Posts tagged ‘convict’

Every dog (owner) has her day

When an evil, murderous bitch (left) gets 15 to life for allowing her mutant killer canines to do the unthinkable … somewhere in heaven a former lacrosse coach gets her wings.

A San Francisco judge this week sentenced Marjorie Knoller to some well-deserved hard time, seven goddamned long ass years after her two blood-thirsty Presa Canarios fatally mauled her neighbor, Dianne Whipple, in the hallway of their San Francisco apartment building.

And by mauled I mean the hounds from hell ambushed the woman and ripped her to pieces in an attack that lasted at least five minutes.

Now think on what that kind of torture might like — being chewed up and pulled apart in bloody, fleshy bits by angry animals mere centimeters from your own front door while their owner stands aside in her own apartment listening … but doing nothing.

With a weird Aryan connection and allegations of homophobia and zoophilia, this case was disgusting from every angle.

I hope they stick Marjorie Knoller in a bayou prison with no air conditioning in a cell with a view of the gnat and maggot-infested mess hall garbage cans and give her some big ol’ coked-up butchy bitch of a cellmate with unbridled rage, a passion for knifeplay and a scorching case of herpes.


September 23, 2008 at 1:14 pm 20 comments

Shia LeBeouf wouldn’t make it in Iran

So it was all party party party this weekend … ‘cept for Iran where a bunch of henchmen got together to hang about 30 people convicted of crimes including:

  • Murder (Ok yeah, that’s a bad thing)
  • Murder in commission of a crime (umm hmm yeah — ‘nuther bad one)
  • Being involved in illegal relationships — relationships between men and women who are not married to each other (sexy time in Iran = married time … got it!)
  • Being a public nuisance while drunk (wait. what?)
  • My first thought when reading that list was ‘Damn, I’m glad I don’t live in Iran!’.

    My next thought was ‘Damn, I kinda wish Madonna lived in Iran.’

    Then I thought ‘I bet Shia LaBeouf is glad he doesn’t live in Iran!’

    Hollywood’s favorite Shia-pet was arrested on suspicion of drunken driving Sunday about 3 a.m. when he rolled his truck after smacking it into another car. LeBooBoo bunged up his head, hand and knee.

    “It was immediately apparent to officers responding on the scene that LaBeouf was intoxicated and he was subsequently placed under arrest,” one officer said.

    This would seem like some sort of watered-down kiddie version of ‘strike 3’ – except there were other people involved … and injured.

    Just by way of recap:
    LeBonehead was ticketed early last year for ‘unlawful smoking’ (1) and then busted again in November (2) for being a colossal dumbass drunk in a Chicago Walgreens – which he blamed on being a slave to the bakky. And now this one (3).

    Hey Shithead — rehab is the new black.
    Think about it — before #4 leaves someone dead.

    ‘kay Boo Boo???

    July 28, 2008 at 1:03 pm 5 comments

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