Posts tagged ‘fast food’


::: Sorry greeneyedgirl – it had to be done! :::

Next month, Burger King is opening a new Whopper Bar in South Beach that will sell beer and burgers.

Complicated Order!

Just kidding — that bitch would be in heaven!!

* Beatbox *
It’s the sickest kind of day, you gonna git it all your way
A Double Whopper and some fries, with a cold one on the side …
* Beatbox *

Burger Kings in Germany and Whopper Bars in Singapore and Venezuela already sell suds, but this will be the first BK B&B in the US to get they drank on.

* Beatbox *
I’ll give it to you in a cup, and I’ll fill that muthah up
But forget about dessert, unless you lookin’ to get hurt …
Beatbox *

More Whopper Bars could be coming to New York, Los Angeles and Las Vegas, says Chuck Fallon, president of Miami-based Burger King North America.



January 25, 2010 at 11:51 am 6 comments

Heisman Schmeisman

Accolades and honors aren’t just about athletic achievment, people!

A major award is being handed down and if there’s any merit to logic at all – YOU, my friends, are totally missing it.

Ten dedicated SOBs (Servers of Burgers) are making hamburger history as the Krystal Lovers Hall of Fame Class of 2009.

Yes, you read that correctly.
There is a Krystal Lovers Hall of Fame.
And this special group of fast food faithfuls will now forever be a part of it.


Accoutrements of the award include each Hall of Famer being featured on his or her very own super spectacular Krystal Hamburger or Cheese Krystal box, which will be first unveiled at each guests’ exclusive ceremony before being used in the 385 Krystal restaurants across the South beginning early next year.

Yes, you read that correctly.
They each get their own ceremony!
::: Kinda takes the special right out of the supermarket sheet cake your cubiclemates gave you at your last party, huh … :::

Each burger box will include an illustration of the Hall of Famer PLUS a quote that describes his or her passion for Krystal AND personal facts such as the inductee’s hometown and favorite Krystal meal.
::: Banana Freeze, Fries and Chili Cheese Pups at 2 in the morning after a night of binge drinking and bad decisions — YEAH!!!! :::

The first inductee of the 2009 class — and 76th of all time — was Phenix City, Alabama’s own Charlie Capps — who capped off his burger slingin’ career with the HOF nod of infamy.

“After 48 years, I hung up my spatula,” he said.


Except all I’m inspired to be right now is fucking jealous as all getout!
I mean, ok sure — I don’t work at Krystal or anything but I have done my fair share over the years for the franchise (mostly when I was single and in my early 20s and running the streets all hours of the day and night and generally thinking I was badass and engaging in assorted variations or super ridiculousness but WHATEVER – I got my Krystal on!) … yet I’ve not been honored with so much as a half-price coupon!

Where’s the love, fuckers?!
Yes, you read that correctly.
Recognition rejection!!

Don’t make me bring my buns over to Burger King!


December 15, 2009 at 10:14 am

The Fast (food) and The Furious

I love it when some psych-ward reject losing his collective shit at a fast food joint because he didn’t get the VIP treatment!!!

THAT is quality entertainment all the way!

I mean, what greater hee hee is there than people who willingly become part of the cattle-call of carnivorous customers ordering chow from giant, plastic menus – only to bring a bargain-basement version of ‘Don’t you know who I am!?’ when the 10th grader behind the counter fails to move the slop on the chop-chop?!?

There is none!
It’s the best!!

Behold the wonderful whackjobs from this week and see what I mean!
Thursday, Massachusettes: Kentucky Fried Chicken
Two dumb skanks get their snots in a snit and brought the #$!**& you *&%!*ing #$!**&ety #$!**&s because their bucket o’ greasy chicken bits didn’t come out of the deep-fryer fast enough.
And, when another customer asked them to tone down the color-foodfightcommentary ‘for the sake of the children’ they brought a *&%!*ing beatdown so finger-lickin’ good that it got ’em 20 kinds of arrested.

Have fun at KFCounty lockup!

Tuesday, Miami: Taco Bell
Idiot asshat is annoyed that the Taco Bell he decided to visit at 3:40 in the morning is *SHOCK* closed for business – thus preventing him from getting his gordita!
The pissed-off patron cooled his chimichangas in the parking lot until the employees doing cleanup made a break for the homestead.
Bonehead put the kibosh on their run for the border by gettin’ his bang-bang on instead.

Cookie thinks someone needs to think outside the gun!

Those dives ain’t Le Dome, ya fuckin’ mo’s!!

Oh, but it’s ok … I can’t WAIT for the natural hilariosity of the kiddie riot when Carvel runs out of baseball nut!
::: is it wrong to pray for video? :::

October 7, 2009 at 10:19 am 1 comment


Kentucky Fried Chicken hates you.

Not the actual chicken. The company.
They hate you and they want you dead.

newKFCsandwich-thumbThat’s the only explanation I can come up with for why they are are introducing fast food’s newest heart attack waiting to happen:
The Double Bypass Down.

This bitch is made up of two original recipe (fried) chicken filets, which act as the “bread” in this sandwich. Inside, there’s bacon, pepper jack cheese, Swiss cheese and Colonel’s Sauce. It’s estimated to have about 62.4 grams of fat and 858 calories.

Food Geekery and the Orlando Sentinel are reporting that when the cardiac concoction goes national it will cost you $4.99 … cholesterol and blood pressure meds not included.

I think we have a new entry for THIS site!

PHOTO:  Food Geekery

August 25, 2009 at 10:49 am 1 comment

Quick Question

Just who is in charge of Burger King’s advertising department?
Ron Jeremy?!?


She looks scared.
Personally, I don’t think she can handle it but I’m pretty sure she swallows.

June 24, 2009 at 7:58 pm 2 comments

Obvious Obviosity 101

We are a big ol’ bunch of lying fatties, America!

We say we want fast-food joints and sit-down restaurants to offer healthier choices but when it comes time to actually put our money where our giant pie holes are, we ditch all that ‘diet talk’ and go for the gut busters.

At least, according to a company which tracks restaurant menus to identify flavor, preparation, food and pricing trends and, apparently, does the occasional survey of the painfully fucking obvious.

Roughly of chowhounds quizzed by Mintel Menu Insights said they would like to see more healthy options, but only 51% order from those selections.
::: Frealz — someone needed a survey to uncover this bombshell evidence? :::

“There’s definitely a dichotomy between what people say they want and what they actually do when it comes to healthy restaurant eating,” a Mintel flak blah blah’d as some sort of a dismissive justification for our jowlitudinousness.

I’m shocked!

“Over eight in 10 adults told us it’s very or somewhat important to them to eat healthy, but when it comes to dining out, most people are really looking for taste, texture and experience.”


According to the company, the ready availability of better quality, more nutritious food wasn’t the only thing stopping us from eating better.
Oh no!
Price was also an obstruction to eating well!

Get. OUT!

Fifty-four percent of those surveyed admitted they believe it costs more to eat better.

“As cash-strapped consumers tighten their belts, they’re choosing cheap and tasty comfort food,” the survey concluded — which sounds plausible and all until you boil it down to the bottom like and reckonize that a bitch’ll befriend a biggie burger n’ fry combo over some lo-cal caca any day — New Great Depression or not!

Which make me wonder what great new revelation Mintel Menu Insights will bring us next?
That the colors used in a restaurant help determine if we’ll stay and how much we’ll spend?



June 24, 2009 at 2:51 pm

Just asking …

Anyone but me think it’s a certain shade of odd that a 3.8 magnitude earthquake struck central Alabama almost a year to the day that a 3.1 magnitude trembler shook the Heart of Dixie’s southwestern parts?

I mean, ok, yeah, sure — according to the U.S. Geological Survey, Alabama does have some known faults (HAHAHA — ok ok! That kind too!) and homegirl does have a documented history of tremors datin’ back to 1811 – but c’mon! Two in two years — in the 21st century — when the last one before that was 1999?

It’s either a missed sign of the apocalypse or the Thompson High cheerleading squad needs to lay off the Hardee’s Monster Thickburgers before they begin their tumbling routine!


April 21, 2009 at 8:52 pm 5 comments

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