Posts tagged ‘earth’

Nature’s a muthah


Not that you didn’t know that obvious obviousity alfuckingready, but apparently some folks didn’t … and had to get their study on to get a gat damn clue.

So here’s the nugget:
If you start bringin’ the crazy all of a sudden – don’t panic.
It’s ok.

Because it’s, like, 100% Mother Nature’s fault.
::: subsitute teachers, guidance counselors, babysitters and parents everywhere breathe a sigh of relief :::

A report being released today titled ‘A Climate of Suffering: The Real Cost of Living with Inaction on Climate Change’ says the past 15 years of planet cracking has been a ”preview of life under unrestrained global warming”.

A PREVIEW?!?
FUUUUUCK – this shit’s gonna get worse?
::: rhetorical question, of course it is – you thought 2010 was an anomaly?! :::

The report is the culmination of someone’s idea of serious researchological determinerifficality, prepared real special-like for the Climate Institute, and it puts the loss of social cohesion in the wake of severe weather events related to climate change squarely in the center of the blame circle of things that could possibly, likely be linked to increased rates of anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress and substance abuse.

”What we have seriously underestimated is the effects on social cohesion,” said Professor Ian Hickie, the executive director of the Brain and Mind Research Institute. “That is very hard to rebuild and they are critical to the mental health of an individual.”

YA THINK?!

Dude, being stranded in your own flooded house with no running water (YUCK!) during a three-day power outage (BLECH!) with only a few gallons of wine to drink (PTOO .. oh wait, that was just good planning) wondering how the hell you’re even going to get out of your own neighborhood (SCARY!) if you run out (SCARIER!!!) clued The Cookie in to that whole anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress and substance abuse ACK!!! after Hurricane Jeanne upended my shit in 2004!

Save yourself the next few thousand and spend some time in SoFla during a truly heinous hurricane and you can studerifically conclusionize for FREE all day long!

SOURCE

August 30, 2011 at 1:48 pm

Help me out for a sec …


When passing a Prius slathered in stickers proclaiming love and devotion to all things environmental and greeniliciously earthly …

… and the driver pushes a McDonald’s bag out onto that terrific terra through the window while driving the Florida Turnpike …

… what is that?

Irony?
Hypocrisy?

June 2, 2010 at 6:42 pm 9 comments

Planet Dearth?


With all those nasty carbon footprints trackin’ up the place, ozone layer probs and general worldwide whatthefuckshouldIcare attitude about this rock we call home, I have been furiously building an underground shelter and stocking doomsday supplies seriously worried about going all *poof* Game Over at some point.

But — thanks to the scientifical handiwork of the super-smarties over at the Carnegie Institution of Science — I don’t have to worry about living off hominy and drainage water anymore!!!
::: YAY!!!!! :::

According to at least one Mr. Brawnybigbrain, “there could be one hundred billion Earth-like planets in our galaxy.”
::: Woo hoo!!! Earths for everyone!!! :::

Based on the numbers of planets found so far outside our Solar System, Carnegie’s Dr. Alan Boss estimates that each Sun-like star has, on average, one “Earth-like” planet … which means there would be HUGE numbers capable of supporting life … which means the most magnificent intergalactic mulligan in this history of ‘that one didn’t count’ EVER!!!
::: Break out the Aqua Net and crank up the Hummer – we’ve got planetary BACKUP!!! :::

This is such a total slice of complete AWESOME that I almost don’t know what to do with myself!
I mean, just think of the possibilities!

We can continue to gut this bitch 20 ways to Sunday and Al Gorgeous can’t say shit!
‘Cuz it’s all good!
‘Cuz we can just MOVE!!
::: It’ll be like college all over again!! :::

“Not only are they probably habitable but they probably are also going to be inhabited,” Boss  told BBC News about the planets.
::: Wait. Did he just toss out a ‘probably’ or two?!? :::

“But I think that most likely the nearby ‘Earths’ are going to be inhabited with things which are perhaps more common to what Earth
was like three or four billion years ago.”
::: uuhhh … like dinosaurs?!? :::

Like bacterial lifeforms.
::: soooo, that’s a ‘no’ on trading this one in, then? :::

… I suddenly have an urge to plant a tree …

SOURCE

February 16, 2009 at 4:50 pm 8 comments

Rank … and File 13


Dear Earth,

I know it’s been a while since my last letter and I hate to be the bearer of even more bad news for you because I know you’ve been under your weather for a really long time, buuuut – remember how I told you the folks at the Pew Research Center were doing a survey to figure out what people think President O’Beautiful’s priorities should be?

Well, they’re done and … gosh, I, I just don’t know how to say this other than just to come right out with it …

About those priorities?
You’re not one.

I mean, your movie was off the chain and all – and you know how hot Al Goregous makes me (kind of like the way burning fossil fuels and deforestation make you feel) – but the bottom line is that we’re all just beginning the long journey out of the darkness of this New Great Depression and, well, you don’t put food on the tab … oh wait – ok, you sort of  do … ummm, uhh, what I meant to say is that you don’t pay the bills.
Yeah, that’s what I’m trying to say.

You don’t pay the bills, and so we have to make fixing the economy Priority Numero Uno right now.

Now, I know we made a big deal about you there for a while and, gosh, I sure hope you don’t take this too hard … it’s just that there’s just so much to fix!!

What with the economic situation, the health care situation, the education situation, the social security situation, the crime situa … well, just all the other situations we’ve been so so busy not fixing for the last eight years.

But you are important to me!!
You are!

Increased heating bills, higher cooling bills, rising insurance bills, ever-expanding grocery bills … I know you’re a part of making all of those bills higher … if only you could help pay for them …
… but you can’t and so folks were all ‘Global Warming Schmobal Schmorming, Earth Schmerth! – I need to get straight up PAID, bitch!’ when it was time to prioritize.

Soooo … you know, like, I’m sorry and all and I really do hope you feel better soon.
Maybe next year … right?!?

Yeah … ok … well, umm, see you at the rally in April

XOXO,
Cookie

SOURCE

January 23, 2009 at 3:54 pm 10 comments

There’s a special place in hell …



OK – let me get this straight …

  • The Tribune Company’s in deep doo doo
  • The New York Times, on the verge of going tits up, takes out a second mortgage on their digs to the tune of about $225 million
  • McClatchy’s looking to cut their journalistic crown jewel
  • Businesses and newspapers left and right are riffing their ranks
  • Distressed displaced window company workers are about to enter Day 5 of peacefully protesting Bank of America‘s greedy bullheaded assbackwardness
  • Widespread panic over the New Great Depression tanks US Treasury yields to goose egg range
  • Some cities can’t even afford to recycle anymore
  • Entire school districts are going under
  • The bailout-a-palooza has cost us more than all US wars and government programs combined
  • The US economy has shed 1.9 million jobs this year (that’s 1.9 million people out of work, for you Republicans keeping score)
    and
  • Our audaciously hopified president of change cautions us to be less hopified about our current (and future and future and future) situation …
  • ::: just to nutshell it for ya … :::

    … yet THIS greedy douchebag — who presided over his company’s $11.7  BILLION loss this year — is probably gonna get his manicured hands on the $10 million bonus he’s demanding.

    That about right?

    … cuz it doesn’t seem right …

    December 8, 2008 at 9:12 pm 10 comments

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