Posts tagged ‘death’

An Open Letter to Ann Romney


Stop it.
Stop it right now.

Stop using your illnesses as a campaign issue if you’re never once going to talk about the need to further awareness or the need to raise money for research or for anything other than furthering your own selfish agenda — all the while denying you are doing anything of the sort.

It’s disgusting.
So, stop it.

Because what you’re using it to snag is the White House. And the White House is the residence of the most prominent public servant in the United States. But public service is most assuredly not what you are advocating with the Ann Romney Pity Party Road Show.

The ME ME ME interview-train you are steering into seemingly any and every station with a broadcast signal or rag with publication privileges has steered very clear of any meaningful discussion of what real illness really does to real people.

But then it kind of has to, doesn’t it, Ann.

Because you wouldn’t know about any of that.

Because your situation is not representative of what real illness really does to real people.

Trust me, I know.
Because I am a real person really affected by real illness and I’m tired of your act.

I am Multiple Sclerosis – each and every day since my diagnosis on May 15, 2009.

I am also married with a mortgage, a full-time (and then some) corporate manager, and I am in the game.
And I — like the mostly 400,000 other Americans living, dealing and coping with the real realities of Multiple Sclerosis — do it all every day without spinning my sad tale of woe to manipulate situations for my own personal gains.

Because that’s disgusting.
So, stop it.

“I want people to believe in their hearts that we know what it is like to struggle,” you said this past Sunday on NBC’s ‘Meet The Press’. ” … our struggles have not been financial, but they’ve been with health and with difficulties in different things in life.”

Ann?
If you can lament MS as your ‘cruel teacher’ yet have absolutely no comprehension of financial hardship that often goes hand-in-hand with long-term and/or incurable illness, then I once more must advise you to stop it. Stop it right now.

No one begrudges you — or your husband — your success.
That is not what this is about.

The dream, the promise and the hopeful realization of financial success is part of the very foundation of our country.
Congrats on making it.

What this is about is that you put yourself front-and-center and go on and on (and on and on) about your struggles with MS and how you “don’t know how much is it going to chew me up and spit me out?” … and you, like the rest of us wonder “How sick am I going to get? … Am I going to be in a wheelchair?” … and you, like the rest of us, know “It’s a very, very frightening place to be.” … yet you never once ever (ever!) talk about why all of that is why we need to bring the issue to the forefront, to make health care a true and meaningful part of a national discussion, to raise awareness, to raise money for research, to find a cure (because we could) — for it and all of the many other diseases out there for which there is no cure, little money, even less discussion and scant hope … and so on and so forth.

What this is about is that you, Ann, are in the perfect position to do just that.
But you never talk about the bigger picture.
You never speak of or to the greater good.
Ever.

Shame on you!


It’s just the never ending Ann Romney Pity Party Road Show.
A true story about Ann Romney.
Starring Ann Romney.
Talking only about Ann Romney.

So, do not attempt to class yourself with me or other folks like me when it comes to Multiple Sclerosis.
Ever.

Because ‘The Hug’, the skin flips, eye jumbles, pulls, seizures, spasticity, word fishing, fog, falling, paralyzing fatigue, constant pain, more than occasional Krueger Claw and all of the other ruthless physical and emotional realities of daily life with MS are but a part of the conversation that speaks to that bigger picture you don’t talk about.

That bigger picture that, for the rest of us includes things like:
The worry over what to do about work when you can’t walk or think.
::: You don’t work, so this is not something that weighs heavily on your mind. Why talk about it, right? That’s not your MS. :::

The fear your colleagues will find out and feel you’re suddenly ‘less than’ capable.
::: Your colleagues on the campaign eagerly have you play the victim card, so this is not fundamentally significant to you. Why talk about it, right? That’s not your MS. :::

The financial stranglehold imposed by uncovered insurance costs.
::: We all know that ‘financial struggles’ are not intrinsic to your way of life. Why talk about it, right? That’s not your MS. :::

And so much more I don’t need to get into here because why talk about it, right, Ann? That’s not your MS.

But it is mine.

My MS means nearly $4,000 every month for just 4 Avonex injections (that’s just a one-month supply, Ann).

My MS means as much as $5,000 twice a year for brain or cervical spine MRIs to monitor my progression.

My MS means feeling helpless and very, very (very) scared when people I know and care about die from MS.

People like Dan Aronie …

People like my high school classmate Clay …

Oh but that’s just my MS, Ann.

Not yours.

And I know you don’t concern yourself with those things not Ann Romney.
::: Choo Choo!! And the Ann Romney Pity Party Road Show MUST go on! :::

Ann, I don’t doubt that you do you understand a small smidge of the physical plight the rest of us MS patients endure, but you cannot even begin to understand what it is like to live with (and in spite of) the rest.

So do not try to ‘relate’ to me, girlfriend. ‘kay?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am a working professional living with (and paying for) MS … and I approved this message.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

::: and I don’t really care what you think about it, Ann :::

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September 18, 2012 at 6:23 pm 8 comments

Apparently, I don’t heart me


I work.
I work a lot.
And (like it’s a big secret here at LIAC?!) lately I am working more than ever.

I say I don’t mind.
It’s project-related.
It’s not long-term.

But I kind of mind.
And Mr. Cookie REALLY minds.

For all of the good reasons you’re already thinking.

Plus one.

According to a new study, I’m screwed.

See, a bunch of big brains over at the Finnish Institute of Occupational Health and University College London pooled their gray matter to do some serious CSI-type researchification on the long-term damage being overworked can do.

It was no great revelation that being overworked is bad for you.
That’s the kind of 2+2 shit I can work out in my own head.

What was just the teensiest smidge of uh oh was reading that people (like me) who work more than 10 hours a day (HAHAHAHA – only TEN? Fucking lightweights!) are about 60% more likely to develop heart disease or have a heart attack than people who clock just seven hours a day.

60%.
I am so screwed!

The study followed more than 6,000 British civil servants with no history of heart disease for an average of 11 years.
During the study, a total of 369 people had heart attacks (some of them fatal) or were diagnosed with heart disease after seeking medical attention for chest pain.

I AM SO FUCKING SCREWED!!

Fuckitalltohellandbacknow I need a drink … and I’d HAVE one too … if I wasn’t at work …

SOURCE

May 13, 2010 at 11:14 am 4 comments

I’m thinking … the end is near …


Well, actually – it’s here.

NOOOOooooooooooo
But yes.

Straight from Land of NOOOOooooooooooo [but yes] comes a tale so tragic I *wince* almost *gak* can’t even *bghwa* get it out!!!

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Yes I can!

Edgar Allen Poe’s ‘Mystery’ Visitor Fails To Appear

NOOOOooooooooooo

But yes.

In a tradition that dates back to at least 1949, The Poe Toaster — some drunkass douche with nothing better to do a mysterious figure dressed in black [ooo], features cloaked by a wide-brimmed hat and scarf [ahhhh] — has crept into a Baltimore churchyard every January 19 to leave three roses and a half-bottle of Cognac at the grave of Edgar Allen Poe.

every year.
Except this one.

NOOOOooooooooooo

But yes.

“I’m confused, befuddled,” said Jeff Jerome, curator of the Poe House and Museum. “I don’t know what’s going on.”
::: I’m thinking the smart money’s on the dude being dead :::

“I’m very disappointed, to the point where I want to cry,” said Cynthia Pelayo, 29, who needs to get a fucking life had stood riveted to her prime viewing spot at the gate for about six hours. “I flew in from Chicago to see him. I’m just really sad. I hope that he’s OK.”
::: I’m thinking the signs are pointing to the guest being a gonner :::

This year marked the 201st anniversary of Poe’s birth, and some Poe-fficianados are speculating that perhaps – just maybe – the visitor considered last year’s bicentennial an appropriate stopping point.
::: I’m thinking the perplexing pilgrim has perished :::

Jerome said he will continue the vigil for at least the next two or three years, in case the visits resume. “So, for me,” he said, “it’s not over with.”
::: I’m thinking it’s kind of funny that the writer’s biggest fan ended that sentence with a preposition :::

SOURCE

January 20, 2010 at 11:19 am 8 comments

Limited Time Offer!!!


Like you bitches need MORE reasons to drink excessively on New Year’s Eve?!

McGuire, Jennings and Miller Funeral Home in Rome, Georgia is offering a free burial to folks who drink and drive (and, well, ok – DIE) while ringing out the old and drinking in the new.

The burial boys say anyone who signs a contract admitting they plan to booze it and lose it on before the clock strikes 2010 will get a free memorial complete with casket, grave, limousine and preparation of your pickled, earthly remains.
::: grieving rellies cursing your dumb fucking ass sold separately :::

Funeral home officials said the program is designed to save lives by making partygoers think twice about drinking and driving.

Looks like they forgot all about the terminally ill and terribly poor who may just see the bright side of a blue-light burial …

December 30, 2009 at 5:56 pm 2 comments

Droll Tide


It comes as no surprise to anyone who has even the remotest passing knowledge of The Cookie that Auburn Football is the absolute and complete love of my life.
::: It’s ok – Mr. Cookie has learned to deal. :::

And even knowing that about me, the peeps here in Florida think I’m joking when I tell them nothing – and I DO mean nothing – is more important to people from the state of Alabama than almighty football.

Which is why – despite the fact that it centers around the hated, The Despised, THE DEVIL’S SPAWN that is the Alabama Crimson Tide – I am totally down with the following and don’t find it at all ridicutarded.

Lawyers representing the defendant in an accidental death case — a case that has taken four years to come to trial — asked the judge to delay the trial because it conflicts with the Alabama-Texas BCS title game on January 7.

And judge sez?
Sure!
::: Whaaat?!? It IS the championship game! :::

Attorney Jon Terry argued in his motion for delay that the trial was scheduled “before certain monumental events occurred,” that some attorneys have tickets to the game, that jurors are likely to be preoccupied and that opposing attorneys went to Auburn.
::: Monumental … you know, like barely beating Auburn in the final minutes after having your Heisman hero being held to less than one yard per carry by my beloved Tigers in the heartbreak game of the year … uh huh sure, but whatever … :::

“ROLL TIDE!!” the motion concludes.

Circuit Judge Dan King, an Auburn alumnus, said he planned to grant the motion.

“If I didn’t, they’d say, ‘He just didn’t grant it because he’s an Auburn fellow,'” he said. “I wouldn’t do that to ’em.”

Shockingly – plaintiffs attorneys have a problem with this!
::: must be grouchy Gator grads … :::

In a motion filed Thursday morning they argued that the trial should begin as scheduled.
“Simply stated, some things are more important than football,” the motion said.

BLASPHEMERS!!!

Judge Scott Vowell, the presiding judge in Jefferson County and also an Auburn alumnus [we DO rule!], said he’d never before seen a motion that requested a continuance because of a football game but gave the Tiders mad props for coming clean.

“There’s been some motions for continuances and I’ve suspected what the real reason was,” he said. “But this is the first one I’ve seen that was this honest and candid about the reason.”

Judge King, who had not yet issued a formal order late Thursday, said he would reschedule the trial to begin in a month or two.

Bama — ballsy on the field … and off!

SOURCE

December 18, 2009 at 11:58 am 4 comments

Off the clock


Today’s heartwarming holiday-time tale comes courtesy of  The City of Brotherly Love — where the caring and compassionate crew over at Aria Health’s Frankford Campus couldn’t be bothered to check on a man clutching his chest in apparent distress … then losing consciousness … then losing, well, LIFE.

Hospital security video shows 63-year-old Joaquin Rivera going to the window twice in the 11 minutes after he arrived on Saturday, complaining of chest pain – which you’d think medical types would take a few shades of serious, right?

Not in Philadelphia they don’t!

No one bothered to check on Rivera for almost an hour — even after he reluctantly released all responsiveness and apparently said a big ol’ buh-bye to breathing.

Well, no one, that is, except for the asshat who made a five-finger discount on the dying man’s watch!

Philly fuckery!!!

The cops have confiscated the tape and are planning a sweeping investigation of hospital neglect that will undoubtedly result in a scathing indictment of the facilities nincompoopedness and lead to stricter controls on patient care.

HAHAHAHA!!!!
Noooo.

They’re just goin’ after the watch ripper-offer.

Way to stay classy, Philly!

SOURCE

December 8, 2009 at 10:51 am 1 comment

R.I.P. Patrick Swayze :(


NOOOOOooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!

Curse you Summer of Death!!!!!

patrick-swayze-dirty-dancingPatrick Swayze, who made me want to grab my grenade launcher and fuck shit up as Jed Eckert …

Patrick Swayze, who made me want to grind it like I mean it as Johnny Castle …

Patrick Swayze, who made me want to buy a bunch of clay and make shit as Sam Wheat …

Patrick Swayze, who made me want to bust some HEADS as James Dalton …

Patrick Swayze, who made me want to catch a major curl as Bohdi …

… has lost his battle against pancreatic cancer and died …

… at the justfuckingwaytoosoon age of 57.

😦

September 15, 2009 at 10:35 am 3 comments

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