Posts tagged ‘fraud’

Jailhouse crock


Well booby hooby hoo!

Accused billionaire Texas swindler
<—— Robert Allen Stanford doesn’t like being behind bars so much and he’s pitching a pissy hissy in hopes it’ll get his ass moved to nicer digs.

Stanford is being held without bond at the Joe Corley Detention Facility while he waits to be tried on charges he bilked investors out of about $7 BILLION over the last decade.

His lawyer, Dick DeGuerin, filed a motion to have Stanford moved, calling conditions at the jail “oppressive.”

The motion says Stanford’s being held in a windowless cell with eight to 10 other men and that the power’s been on the blink at the clink resulting in no A/C for at least a week.

Now, ok – I’ll grant you that being confined like that during the hottest part of the year means you’re basically sitting in an oven and I’m down with the fact that being forced to sit in an oven sucks major ass.
I’ll even go you one further and admit that I totally dig that little document we call the Constitution, which generally guarantees prisoner rights under the 8th Amendment.

But if they’re not prepared to move every other inmate being forced to bake his buns in the same boiler, then I gotta say this move would smack of preferential treatment and that’s too big a crock of shit to swallow sober.

Sorry Stanford!
But hey, instead of bitching and moaning about all this dark, sweaty time you’ve got on your hands — maybe try being a glass half full kind of guy!
Yeah, that’s the ticket!
Don’t think of the stinky man stew that is your cell as punishment. Think of it as possible preparation!

See! Always a bright side! 🙂

SOURCE

July 29, 2009 at 1:45 pm

BAD Penny!


What is this?
Oneupsmanship Week?

First we witness master moron Renee Vanalsburg stright up clobber reigning douchebagette Genine Compton in our sacredly senseless Dumb Bitch category and now we find that some callous cow named Penelope Jordan is giving Robert M. Rozenti — the de facto Awful Offspring poster child — a serious run for his money!

<— Rozenti, you may remember, is the gross muddascunt who was arrested in January and charged with neglecting his 90-year-old mother, who was found emaciated, left in urine-soaked clothes and wearing shoes that had grown into her feet!!!

Jordan, on the other hand, is the putrid progeny who was discovered this week to have kept her mother’s mummified remains in their home for so long that the woman’s skin fused to the fucking mattress!!!!!!
::: yes, deserving of six exclamation points :::

The unholy bitch told police she never reported mummy’s death because she “couldn’t afford burial expenses” … and that shit might have even been the teensiest bit believable if she hadn’t also been cashing the not-so-dearly departed’s Social Security checks for years and years and years.

A complaint about nuisance cats tipped off authorities that something wasn’t right at the Jordan ‘stead. An animal control officer removing possibly feral felines there called police after finding the front door open with no one home.

But Penelope the prevaricator was there when the cops arrived and gave them some cock-and-bull canard about her mother’s whereabouts before extending the outrageously inane invitation to ‘come inside’.

They did.

And after wading through wall-to-wall debris, investigators found poor old and definitely dead 96-year-old Timmie Jordan — still in her nightgown — her skin fused to the mattress.

Penelope is charged with fraud and grand theft and is being held in lieu of $20,000 bail Tuesday at the Indian River County Jail.

You know, if there is any justice in the world, ya gotta hope ol’ Penny finds herself sharing a cell with some truly savage soul who has a predilection for pervy whores and likes long shanks in the shower.

Ya gotta, right?
Well, I do …

March 25, 2009 at 4:36 pm 2 comments

They usually don’t fall far


appleandtree

Ex-Blagojevich adviser pleads guilty

January 16, 2009 at 9:07 pm 5 comments

Do NOT prey on the peen


Flaccid men everywhere – REJOICE!

The founder of Berkeley Premium Nutraceuticals, which makes the male enhancement drug Enzyte, was sentenced to 25 years in prison by a federal judge in Cincinnati.
::: Bob’s not smiling so much now … :::

The judge ruled that Steve Warshak,
soon to have this view —–>
convicted on charges including fraud and money laundering, must begin serving his 25-year sentence within 30 days.
::: fresh meat on the way, fellas – meet Steve Shawshank! :::

“This case is about greed,” the judge said.
::: NO SHIT! :::
“His family and the people who work for him are also victims of his greed.”
::: eh, I kinda gotta think they sorta kinda liked the money tho … :::

SHOCKING REVELATION:
A federal jury found that Warshak, his company and several other defendants were guilty of victimizing thousands of their customers by misrepresenting their products.
::: you mean wheat grass and dirt doesn’t make a teeny peeny perk right the fuck up!?!:::

In addition to the prison sentence, the judge ordered the defendants to pay more than $500 million to the victims of their scheme.

Hey judge – does that ‘victim’ category include their horny, dissatisfied partners as well?

August 29, 2008 at 10:31 am 1 comment

Falsely elected leader scolds falsely elected leader


George W. Bush is a massive toolBringing his special brand of dumbassness to the kiddie table at the G-8 summit, President George Worldraper Bush urged the international community to punish Robert Mugabe and the Zimbabwe government for suppressing political opponents and using violence, trickery and deception at the ballot box.

“I am extremely disappointed in the elections, which I labeled a sham election.”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE TEE HEE TEE HEE HOHOHOHO HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, I’m sorry. I couldn’t help myself.

What a hum-DINGER, right?!?
HOOooooo boy …

I guess someone  was absent the day they went over that whole Pot and Kettle thing.

July 7, 2008 at 6:03 pm 7 comments

Hot tranny mess …


But not the kind you’re thinking …

Editor and Publisher is echoing the ‘calling out’ Queerty gave New York Post cartoonist Sean Delonas over his apparent on-the-job lazy-assness … or, as I remember it being called in J-school – self-plagiarism.

Writes E&P: Two recent “Delonas cartoons were about Thomas Beatie, a transgender man who is reportedly pregnant. (Beatie was born a woman and took testosterone to look like a man; the female organs were left intact.)”

So just how similar were Delonas’ drawings?
Judge for yourself:

April 6, 2008:
April 10, 2008 Sean Delonas New York Post editorial cartoon

June 10, 2008:
June 10, 2008 Sean Delonas New York Post editorial cartoon

Yeeeaaahhhhh …

June 18, 2008 at 10:43 am 6 comments


This is the shit you bitches are reading


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