Posts tagged ‘consumer’

Masticatory Misrepresentation?


Hey there fatty, wanna drop some tonnage?
Feel like trading in those itty bitties for some bigger, firmer breastesses?
Care to put the kibosh on those grody granny hot flashes?

OF COURSE YOU DO!
WHO WOULDN’T?!?

And do you want to achieve all of the above with absolutely no commitment or effort whatsoever??

OF COURSE YOU DO!
WHO WOULDN’T?!?

GOOD – because the shady charlatans at Zoft and their fabulous line of wonder gums can, for about $32 a pop, help you chew your way to full-on fabulosity!

Chomp your way to chestiness!

Smack your stress away!

Wear out your jaws for wondrous weight loss!

Munch away your menopausal misery with minty-freshness!

Heck – you can even grab a pack to perk up the peen!

But don’t take my word for it
::: I’m serious — do not take my word for it :::

Check out these completely fabricated and unverifiable testimonials …

 “I’ve been taking this product for over a month now and have lost 7 pounds. I couldn’t be more pleased! I also have much more level of energy..I guess it’s mainly because I’m lighter. I feel great!”
Well thumbs up to YOU, Sandra, 37, from Nevada – sloth and stupidity finally pay off!!!

“It effected nearly since day 1, After 3 weeks I’m using it – the results are great, highly recommend”.
Dan, 23, Los Angles
WOW – Thanks Dan from, err, Los Angles??? for that wonderfully ambiguous and moderately illiterate recommendation!

“Loved this product, will definitely order more, I feel much better. At the beginning I was skeptic, but it caused an improvement. Also shipping was super fast! Thanks a lot!”
Karyn, 25, Florida
Awesome Karyn!! I mean, I have no fucking clue what you’re talking about – but kudos on that phenominally super-fast delivery — you just don’t SEE that every day!!!

Anyone sampled the Double Bubble Butt yet?

August 20, 2008 at 1:06 pm 1 comment

Economical strategification


According to a new survey, “More companies in the U.S. plan to boost prices and limit hiring as the surge in raw-material costs hurts profits.”

What a groundbreakingly bold new strategy!!
::: charge more + hire less = common sense! :::

Thank you Captain Obvious and the rest of the Super Duper Thinking Team over at the National Association for Business Economics!
::: I you guys! :::

Can this exciting new plan could be applied to other  things?!?

What if — and bear with me here, I’m just throwing this one out there off the top of my head — what if we DROVE LESS to offset the high price of gas???

WOW — right?!?

July 21, 2008 at 2:41 pm 5 comments


This is the shit you bitches are reading


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