Posts tagged ‘crisis’

THIS is, like, sooooo not right … ‘n stuff


sadgirlHold tight to your Hermès, girlfriends, because this is Hampton’s-Hissy-Fit BIG!

Looks like the The New Great Depression isn’t just for the little people, after all.
::: Chutney — I suggest you sit down for this, sweetie … :::

Chanel and Louis V are being forced to … to …
::: Oooohhh I almost just can’t even bring myself to say it, it’s so awful!!! :::

They are being forced to *gulp* ECONOMIZE!!!!!!!
::: Take it easy, Tinsley! :::

Chanel’s getting ready to lay off 200 staffers in their Paris office and LVMH has cancelled a plan for a Louis Vuitton megastore in the Ginza district of Tokyo.
::: DEEP BREATHS, BRYNN!!! :::

cryUntil recently, luxury brands were in goddamned fucking denial about the had claimed immunity from the growing worldwide Olympic-style economic nosedive.

But the cold bitchslap of reality has left a lingering sting that’s being felt from the boutiques of Paris to the la-tee-dah shoplofts and spas of London to the ostentatious avant-garde expos of New York as the not-so-nouveau-riche-anymore are foregoing their Friday evenings at Fred’s, Diamond Peel Microdermabrasions, Icho Cashmere jackets and caviar eye treatments.
::: Crap, Kiki! Get the salts – I think Mersaydi just had a mild cardiac event … :::

But don’t fault Franck Sorbier, don’t chide Coco and don’t even THINK of blaming Boudicca, bitches!!

This nouveau povertè was a fait accompli before the bailouts began …
… all that greedy moneygrubbiness and fadmongering of years past created such all-out hubris that now the well-off are just like the rest of us — facing, like,  a totally WAY harsh future … ‘n stuff!!

MAJOR sad face, right???
::: But, admit it! You know it’s gonna be 20 kinds of cocktail FUN watching Wilhelmina use a WIC!!! :::

December 30, 2008 at 7:32 pm 2 comments

APpalled?


So I was drinki, uhh, talking with a friend last night about the recent employee standoff at Republic Windows and Doors and we were all ‘Power to the People’ and ‘Stick it to the Man’ and ‘Score one for the Little Guy’ and feeling pretty proud of the proletariat, which made me all ‘more mojitos!’ when my friend leaned in and confided that he, too, was taking part in just such an action this week.
::: SWISHY!!! :::

Seems some of the rank and file at the Associated Press are more than a little rankled that they’re not gettin’ management money-love, so now they’re all ‘No byline for you!’ and are waging a small-scale media mutiny.
::: cute :::

“They have the temerity to attempt a contractually obligated pay freeze next year,” my friend hissed through his teeth, “and then they want to further insult us with a paltry two percent raise after that? KNOWING we’re asking for – and, quite frankly, expecting to get – a proper 10! I mean really! Can you believe that fucking horseshit?!? Can you???”

Umm, like yeah and stuff?

Such an outwardly hostile sense of entitlement may lead you to assume he shoots for Donatella or Elie Saab … or AIG or Bank of America … but no. He’s AP.

And, in his defense, I must tell you that my friend has been away.

Far away.

He’s been working on a photography project in the Ardennes countryside – so he’s kind of new to this whole ‘world going to hell in a handbasket and taking the job/housing/banking/technology/andeverythingelsethatsustainsyou market with it’ thingamafuck the rest of us have been trudging through all year.

He didn’t get the memo about America’s new national employment policy:
Wage Freeze + Weensy Updward Rationing = Hopefully Potentially Possibly Maybe Being Able to Stay in Business Through the New Great Depression.

And, apparently, neither did some other folks.

“Staffers recognize the tough times, but they also understand that quality journalism at AP means attracting and retaining the best employees,” said Tony Winton, president of the News Media Guild

Now, anyone who knows me knows I am ALL FOR agitatin’ and pot stirrin’ and basically doing whatever it takes to be the biggest pain in the ass you can possibly be because, well, that’s just how I roll … AND I am ALL FOR MONEY!!! …  buuuutttt when
– you work in an economy that’s lost 1.9 million jobs this year (including more than 15,000 of your own brethren) …
– AND your company has already announced a 10% workforce reduction for the coming year …
– AND dues-paying members are so fed up with your company’s rate restructuring they’re defecting left and right …
– AND your competitors are aggressively teaming up against you and are nine THOUSAND kinds of eager to strike a deal with those former in-the-biz bffs …
– AND what little space remains in the ever-dwindling newshole of American media is quickly morphing from info- to ADVERtainment — effectively making moot your point of the perceived value of what , exactly, it is that you do for a living …

Umm, wow … I’m dizzy … where was I? … Oh yeah — my point!

I think that before I got on my talented and principled yet pompous and pampered high horse that I might consider taking a good long look around, getting myself a nice-sized clue and continuing to do the job I “didn’t get into for the money” but get paid well to do already …

… but that’s just me …

December 17, 2008 at 11:16 am 4 comments

There’s a special place in hell …



OK – let me get this straight …

  • The Tribune Company’s in deep doo doo
  • The New York Times, on the verge of going tits up, takes out a second mortgage on their digs to the tune of about $225 million
  • McClatchy’s looking to cut their journalistic crown jewel
  • Businesses and newspapers left and right are riffing their ranks
  • Distressed displaced window company workers are about to enter Day 5 of peacefully protesting Bank of America‘s greedy bullheaded assbackwardness
  • Widespread panic over the New Great Depression tanks US Treasury yields to goose egg range
  • Some cities can’t even afford to recycle anymore
  • Entire school districts are going under
  • The bailout-a-palooza has cost us more than all US wars and government programs combined
  • The US economy has shed 1.9 million jobs this year (that’s 1.9 million people out of work, for you Republicans keeping score)
    and
  • Our audaciously hopified president of change cautions us to be less hopified about our current (and future and future and future) situation …
  • ::: just to nutshell it for ya … :::

    … yet THIS greedy douchebag — who presided over his company’s $11.7  BILLION loss this year — is probably gonna get his manicured hands on the $10 million bonus he’s demanding.

    That about right?

    … cuz it doesn’t seem right …

    December 8, 2008 at 9:12 pm 10 comments

    Eliot Spitzer: Working Stiff


    Today is the dawn of an awesome new day for former New York Governor,  Hall of Fame Whoremonger and all around manslut Eliot Spitzer.

    The Luv Gov is straight up gettin’ paid, y’all!

    No, he didn’t write a tell-all; he isn’t wranglin’ ho’s down at the Bunny Ranch and he’s not designing a line of creatively comfortable bondage briefs … yet.

    Starting today, Spitz will be hard at work pimping his thoughts on government, regulation and finance for a bi-weekly column on Slate.com.
    ::: I wonder who gets to massage that copy!?! :::

    “It’ll be heavily about the financial crisis and fixing financial markets and the economy generally,” confirmed Jacob Weisberg, editor-in-chief of the Slate Group.
    ::: Hey – maybe it’ll be good. I mean, if there’s one thing Spitz knows it’s how to appropriate funds! :::

    The idea for the column – called ‘The Best Policy’ – came after Slate honchos spied a tasty Op-Ed piece Mistah Luvah wrote last month for The Washington Post that stimulated a deep desire for the hot slut in a big ol’ way.

    “We called him about writing for us,” said Weisberg, who admitted the pub and the gub had themselves a quickie right then and there.

    “It was not an epic negotiation. He was very receptive to the idea.”

    And, you know, I just don’t doubt it at all.
    I’ve heard he likes to receive …

    Keep it between the margins, El!

    December 4, 2008 at 2:51 pm 7 comments

    Ok, now everybody REALLY panic


    Just as we predicted – the end is nigh!!

    Fresh on the heels of their New York office snack-crackdown, Google mucketymucks have taken the first final step into the employment abyss by announcing this week that they will ‘significantly’ reduce the number of contract workers they hire, which we all know is industry speak for ‘Watch your fannies full-timers — YOUR NEXT!

    “We have been thinking for some time, before the acute phase of the economic crisis, about significantly reducing the number of contract workers,” a Google mouthpiece confirmed.

    Uhhhh HUH …

    Google’s headcount at the end of the third quarter was 20,123 company employees and a contractor army some 10,000 strong. Contractors going bye-bye include coders, cafeteria workers and campus bus drivers as well as the most crucial cog in the wheel of commerce –  members of the cleaning crew.
    ::: fun is fun ’till the toilet paper runs out! :::

    Uhhhh HUH …

    Didn’t someone who’s name we won’t mention but who’s initials are THE COOKIE say:

    “The day you see the big swingin’ dick around town pinchin’ pennies is the day you can pretty much start packing it in.
    That’s it.
    Lights out.
    Don’t let the ‘jobs are next to go’ sign hit you in the ass on your way out.”

    Uhhhh HUH …

    November 26, 2008 at 1:53 pm 1 comment

    Everybody Panic!


    Oh my god – the end is near!!

    This is bigtime seriousness worthy of multiple exclamation points for maximum emphasis!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Some Google big guns broke out the big-girl panties this week and sent a memo to folks in the New York City office informing them of *GASP* reduced cafeteria hours and **DOUBLE GASP** reduced food selection as part of an effort “to find areas where efficiency can be improved.”

    ACK!
    PHLIK!!
    GWOCK!!
    ::: slow. deep. breaths. :::

    Seriously though – you should panic.
    Now.

    The day you see the big swingin’ dick around town pinchin’ pennies is the day you can pretty much start packing it in.
    That’s it.
    Lights out.
    Don’t let the ‘jobs are next to go’ sign hit you in the ass on your way out.

    Googlers see Mr. Economy over at the bar putting GHB in Miss Advertising’s cosmo as he prepares to butt rape that bitch well into the next presidency and, since they’ve watched their golden stock get a tad tarnished after losing nearly half it’s value this year, the cheeses are running scared.

    They’re derailing the worker-bee gravy train and pulling the plug on some of the perks for which their company is universally famous.

    Afternoon tea on Tuesdays?
    GONE!
    Snack-a-palooza smorgasbord in the micro-kitchen?
    NOT ANYMORE!!
    Free dinner take-out?
    hahahahaha — No.

    Google is also shaving a half-hour off the time the hired help get for breakfast.
    ::: Don’t they know it’s the most important meal of the day?!?!?!  :::

    Morning munchtime has been whittled down to one wimpy hour (down from 90 minutes) … and that’s not all! Lunch and Dinner have been trimmed from 2 hours to 90 minutes.
    ::: quel horreur!!! :::

    Oh but it’s not all bad.
    The brass did toss the little people a bone … they promised the occasional ‘surprise snack attack’ just like their big-boy counterparts get in Google’s Mountain View, California offices.
    ::: a teaspoon of sugar helps the medicine go down … :::

    Employee morale meltdown in 3 … 2 …

    October 30, 2008 at 3:38 pm 1 comment

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