Posts tagged ‘economics’

United States of IOU?

California better reckonize!

That bitch has been out there behaving like a first-rate famewhore on the red carpet – totally hogging the ‘We Suck at Solvency’ spotlight! But she better step to the side because hers isn’t the only game in town anymore!

Oh ho no!

A new study by the Pew Center found that double-digit budget gaps, rising unemployment, high foreclosure rates and built-in budget constraints have brought Arizona, Florida, Illinois, Michigan, Nevada, New Jersey, Oregon, Rhode Island and Wisconsin to the precipice of joining Cali in the pageant of impovrished places pockmarking the American landscape.
::: Ten’s a crowd! :::

These states are fucked financially for basically one of three reasons:
1. They rely too heavily on one type of industry
::: diversity of DIE :::

2. They have a history of persistent budget shortfalls
::: finance FAIL :::

3. They face legal constraints that make it too hard to implement major changes, such as tax increases
::: judiciary JAM-UP :::

And it’s all a big ol’ bunch of SUCKS TO BE THEM until you realize that this mess is five slices of Serious Shit Pie  because these piss-poors combine to account for more than one-third of the entire, whole and complete nation’s population and economic output.


“Decisions these states make as they try to navigate the recession will play a role in how quickly the entire nation recovers,” one of the Pew peeps professed.

NO PRESSURE GUYS … but, uhh, could you get with the A program, so all of America doesn’t have to keep suffering?!?

Pretty please with a big ol’ stimulus check on top?


November 13, 2009 at 11:11 am 4 comments

Pearl of wisdom?

Forget Barbie and Bratz — those whores are soooo last decade.

pearl1There’s only one little toy person out there who can properly encapsulate the drek, the despair, the droning drudgery that is this New Great Depression: Poor Pitiful Pearl

From her saggy black stockings to her sizzlin’ sack cloth dress, Pearl just screams ‘Victim Of A Failed Economy’ without ever having to say a word!

Bitch is sraight-up talented like that, ‘kay?

She doesn’t care about your failed programs!
She’s not sweatin’ the stock market!!
Hell, she’s not even looking for a cut of my boyfriend’s massively audacious stimulus package of hope-infused sparkeliciousness!!!

Pearl doesn’t have time for that mess because she’s too busy cutting in line at the unemployment office [like me], dumpster diving for tomorrow’s breakfast [like me!], and rationing her anti-anxiety meds in the hope of making it just one more day  [like m .. uhh, YOU!! ].

pearlPearl simply cannot spare one precious second on all the gloomy economic wah wah going around these days because being flat-broke and fabulous is a full-time gig!! 

Look at that hot slut!! –>
She’s got the greatest deconstruction, nonconformist grip on this nouveau povertè where less is, well, all you get, beggars!

Bitch doesn’t even need shoes!
She is my idol … my new role model … my raison d’etre of indentured servitude to debt!

From here on out, I consult the Oracle of Pearl on EVERYTHING because it’s just so clear that every answer to every question ever asked of anyone in the entire history of the known universe can be ascertained just by surrendering to the hypnotic stare of her freaky static doll eyes!!!

Go ahead!
try it!

I’m doing it nowwwwwwww — and it’s beeaaauuuutttiiiffuulllllllllll!!!!!!

February 24, 2009 at 5:20 pm 19 comments

Standards for Poors?

I have a way cool diversion for any of the four of you not idling away this New Great Depression by spending your days panhandling for pennies or standing in bread lines: POLI-TOPO PAUPER FUN!!

The clever tallymasters over at the Sargent Shriver National Center on Poverty Law have added up the way every member of Congress voted on every bill that had anything to do in even the mostest remotest of ways with fighting that little nuisance we call daily life poverty.
::: NEATO! :::

Unfortunately, a quick check of the Sunshine State reveals some not-so-sunny news for our state’s hobo and vagabond collective: More than half of the richies repping them in Congress have consistently voted against pretty much any and all measures that might have meant any kind of meaningful movement on the povery front.
::: Take note, freeloaders!! :::

Tramps and beggars in my home state of Alabama faired slightly better – they at least had actual Republican-type personages who occasionally threw a Yes vote behind legislation for the poors.
::: Mike Rogers — you ol’ switch-hitter you!! :::

And what about your state??

As you watch your bank account sink further into the red – would you like to know just how little you can expect from your own lawmakers ?

Well this is your lucky day then, you needy bastards!
Just click here to rate your state!

Now go get a job, ya bums!

February 20, 2009 at 5:19 pm 9 comments

Ahead of his time

calvinhobbsSomeone sent Greg Mankiw this –>
“Calvin & Hobbes” comic strip  from 15 years ago that sums up today’s bailout situation rather succinctly … enjoy!

(Click for full view)

February 12, 2009 at 11:14 am 5 comments

Bailout boondoggle?

So I’m reading a story on the Sun-Sentinel website this morning about how the multi-gozillion dollar bailout won’t do diddly squat for the flagging South Florida housing market because the real fix won’t happen until foreclosures begin to fade away and the inventory of unsold homes begins to shrink.
::: mmmkay – makes sense … :::

”The Bush administration wants to buy the bad debts of banks, restoring public confidence in the financial markets. More mortgages would mean more home sales, and more sales ultimately would stabilize falling prices nationwide,” Paul Owers wrote.
::: Umm hmm, ok – I get that… :::

“The housing meltdown began in 2006 in part because too many people stretched to buy homes they couldn’t afford during the preceding five-year boom. From now on, analysts say, lenders will be more careful and home buyers will have to save for down payments,” Owers wrote.
::: gotcha, uh huh, still with ya … :::

Meanwhile, the housing slump is testing sellers, Owers continued, naming one in particular who has a three-bedroom home west of Boca Raton that’s been on the market for about six months. After two price reductions, the seller is now asking $309,000 and “may go even lower,” he writes.
“I’m getting all emotional about it because it’s so frustrating,” the homeowner said.
::: I feel you! :::

The story names the seller’s Real Estate agent, who said the company’s clients ” … don’t want to give their homes away …”

And you know — I totally get ALL of that. A seller’s gotta make some bank, y’all!!

But $309,000 seems a bit high for the times, no? Ahh, well it is Boca … still, the agent’s comments piqued my curiosity, so I went to their website, looked for homes priced around 300k employing that particular agent and there it was.

really pretty 3-2-2 with a barrel-tile roof, some lush-looking landscaping and a nice-sized kitchen.
::: this is where the HGTV ‘Designed To Sell’ UP arrow would come in :::

But the house was built in 1987, is 1,700 square feet and doesn’t appear to have had any major upgrades (granite? pool? oak?? …) in the two decades since it was built.
::: cue the ‘Designed To Sell’ DOWN arrow :::


– $309,000 – twice reduced.
– Area comps are anywhere from the upper 200s to the mid 400s.
::: Welcome to Boca … :::
– Palm Beach County officials valued the property at a proposed $255, 208 for 2008.
– The Zillow ‘Zestimate’ was a slightly more generous $277, 500.

Nothing seems too out of line – it’s not exactly screaming Code Red.

My mind keeps going back to the picture that ran with the story … it was of the seller standing in a kitchen — a kitchen FILLED with laminate cabinets and countertops …
$309,000 …

 … a laminate-laden kitchen in a proposed $309,000 home — bought for $132,000 in 1997 — according to the Palm Beach County Property Appraiser website’s property records search and

Wait — 1997?!?
What part of the housing crisis that began five to six years ago is this seller who bought 10 years ago supposed to represent again???

Oh well, whatever — $309,000. For Boca laminate.
I guess that IS the crisis …

I’ll be the absolute first to pump a profit, but come on!
Kitchens and bathrooms sell — but not with outdated appointments.

I’m not picking on this property – or this story. I’m just pointing out what every other potential buyer can easily find and will gladly tell you.

Make the upgrades or be realistic. Sellers don’t have fall in line with or help justify the overpriced comps around them.

Perhaps part of the bailout plan should be a mandate for buyers, sellers and bankers to all get real about the ACTUAL worth of their shit.

When sellers get a goddamned grip and price accordingly we all win.
Otherwise bailout is gonna be just another word for boondoggle.

September 25, 2008 at 7:01 pm 4 comments

This is the shit you bitches are reading

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