Posts tagged ‘family’

FELINE FUCKERY!


Cat person or not — crap like this should make you want to immediately stop whatever you’re doing and go coin-diggin’ in the car or couch so you can start a collection or host a telethon or some shit to help these heinous humans BUY A GODDAMNED CLUE!!!!!

ACK!!!

Meet the Eskew family of Port St. Lucie, Florida: Jackbag James, Shithead Sheila and Jessica, their dumbass daughter.
————————–>

These evolutionary-scale throwbacks were arrested on animal cruelty charges after they decided it would be just a big ol’ slice of HELL YEAH to pack up everything for their pending move to North Cackalackee.

And by ‘pack up everything‘ I mean force more than 20 of their furry friends into wooden boxes coffins, nail the lids closed and dump ’em in the neighbor’s yard.

me-OWW!!!

Now — animal cruelty charges are all find and good (actually — it’s the LEAST that should happen to these sick tricks) but I think this troublesome trio should also be charged with whatever criminal thingamabob, trip to detention or mark on their permanent records goes along with depriving the larger community of what couldda been catastically comical!

CURSE YOU CAT-HATERS!

I mean, have they never had the pleasure of the LOLCATS pussies?
Are they not hip to the trip that is a YouTube kitty vid?
funnycatpix.com?!
zomgcatz.com?!?
roflcat.com?!?!

No?!
Grrrr!

Get with the program inbreeders!
Don’t make me invoke the spirit of Beethoven and come after your retarded asses!!

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May 4, 2010 at 3:56 pm 3 comments

Judicial Change I Could Believe In


A heinous whore who tortured her child has been:
1. Denied any and all contact with her son
::: GOOD! :::
2. Sentenced to at least four years in prison
::: SLAMMERTIME!! :::
3. Ordered to receive parenting training
::: MOMMI … wait … what?! :::

22-year-old Tabitha Rich put her 33-month-old son butt-first into a pan of boiling water to punish the poor child for the grievous infraction common childhood condition of being constipated.
She also burned his foot with a cigarette and was responsible for other outrageous injuries …

… and yet – instead of barring that bitch from ever reproducing again, some schmuck judge gives her parenting training?!

I’d think the idea would be to prevent her from parenting for, like, EVER!

I mean, ok sure – that skank needs to study up — but wouldn’t it just be easier to obliterate her ovaries and seal her cervix so we don’t have to wait and worry when this MOTY candidate goes for the sequel?!

Because you know there would be one.

Frealz!
SOLUTIONIZE!

We accept the use of chemical castration for male sex offenders, such as rapists, pedophiles, and exhibitionists but then get all touchy when it comes to making it a permanent kind of NOT GONNA HAPPEN AGAIN when some wretched women abuses her offspring.

HYPOCRITICAL!

Cookie’s Conclusion: Just because she has a vagina doesn’t mean she’s mommy material and mommies who wound their wee ones should be forced to surgically forfeit the feminine fixtures of their fertility.

Bandwagon, anyone?

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December 16, 2009 at 11:02 am 2 comments

A Senior Moment – of AWFUL!


Megacoot Roger Stephens has to get his perma-grimace in gear today and face the judge after being arrested earlier this week for cuffin’ a kid at the local Wal-Mart.

walmarthitterTaking a break from his daily regimen of screaming ‘GET OFF MY LAWN!” at the neighborhood chirruns, the 61-year-old Stone Mountainer was out shopping for Faded Glory jeans or Equate-brand laxatives or whatever the fuck it is people go into that hole to buy when a wailer on Aisle Three got him twenty kinds of AARPissed!!

According to the police report, Stephens gave the kid’s mom fair warning that if her spawn didn’t shut it he was gonna take care of that business himself.
Which is just what he did when his meds didn’t kick in he lost his gatdamned mind and slapped the woman’s two-year-old daughter ‘several times in the face’.
“See, I told you I would shut her up,” he reportedly crowed as mom brought the ‘Oh no you di’int!!!’ and screamed for security as another shopper stopped the spiteful senior.

Mr. Crankypants was arrested and charged with cruelty with children in the first degree.
And that’s a slice of big ol’ felony deliciousness, y’all!

He may not like the kiddies but he better learn to get along with L’il Trinny and ‘The Man’ down at Gwinnett County Correctional!

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September 3, 2009 at 10:40 am 4 comments

Copy Kellys


Is there some bodysnatchers shit going on up in here?

duoThese two bitches are the same person!

Well no. Not really.
But they are both named Kelly Hildebrandt and they are gettin’ hitched!

The couple met when she-Kelly looked up her name on Facebook to see if she had a dubilicious ditto out there and wouldn’t you just know it? There was he-Kelly.
::: MNT 2 B :::

Three weeks later, K-peen decided ‘enough with shis virtual shit’, bought a ticket and flew his Texan ass to Florida to check out K-vag IRL.

Dude liked the total package, proposed eight months later and now these two sluts are about to get their I Do’s on!
::: Well duuuhhhhh! She is hot :::

But don’t worry. I mean, it’s not like they’re from Alabama or West Virginia or anything.
They say they’ve checked ancestry records from, bnameslike, 250 years or some shit and have confirmed they are not blood relations so consummation is for sures on the up-and-up, which is awesome because that means that, instead of doing something “Hollywoody” and labeling their lambs Xerox and Ditto and Clone, they can continue the title tradition (and lay the groundwork for their own reality series I’ll go out on a limb and predict will be called The Doppelgangers) by pushing little Kelli and Kelee and Kehley around town in their very own Mountain Buggy Urban Triple!!

And when that glorious day comes — somewhere over a fat-blasting G-Broil Supreme, George Foreman will be smiling in approval …

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July 20, 2009 at 2:37 pm 1 comment

So hard to say goodbye …


I never thought it would be this hard, but after more than 22 years together — how could it not be?

Beethoven: July 1986 – April 2009

beethyears

At least she’ll get to see her friends soon …

mochili

There probably won’t be a post here for a few days …

sleepies

April 16, 2009 at 3:39 pm 8 comments

Edumakashun!


Hottie smartypants Jonathan Jarvis provides, perhaps, the best and most succinct explanation of the credit crisis I’ve heard yet! What do you think?

March 1, 2009 at 7:46 pm 3 comments

Be Thankful


I mean, at least no one’s going to kill you and eat you for dinner, right?
::: always two sides … always two sides … :::

So, whatever kind of turkey you are …

be thankful and have a great day!

November 27, 2008 at 1:08 pm

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