Posts tagged ‘criminal’

Udderly Ridiculous


38-year-old MOOooorestown, New Jersey police officer Robert Melia Jr. can add ‘cow fucker’ to his résumé after being charged with four counts of animal cruelty for allegedly engaging in sex acts with cows between June and December of 2006.

And, yes, I mean the milk-producing, cud-chewing, hamburger-in-the-making bovine kind … not those tracked up, one-eyed truck-stop lot lizards who can eat corn-on-the-cob through a barbed-wire fence.

But, hey, if we’re being honest – I think it’s safe to assume he’d do them too …

December 16, 2008 at 9:54 pm 4 comments

Daily Caylee


UPDATE: Judge denies defense motions during emergency hearing.
The judge said he would not allow the motions proposed by CaseyAnthony’s attorney Jose Baez because they would hinder the sheriff’s office investigation.
I can’t assist you with interfering in a murder investigation,” Orange Circuit Court Judge Stan Strickland told the defense team.

Earlier today: An emergency hearing is taking place this afternoon to discuss several defense requests in the case against Casey Anthony.

There likely won’t be much ‘news’ while investigators sift through the area where human remains were found last week … so today’s Daily Caylee is simply a YouTube offering that’s definitely somewhat long-ish but includes some photos I hadn’t seen before … thought perhaps you hadn’t either.

Related: Meter reader who discovered bones not eligible for reward

December 16, 2008 at 11:32 am 1 comment

It’s that time again!


Not to be outdone by his Hey Mr. Postman March Pardon-Palooza, outgoing sad-excuse-for-a-world-leader George W. Bush forgave more sinners yesterday when he handed out his last batch of ‘Get Out of Jail Free’ cards.

Among those thrown a legal lifesaver are:
forgive1.) Richard Culpepper of Mahomet, Illinois who was convicted of making false statements to the government.
::: No, I am not plotting to overthrow the government and that is not a 20-foot container of C-4 buried under a bunch of hay in my barn … :::

2.) Carey C. Hice Sr. of Travelers Rest, South Cackalackee, who was convicted of income tax evasion.
:::  WHAT?!? Tax evasion is sooo last year! :::

4.) Paul Julian McCurdy of Sulphur, Oklahoma, who was sentenced for misapplication of bank funds.
::: Kind of like Citigroup … :::

and, my personal favorite:
5.)  Leslie Owen Collier of Charleston, Missouri, who was convicted of violating the Bald and Golden Eagle Protection Act.

Apparently Collier’s preferred method of getting rid of annoying animals was to leave them a burger buffet spiked with poison and among the many animals murdered by his method just happened to be the most revered symbol of our nation’s freedom … well, actually three of the most revered symbols of our nation’s freedom.
::: ruh roh … :::

Oh but hey, if you can’t forgive someone for carelessly offing our national emblem for their own convenience, who can you forgive?

“Tis the season!

November 25, 2008 at 2:47 pm 2 comments

Hey Miami! You goin’ soft?


I bet it’s all party party party in Miami right about now.
I bet folks are elated on Euclid, marching down Meridian and shakin’ what their mamas gave ’em in a conga line of HAPPY all through Cutler Ridge.

Noooo – I’m not talking about the election or sports or hookers givin’ freebies down by the causeway.
::: err, offline topic — email me for that location …. :::

Nope — this is BIGGER!

The streets of Miami are paved with sunshiny rays of joyous gloriosity because …
… wait for it …

No one’s murdered anyone in 35 days … and counting!!!!

WOO HOO PAR-TAY!!! 

It’s a great record when people are not killing each other,” one cop said in what will go down in history as THE most ginormous understatement of the new milennium.

35 days and no one go bye-bye!?!
UnHEARD of!!!!

Oh, but it gets better!
Miami has had just a mere 55 homicides so far this year — 32 fewer killings than last year!
::: awesome :::

And Better!!
There was NO [repeat NO] murderin’ going on at all in the whole of the entire month of October!
::: awesomer ::: 

AND EVEN BETTER!!!
The last time an entire month passed with no one in greater Miami making anyone else in greater Miami any kind of dead was May … of 1966 !!!
::: AWESOMEST!! :::  

I know!! You kind of want to pinch yourself, right?!?!? Go ahead – I did!
::: I liked it too :::

So who’s up for a Liberty City picnic???

November 3, 2008 at 2:33 pm

Dumbass of the Day


Meet David Mlynick –>

David Mlynick is a doer.

Unfortunately, David Mlynick is not a thinker.

See, David Mlynick wanted to do some personal product misplacement so he and a friend trotted down to the nearest Publix to get themselves a five-finger discount on some tasty TAG body spray.

With clever names like Stay Up, Step Out and Get Yours — who doesn’t want to get TAGged? Because you know the only thing standing in the way of David Mlynick and some fine-ass poontang is a shot of that sweet spray, right? Oh yeah …

Alas, David Mlynick’s plan took a turn toward stupid after the bumbling burglars got caught with their booty.

According to a Broward County Sheriff’s Office report, some hawk-eyed Publix employees spotted Stinky McStinkerson and his sidekick swiping the spray and went all ‘Hey dudes — put that back!’
Sidekick dude was all ‘damn, ya got me – ok’ and put the product back like the shitty little wannabe criminal he is.

But not David Mlynick.

Desperado was all ‘hell to the no with that action’, fled the scene and dashed over to the Dollar Store where he thought safety was a sure bet since it would be completely crowded as it’s the only store people can afford to shop in anymore.

But the only deal David Mlynick would find at the Dollar Store would be a bad one after running smack into Publix manager Vincent Harris, who was waiting for the clumsy klepto with a big ol’ cup of ‘TAG — you’re it, scumwad!’
::: Dirty Harris missed his calling :::

Mlynick “responded by becoming belligerent” and pulled out his piece … THE weapon of choice for 12-year-olds, range rejects and crappy criminals everywhere … a BB gun.
::: HARD CORE, yo! :::

And faster than you can say ‘Prison Bitch’ – in moved the boys in blue, on went the big silver bracelets and David Mlynick was arrested for ‘robbery with a weapon’.

The criminal mastermind was booked into the Broward County jail, where we’re pretty sure he’s making LOTS of new best friends with his hot little sweet-smelling self!

‘nite ‘nite boyfriend!

PHOTO

October 22, 2008 at 2:46 pm 3 comments

Surprised?



A ‘jury of his peers’ (which contained exactly zero African Americans) found O.J. Simpson guilty Friday of all 12 counts in the armed robbery of two sports memorabilia dealers at a Las Vegas, Nevada, casino hotel last year.
::: maybe they define ‘peer’ differently out there in Vegas … ::: 

Simpson, 61, and his co-defendant Clarence “C.J.” Stewart, 54, were charged with a dozen offenses stemming from the sports memorabilia heist. Stewart was found guilty of the same charges as Simpson.

The two men could spend the rest of their lives in prison. Clark County District Judge Jackie Glass set sentencing for December 5.

If you weren’t sure what to get them for Christmas before – now you know.
Soap-on-a-rope.

October 4, 2008 at 1:34 pm 8 comments

Lying liar finally a suspect


Yesterday I was shocked — SHOCKED I tell you to read a most unbelievable piece of news!

Get ready.
Are you ready? No seriously – are you sitting down? I think you should sit down because after all this time and über douchebaggery on the part of … umm, well EVERYONE even remotely involved  – you just may have to do a personal reality check on this one. 
::: you sure you’re ready? :::

CNN and others have revealed the most unthinkable, the most fantastic, the biggest nuh-UH piece of info EVER:
Caylee Anthony’s mom now a suspect

It took a while, but after this most shocking shocks in all of modern shockery wore off – I was all YA THINK?!?

Ugh …

Took ’em long enough but it seems that after being fed a steady diet of bullshit and fabrication for more than two solid months, authorities finally got full, got a fucking clue and got the idea that maybe, just maybe, the lying liar horrible nightmare of a mother might be just a weensy bit on the shady side — and maybe, just maybe, they might want to concentrate on possibly taking a closer look at her.

Way to be on top of things guys!!

Photo: (RED HUBER, ORLANDO SENTINEL / July 29, 2008)

October 2, 2008 at 1:38 pm 1 comment

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