let’s hope he gets all that, a big ol’ bag of happy pills AND the thorough psych evaluation he so clearly and desperately needs!

SOURCE

September 29, 2009 at 10:32 am 6 comments

Papa was a trolling drone …


ATTENTION WOMEN EVERYWHERE:

DO NOT FUCK WITH THOMAS FRAZIER

Seriously — don’t  do it!

Unless you had all your womanly business yanked out at least a decade ago and you’ve had your hoo-ha sewn twelve kinds of shut and your legs have been permanently fused together at the knee and ankle bones – do not fuck with, near, around, close to, in the general vicinity of or within a 50-mile radius of Thomas Frazier.

Because this meatsack can knock a bitch up with a single, furtive glance her way … or by breathing the same air … or passing her on the freeway …

And then – just like your self-respect, your freedom and your future plans – he’s OUTTA THERE!!!

Frazier is Flynt, Michigan’s answer to the question “If there was a world champion of deadbeat dads, what would he look like?”

He’d look like this fucker!!
A serial sperm donor who bounces from state to state, has fourteen children by 13 different women in Genesee County alone and owes more than $530,000 in unpaid child support.

Oh, but his years of playing the artful child support dodger came to an end late last month when karma finally said ‘Enough fuckery, douchebag!”

He was pulled over in Iowa for a broken taillight on his Mercedes Benz and wouldja take a fuckin’ look at this — in his pocket police found $5,000 in cash and plane tickets to Florida!

Shockingly, police didn’t buy his lie that the money was for child support and not the Mons Venus champagne room.
In fact, they called bullshit on all the cockamamie crap he was shoveling, threw his impregnating ass in jail and gave him the choice of doing 90 days or coming up with about $28,000 — immediately.

Which means, of course, that he’ll continue earning his ‘burden to society’ merit badge by spending a little vakay at the county’s expense.

Hopefully dickhead will get a take-charge kind of cellmate who will spend hours each day demonstrating the painful ins and outs of ill-advised copulation and ram home nightly the consequences of such irresponsibility.

… hopefully …

SOURCE

April 13, 2009 at 4:36 pm 2 comments



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