Posts tagged ‘divorce’

Cheating just got easier (to prove)


BEWARE!!!

Social media is the worst thing ever created in the history of all histories and you should totally freak your shit over it because — before it kills you 20 kinds of dead — it’ll fuck your spouse, eff your biz and just flat out ruin your life.

Yuh huh! Will so!!
Bona fide RESEARCH proves it!!!

See, some schmoe from some divorce website heard that social sites like Facebook are really just all about sexy chatty times and were, therefore, a fundamental factor in the fragmentation of marital unions all over the gat damned place, so he put on his ‘how can I use this to get free publicity for my website’ hat and got all probey!
::: It’s not their fault!! The INTERWEBS made them cheat!!! :::

Divorce-Online’s Mark Keenan scanned the his company’s database for the word “Facebook” and found 989 instances of the word in 5,000 petitions.

Horror!

“I was really surprised to see 20 percent of all the petitions containing references to Facebook,” said Keenan, who clearly just fell off the turnip truck this morning.

SHOCK!!

Other social networking sites, including MySpace, Bebo and Twitter, also featured heavily in the sample of 5,000 divorce papers studied.

OUTRAGE!!!

And just what lewd labors came to light over the social networking landscape?
::: HINT: Answer graph three … :::

“The most common reason seemed to be people having inappropriate sexual chats with people they were not supposed to.”

Inappropriate sexual chats.
Inappropriate sexual chats?!

Puh-LEEZ!
I have that in my Bag O’ Get The Best Treadmill At The Gym Tricks!
::: Because it’s the only way to get Mr. Overmuscled Roidhead Assmaster off my machine! :::

I have that in my How To Make The Tightass At Work Nervous Handbook!!
::: Because, oh who are we kidding? That shit’s just fucking funny is why! :::

I have that in my Ways To Get Mr. Cookie To Do … oh wait … we’re married, that doesn’t count.
::: #17! #17!!!!! :::

But whatever!
Inappropriate sexual chats.
Uh huh, sure … I’m all … meh …

Where’s the porn?
The passionless partners?
The innate penchant for hanky panky???

Has social media also killed those time-tested requisite exercises in infidelity?!?

I don’t know … but I DO know that Mr. Divorce Website’s serious scientifical researchification proves one thing: Cheaters better check it before they wreck it because these days dirty chat’s all you need to claim they’ve done the deed.

But, hey, turn those frowns upside down all you sadder but wiser spouses out there!
There IS  a bright side!
Writechic has found the perfect gift for YOU!

SOURCE

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December 22, 2009 at 11:26 am 6 comments

Keep it classy, LeAnn!


leann

Better luck next time Dean!

September 2, 2009 at 12:32 pm 1 comment

Let’s face it …


Meg Ryan says her Hollywood career is nearly over and she’ll never be able to recapture her previous fame.
Why? Because she says there just aren’t enough good roles for women over 40.
::: Damn it all to hell and back! Who forgot to give the memo to Helen Mirren, Judy Dench, Diane Keaton, Meryl Streep, Annette Bening and Diane Lane?!? :::

“I think when Hollywood is done with me, I will probably be done with it. I’m not interested in playing those stock characters any more and I don’t feel sad that I don’t get those kind of offers.”

Someone’s in DEE-NIE-YULL!!!

It’s not her age that’s preventing her from landing roles …

… it’s her face.

It seems like only yesterday that everything was going along just swimmingly for America’s former sweetheart – then *BAM* – Meg boarded the big bus to crazy town!

Did it happen because folks found out she’d been bumpin’ fuglies with the Australian STD?
::: la chocha caliente :::
Did it happen because her then-husband of nine years decided it best to throw a cheatin’ chocha OUT?
Did it happen because no one liked ‘Hanging Up’?
::: they didn’t, get over it :::

Alas, we may never know what drove the Megster mad. But one thing’s for sure:
She must have some ginormously craterous self-esteem because – after being tossed out, she freaked out.

Meggers didn’t consult her oft-thumbed self-hater’s guidebook to wellness and she didn’t drag her ass in for analysis. Hell, she didn’t even develop a well-deserved chemical addiction!
She did it another  way.

Bitch ditched all that bankable girl-next-dooriness for an overblown trout pout, shaved schnoz, cutlet-y implants and some super-sateeny alien skin.
::: CAREER BE DAMNED!! muahahahahah!!!!! :::

Instead of trading on her natural good looks – she traded ’em IN.
Forever.

And it’s too bad, too – because, unless there’s a ‘When Harry Met Scary’ deal in the works, Meg’s makeover gave the once-upon-a-time cutie patootie the perfect face for just one thing:
Radio.

Meg? For future reference – when the mirror’s being mean to you – just remember …

September 16, 2008 at 4:13 pm 8 comments

Debbie Does Divorce?


Roger Clemens\' women (so far)
The Roger Clemens hillbilly drama just gets better and better …

Today we find out that Debbie Clemens’ other half was injecting the ol’ pocket Rocket into Paulette Daly (the ex-wife of golf’s original badboy, John) and  Mindy McCready during the Clemens’ near-24-year union.

And, in true hillbilly fashion — Roger and Mindy began knockin’ boots when she was a mere 15-Mylie Cyruses-old.
*For those of you keeping track at home — Clemens would have been 28 at the time. Now, I’m no expert or anything but I think that’s called statutory rape.

::: I can’t put my finger on it … but there is something eerily similar about these gals … hmmm :::

Methinks the Rocketman ought to give heavy thought to dropping that defamation of character suit against scuzzball Brian McNamee.  Sure, McNamee’s a douche but Clemens need only look in a mirror to find the person responsible for his predicament.

And I think it’s gonna be a long long time
Till touch down brings me round again to find
I’m not the man they think I am at home
Oh no no no I’m a rocket man

Let’s dust off that February prediction, shall we?

May 1, 2008 at 1:38 pm 3 comments

You mean it wasn’t true love?!?


Star Jones and Al Reynolds divorcingIn a completely and totally shocking development, original Bridezilla Star Jones has filed for divorce from Big Gay Al.

We know — who could have seen THAT  announcement coming … I heart sarcasm

In a statement to “Entertainment Tonight,” she said: “Several years ago I made an error in judgment by marrying a manlover, incessantly hyping the nuptials, having corporate sponsors for my wedding inviting the media into the most intimate area of my life. A month ago I filed for divorce just like everyone predicted would happen.”

::: Star Jones talking about her ‘intimate areas’ = nasty :::

She drones on … “The dissolution of a marriage is a difficult time in anyone’s life that requires privacy with one’s thoughts. I have committed myself to handling this situation with dignity and grace and look forward to emerging from this period as a stronger and wiser woman.”

And by handling the sitch with dignity and grace she means she couldn’t snag any corporate sponsorship for the breakup.

::: bew hew :::

Poor girl — it’s hard, we know. Almost nothing tastes as bad as crow …

April 23, 2008 at 7:10 pm 2 comments


This is the shit you bitches are reading


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