Posts tagged ‘email’

Well SOMEONE didn’t get the memo!!


I mean, really, this is basic ‘Ho Code 101’ shit, people.

The bottom-line, the guiding principle, THE golden fucking RULE when you’re bumpin’ fuglies with prominent, married public figures (or, ok, well, anyone who’s initials are NOT YOUR SPOUSE) is to take a chill on workin’ your grill.

It’s that simple.

No need for discussion!

It is immorality’s universally accepted imperative, for chrissakes!!

Yet, every few fornications there comes along some slut who just can’t keep it shut.

From Dynasty cast member wannabe Gennifer Flowers to dimestore hooker doppelganger Jaimee Grubbs to the demented and diapered Lisa Nowak — there’s always some skank who slips up and spoils the secret sexy times by spilling something she shouldn’t have.

Thanks a lot, Paula Broadwell!

Because of you tryin’ to go and blackmail a bitch over email and everything, poor David Petraeus now must foray back into the field of contraband coochie to find some stupid new streetwalker to screw.

Nice.

But the real tragedy here is far worse than whatever future befalls dear David … or you … .

The real tragedy here is bigger, Paula … because it affects me.

Yes, Paula … the catastrophic consequences of your exasperatingly irritating email tirades mean that I now must go buy an ax, find a frickin’ forest, cut down a tree, chop that shit up, build a frickin’ fire, heat up a poker and GOUGE MY FUCKING EYES OUT
in an attempt to rid myself of the mental image of David’s sad old doggy dick doin’ The Cabbage Patch in yet another whore’s hoo-ha!

I live in fucking FLORIDA, Paula!
Do you have any idea how far I have to drive before I wind up in the woods?!?

Fucking FAR, Paula!!

Fucking.
FAR.

ACK!!!

It didn’t have to end like this, Paula.

Or maybe it did.

Because there’s always one hot ho mess out there like you, isn’t there Paula?

Oh yeah there is.

Take it to the bank, gents! 😉

November 12, 2012 at 11:05 pm 4 comments

Subject: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!


The bitches I hang with are cool.
I call ’em ‘Thuh Kool Beeeez’.
They crack me up.
Little fuckers …


From: Koolbe_K
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 4:20 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

are you sh***ing me?

http://www.lyrictheatre.com/show/501-boyziimen0d0a


From: Koolbe_ME!
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 4:26 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: RE: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

‘Uhh Ahh’, seems they are finding out ‘It’s So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday’, but I guess that’s what happens when you’re ‘Under Pressure’ in ‘Motownphilly’ sweatin’ the ‘Little Things’ like ‘Your Love’.

All I can say, if you’re considering buying a ticket is ‘Please Don’t Go’ ‘Lonely Heart’ ‘Please Don’t Go’


From: Koolbe_L
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 4:29 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: RE: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

Wow you are a gigantic dork…


From: Koolbe_ME!
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 4:29 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: RE: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

NOBODY PUTS COOLEYHIGHHARMONY IN A CORNER!!!

LOL!!!


From: Koolbe_K
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 4:32 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: RE: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

I kinda sorta really want to go. If it was Bell Biv Devoe (sp?) I would definitely be there.


From: Koolbe_ME!
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 4:35 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: RE: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

Who would you go see less – Boyz II Men or P.M Dawn?

DISCUSS!


From: Koolbe_K
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 4:41 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: RE: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

Honestly, I’m a little young. Hahahahahahaa. My first concert was vanilla ice.


From: Koolbe_L
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 4:43 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: RE: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

Mine was NKOTB


From: Koolbe_K
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 4:45 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: RE: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

BAHAHSAHA


From: Koolbe_L
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 4:48 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: RE: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

I know right…my mom took me..

U2 was my second concert


From: Koolbe_ME!
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 4:51 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: RE: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

My first was Dan Fogelberg at the Oak Mountain Amphitheater with the editor (Brooks Atherton) from the Leeds News, where I worked the summer between my junior and senior years in high school.

Now, if you’ll excuse me. It’s time for my Metamucil.


From: Koolbe_ME!
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 4:43 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: RE: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

AND GET OFF MY LAWN!!!


From: Koolbe_K
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 4:45 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: RE: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

And into your car with the ragtop down so my hair can blow?


From: Koolbe_N
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 4:46 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: RE: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

The girlies on stand by just waiting to say hi


From: Koolbe_ME!
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 4:50 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: RE: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

Did you stop? No, I just drove by


From: Koolbe_L
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 4:51 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: RE: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

Seriously…. DORKS


From: Koolbe_K
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 4:53 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: RE: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

All Right!

Stop,

Collaborate,

And Listen.


From: Koolbe_ME!
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 4:57 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: RE: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

We should write our own …

All Right! Stop, Collaborate, And Listen.

Something in my car’s all knockin’ and hissin’


From: Koolbe_K
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 4:58 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: RE: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

Hope it’s not that Hoe in the Trunk

Knew I never shoulda gotten her drunk

?


From: Koolbe_ME!
Sent: This Month, This Day, 2011 5:00 PM
To: Thuh Kool Beeeez!
Subject: RE: hahahahaha- awesome!!!!!

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

July 28, 2011 at 11:03 pm 2 comments

G-nailed!


aigemail
So I got ^ this email ^ yesterday at mmmm.lifeisacookie@gmail.com that was kinda sorta seemingly callin’ my ass a few kinds of out for not going apeshit on the whole AIG sitch.

And I’m all ‘Dude! What’s going on?!? If only you knew how I’ve tried!’

‘What’s going on?’
Well, for one thing, I really didn’t think anyone would want to read 8 inches of FUCK YOU AIG ASSHATS AND YOUR MISERABLE CORPORATE FUCKERY, YOU GREEDY FUCKING FUCKTARDED FUCKERS!!

I mean, it’s not exactly what one would call particularly ‘insightful’ or ‘thought-provoking’, now is it?

‘What’s going on??’
Every time I sit down, try to channel my inner calm and meaningfully articulate just exactly how I feel about AIG paying more than $160 million in bonuses to employees of its Financial Products division …
… the unit primarily responsible for the company’s epic meltdown …
… the meltdown that resulted in AIG getting more than $170 billion of my yours OUR money in the form of a taxpayer-funded bailout …
… the bailout that essentially made instant millionaires over the weekend of more than 70 people (11 of whom no longer even WORK there) who had a direct fucking role in bringing the fucking company to the brink of ETERNAL FUCKING RUIN …

… What’s going on is that I get a POUNDING HEADACHE from repeatedly bashing my forehead against the wall out of earned aggravation and excessively escalating pissiosity!

Because it’s not just the greedy muddascunt AIGers who arouse my anger, sir.

OH HO NO!

I have ire in reserve for the Federal Reserve twits and the Treasury Deptartment meatsacks who should have put terms into the original bailout agreement that would have prevented this fiscal fuckery — but didn’t in the rush rush to get the [admittedly necessary] bill passed.

And I feel I can rightly direct a fair amount of fury at every lameass, near-sighted Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Green Partier, lobbyist, banker, zoologist, cryptozoologist, philatelist or rare coin collector who had even the most limited hand in ultimately putting before then-President Bush the $700 billion NO FUCKING OVERSIGHT economic bailout package (Emergency Economic Stabilization Act of 2008) which became the godawful Troubled Assets Relief Program (TARP) when shrub signed that bitch into law on October 3.

‘What’s going on?!?’
ACK!

I don’t think I can harness this hissy fit and I sure as shit couldn’t find my happy place right now even if you plopped my tuckus smack in the middle of it from a hot-air balloon powered solely by sunshine and positive thoughts!

‘What’s going on?!?!’

There [almost] are no words …

March 18, 2009 at 10:11 am 3 comments


This is the shit you bitches are reading


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