Posts tagged ‘education’

A Work of Art

Every person knows at least one.
Every town has at least one.

At least one individual who brings the hotness like nobody’s business, that is.

Where I live – that individual is Palm Beach County Schools Superintendent Art Johnson.

Just look at that hot slut!

Art Johnson 100% raw sex appeal, sunshine and magic. A feast for the eyes you want to snack on forEVER!

He is so hot even his own face can’t keep up with the cool!
His hotnesss is literally burning the hair off his head!!
I can’t even look at Art Johnson without applying sunscreen!!!


Go ahead and be jealous you non-Palm Beachers – but not too jealous.
‘Cuz remember …

Every person knows at least one.
Every town has at least one.

Who’s yours?

May 27, 2010 at 2:16 pm 7 comments

There’s a special place in hell …

OK – let me get this straight …

  • The Tribune Company’s in deep doo doo
  • The New York Times, on the verge of going tits up, takes out a second mortgage on their digs to the tune of about $225 million
  • McClatchy’s looking to cut their journalistic crown jewel
  • Businesses and newspapers left and right are riffing their ranks
  • Distressed displaced window company workers are about to enter Day 5 of peacefully protesting Bank of America‘s greedy bullheaded assbackwardness
  • Widespread panic over the New Great Depression tanks US Treasury yields to goose egg range
  • Some cities can’t even afford to recycle anymore
  • Entire school districts are going under
  • The bailout-a-palooza has cost us more than all US wars and government programs combined
  • The US economy has shed 1.9 million jobs this year (that’s 1.9 million people out of work, for you Republicans keeping score)
  • Our audaciously hopified president of change cautions us to be less hopified about our current (and future and future and future) situation …
  • ::: just to nutshell it for ya … :::

    … yet THIS greedy douchebag — who presided over his company’s $11.7  BILLION loss this year — is probably gonna get his manicured hands on the $10 million bonus he’s demanding.

    That about right?

    … cuz it doesn’t seem right …

    December 8, 2008 at 9:12 pm 10 comments

    Men You’d Do?

    So I see a press release this morning for a “Menudo Back to School Contest” and I had to sniff the sprinkles on my doughnut to be sure I didn’t accidentally put the ‘good’ powder on there.
    ::: it happens … :::

    What in the lame comeback ploy hell is this all about?
    Have we learned nothing from the Spice Girls or New Kids on the Block??
    Is the musical landscape really so barren that we’re pumping a 30-year-old boy band looking for a comeback at any price???

    What’s next? Are the members of New Edition gonna try and get back together so they can choke out an updated rendition of Mr. Telephone Man or Popcorn Love?
    ::: Don’t laugh – they might. Bobby’s pretty hard up these days … :::

    Oh well, whatever.

    They might want to recast their ‘creative team’, though.
    I mean, what idiot starts a “Back to School’ ANYTHING in October?
    Doesn’t school start in, like, August or something?

    By October kids are boozing in the parking lot and screwing their drama teachers!

    That concert better include an 8-ball and some cutters or things could get ugly.

    October 1, 2008 at 2:36 pm 2 comments

    Sex me, Genie!

    I may fight like a girl but, according to the Bookblog’s Gender Genie, I write like one butch bitch, y’all!

    Instead of rubbing a magic lamp, this genie uses a sort of dumbed-down version of some boring, long-ass algorithm (developed by Moshe Koppel, Bar-Ilan University in Israel, and Shlomo Argamon, Illinois Institute of Technology, blah blah blah) to predict the gender of an author of a blog entry or works of fiction or nonfiction.
    ::: Scientifical!! :::

    The caveat is that the Genie’s ‘best guesses’ come from text submissions of 500 words or more.
    ::: that must be whenthe X and Y chromosomes come out to play :::

    The genie thought Jason Beghe Deathwatch was written by some kind of tranny or something. At 427 words, it was almost too close to call:

    Female Score: 533

    Male Score: 520



    But Ciao Homeless People! – at a gender-bending 508 words – skewed male!

    Female Score: 620

    Male Score: 737



    The genie sees gyna whenever I talk about my boyrfriend but thinks I’m bringin’ the peen about half the time I dish on Big Mac‘s Maverick Beefiness. What’s the dilly, yo?!?

    Am I living writing a lie? Am I trapped halfway inside the virtual closet? Why is ‘with’ feminine while ‘what’ is masculine? And where does the genie stand on blogrish terms like peen, blabby or muddaskunt?

    Inquring minds wanna know!

    … and just in case you were wondering:
    The Gender Genie thinks the author of this passage is: male!

    ::: I gotta go spit and adjust myself in public now :::

    August 28, 2008 at 2:16 pm 3 comments

    Lone Star Hate

    What is it about Texas that turns high school cheerleaders and their mothers 20 shades of batshit crazy?

    Back in the ’90s we had “Pom Pom Mom” Wanda Holloway who hired hit man to murder her 13 year-old daughter’s cheer rival.
    Bitch put a contract out on an eighth grader!!!
    In case you didn’t know, that’s what crazy looks like.  –>

    Last year we were treated to a bunch of dive-roll divas dubbed the ‘Fab Five’ who terrorized folks at a school near Dallas with their ‘chocolate tampons’, peeny-pics and tawdry texts.

    And now we have the lovely ladies of the Morton Ranch High School varsity squad who apparently got a little frisky, mixed a whole bunch of überbitch with absolutely no common sense and turned a recent JV-to-V induction breakfast into a possible criminal incident.
    ::: CLASSY!! :::

    Allegations surfaced this week that the school’s varsity squad “kidnapped” junior varsity members … blindfolded them, bound their hands and mouths with duct tape and tossed them into a swimming pool.”
    ::: NOT nice, Buffy!! :::

    And “when a girl (BEEP) in her pants and puts her pants on another girl’s head, that’s just disgusting,” the sister of one of the JV casualties cheerleaders told the local ABC station.

    You know, I’d flat out cut a bitch for BEEPing on me!
    ::: They troped their own copy! WTF?!? :::

    But the most precious part of this whole retarded mess isn’t the BEEPing or the binding — it’s some hagbag called CHEERMOM001 on the local station’s message boards. She ranted, raved and refreshed that browser for 15 fun-filled hours … and counting!
    ::: can you say obsessive-compulsive, control-freak, probably guilty-by-association stay-at-home stage-mom? I can! … It hurts, but I can say it. :::

    I particularly like the way she came back from her ‘break’ at 1:18 this morning to find that someone (tee hee) had sneakily engaged her keyboard’s capslock.

    She brought the crazy into the wee hours of the morning – then *poof* – just like her daughter’s alibi – CHEERMOM001 was gone!
    Some lunacy with your lunch?

    7/30/08 2:38 PM EDT
    ::: BT-WHAT!? :::

    7/30/08 2:49 PM EDT
    ::: she meant touched … not blessed. But I would pray if I were anywhere near Katy, Texas – Mamma was probably loadin’ buckshot between sentences. :::    


    ::: Ruh roh — too much sniffy-sniff makes mommy a bad typist … umm, and paranoid!  :::

    Oh but it’s just that kind of special when people get all liquored worked up, fire up the Dell and congregate in an atmosphere of mutual hatred on a barely-moderated message board!

    Virtual finger-pointing! Legal threats!! Written threats!!!
    Better than the last Grisham novel!

    Oh crazy Texans – you do make us laugh (and laugh and laaauuuugh …)

    July 31, 2008 at 6:34 pm 15 comments

    Oh God! What if it’s Dick Cheney!?!

    Rumor has it that ABC is giving the full-court press to ‘a major American political figure’ to compete on the next season of ‘Dancing With the Stars’.

    I got soooo super-duper excited thinking about my boyfriend shakin’ what his mamma gave him that I did my super-special happy dance down the 2nd floor hallway, waved my lighter in mock tribute a little too close to the sprinkler system and got everyone an extra 30 for lunch.

    Who can blame me, right?

    After seeing O’Beautiful shake his moneymaker on the Ellen Degeneres show, I was all HELL TO THE YEAH at the thought!
    O’Baby’s got back!

    I’ve seen him dancin’
    To hell with romancin’
    He’s sweat, wet,
    Got me goin’ like a turbo ‘Vette

    But then totally RUINED my O’buzz with news that DWTS ‘insiders’ confirmed the politician is *thud* former vice president Dan ‘What A Dumbass’ Quayle. Apparently he’s “on the short bus list” of stars in final negotiations.

    I’m thinking he couldn’t pass the entrance exam for ‘Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader’ so he’ll mangle the Mashed Potatoe instead.

    July 29, 2008 at 6:20 pm 1 comment

    Dumb in Dallas

    Intersection of Stupid and DumbassThe PC Police are at it again … this time in Dallas County, Texas where a snoozer of a meeting about traffic tickets turned all kinds of nasty as quick as 1-2-3 over the use of one of the world’s most common astronomy terms.

    1. Commissioner Kenneth Mayfield, who is white, said it seemed that central collections office “has become a black hole” because paperwork routinely gets lost there.

    2. That caused Commissioner John Wiley Price, who is black, to shout “Excuse me!” before correcting his pigment-deficient colleague, saying the office has become a “white hole.” 

    3. And that caused Judge Thomas Jones, also black, to demand an apology from whitey Mayfield for his racially insensitive comment.

    Seriously people — this again?!?
    I feel a crying jag coming on.

    For the record …
    Black Hole:
  • An area of space-time with a gravitational field so intense that its escape velocity is equal to or exceeds the speed of light.
  • A great void; an abyss: The government created a bureaucratic black hole that swallows up individual initiative.
    Source: American Heritage Dictionary

    White Hole:
  • The reversal of a black hole.
  • A theoretical celestial object that ejects matter.
    Source: Unabridged (v 1.1)

    I’ll grant you, so far the 2008 Verbal Retardation Award has to go to the Brits who wanted to ban ‘brainstorming’ in favor of ‘thought showering’  — but these Dallas County Commissioners have definitely earned themselves a most dishonorable mention in the ’20 Kinds of Asshatednessly Overboard Responses’ subcategory.

    What other perfectly legit words and phrases will we next be asked to quit?
    Hmmmmmmm …..

  • Will we never have another black out?
    ::: Los Angelinos rejoice — right? :::
  • Do they stop searching for the black box after plane crashes?
  • Will companies have to stop reporting that they’re in the black?
    ::: Not many are actually doing that right now anyway :::
  • Should Sikorsky rename the Black Hawk helicopter — and (ACK!) what about Ridley Scott’s movie of the same name — guess that puppy’s got to be redone.
  • What’s to become of the folks currently living in Black Lick, Pennsylvania?
    ::: where o’ where will Aunt Midge’s mail go?!?!?! :::
  • Will Publix stop carrying black cherry soda?
  • Do I no longer have to fear black cats?
  • Can anarchists no longer fly their black flag?
  • Does Germany need to rename the Black Forest?
  • Will families no longer have black sheep?
    ::: don’t get excited Cleetus – you’ll always have that honor :::

  • God help the environmentalists once the aliens go PC …

    July 10, 2008 at 4:18 pm 6 comments

    Older Posts

    This is the shit you bitches are reading

    Creative Commons License
    Lifeisacookie is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 United States License.

    %d bloggers like this: