Posts tagged ‘driving’

Wait. What?

I roll my rubber over ^this mess^ every day and ask myself this question:
What in idiotic indicatory indication hell is this fucked up shit?!?

After many weeks and much thought, I have decided there is only one possible answer.

It is the fucked up indicatory indication that some jive-ass fool in the Palm Beach County Engineering and Public Works Department thought was just this side of¬† ‘ehh, s’good enough this close to Happy Hour’ to be permanently placed on the pavement, thus perplexing passers-by in perpetuity.


Exhibit A:
The arrows.

Two lanes arrow left … into southbound Military Trail. Ok.
One lane arrows right … into northbound Military Trail. Good.
One lane arrows ahead … into … a … concrete wall. Uh, notsomuch!

::: Although I’m sure it’s a certain kind of tee-hee to see Sylvia all wide-eyed and
white-knuckling it while bringin’ the ”turn Melvin” ”It’s a turn, Melvin”

Exhibit B:
The name.

Last I checked, that long road that runs up and down the East Coast, stretching from Florida to Maine is one of those do-hickeys called an Interstate and is assigned one of those two-digit numbers (key word there, peeps — NUMBERS) that gets bigger as you travel West to East, explaining why it’s all the way up there at 95 everywhere it’s referenced.

Except here.

Because on the day this bit of the byway was being branded, Mr. Jive-ass fool must have been hittin’ the pipe pretty hard because — and I’m no super-sleuth or anything — that looks like a P … a backwards P … which makes it, like, a LETTER instead of, you know, a number, which makes me sad because I have to conclude Mr. Jive-ass fool is the product of a Mississippi public school education that came to what I can only conclude was a rather convulsive end at about the 6th grade.


But hey, you know me. Always looking for the silver lining; The Rainbow; THE BRIGHT SPOT!
No, wait.
That’s not me.
That’s my green-eyed friend.

But if I was like that I’d have to say a silent prayer of PRAISE JESUS Mr. Jive-ass fool isn’t responsible for directing traffic to, say,¬†Ichnetucknee Springs or some shit.

Is he?

*hat-tip to JR for puttin’ jive-assery on the menu ūüėČ

August 25, 2011 at 8:06 pm

Dumb Bitch of the Day

 Some dumb bitch in Ohio is in hot water for breast-feeding her child and talking on the phone while driving.

No — she’s not a dumb bitch because she was breast-feeding. I’m not even going to get into that argument, it’s so 1994! Breast-feeding is a beautifully wonderfully natural enterprise that I wholly support.

And no —¬†she’s not a dumb bitch because she was on her cellphone. It’s a necessary and totally rewarding endeavor that I wholly support.
** Unless she wasn’t using a Bluetooth earpiece while driving. If she was holding that shit up to one ear — then, yes,¬†she is a dumb bitch for being on her cellphone. **

This idiot is¬†a dumb bitch because she thinks it’s ok to do feed and chat, in tandem, while steering her mom-mobile through morning traffic.

And she earns dumb fucking bitch honors because she doesn’t care that¬†her own child’s safety is the reason there is a LAW requiring drivers to put¬†childern under four years old or under 40 pounds in a safety seat.

“When my baby wants to eat, she wants to eat and I’m not gonna listen to that all across town to Kettering and back everyday,” Genine Compton said.

So you’re annoyed by the sound of your own baby?
Uh huh – s’cool and all — but instead of going full retard on the expressway, how about the really renegade move of pulling the fuck OVER!!!

Don’t get all militant la leche league pissypants on me, because I don’t
gives a rats ass if you breast feed your brat in public. 

Go for it!
Whip that bad boob out and go to town for all I care …

… just don’t do it on the way to town, which is exactly what she did.

Police were alerted to the situation when a passing motorist called to report the multitasker, saying “I tried to say something to her.¬†She literally has the little girl on the steering wheel and I said, ‘I can’t believe you have that kid in your lap and she said, ‘You want to pop your titty out and breastfeed this kid?’ That’s what she said to me. I’m like, ‘You can feed your kid when you stop.’ It’s, like, wet out here. It’s full of traffic. It’s ridiculous. She’s got, like, three other kids in the car.”¬†

“Our issue is not the fact that this woman was breast-feeding in public,” Kettering Officer Michael Burke said, adding the dumb bitch would have been charged even if the child was just sitting on her lap.

“Our issue is that she created the condition that placed her child’s health and safety at risk.”

Only she’s too much of a dumb bitch to give a shit.

So be alert, Ohioans!

In order to avoid her next ticket, this dumb bitch just may put one of her other little dickens in the driver’s seat!



March 2, 2009 at 6:13 pm 11 comments

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