Posts tagged ‘community’

Wait. What?


Mah brain’s gettin’ a confusion contusion!
Glad I voted early!

… stay tuned …

November 4, 2008 at 6:23 pm

Gettin’ their ‘O’ face on …

Oh sweet glorious victory – my boyfriend has won … the Dixville Notch, New Hampshire 2008 presidential election.

This could have wheels, people!
I think it just may be a bellwether for the gozillion other elections going on across the country today!
::: Wait and see naysayers! :::

People in the teensy village (more like a village-ette) of Dixville Notch voted just after midnight and cast 15 of the town’s 21 votes on the side of audaciousness and hopification. 

And O’Baby’s win in cold country marks the first time since 1968 that the townlette leaned Democratic in an election.
::: *sniff* smells like history …  ::: 

Oh, but I know what you’re thinking — New Hampshire is a blue state so, like, DUUHHHH that some po-dunk little town there went all rogue and voted for ‘that one‘ –  but I’m bringing the hell naw to that argument ‘cuz New Hampshire’s a BABY blue state! Not the telltale periwinkle of ‘decidedly’ blue states, which makes this first win that much tastier!

Oh lawd, today is gonna be some kind of fun!

… stay tuned …

November 4, 2008 at 11:51 am 6 comments

Hey Miami! You goin’ soft?

I bet it’s all party party party in Miami right about now.
I bet folks are elated on Euclid, marching down Meridian and shakin’ what their mamas gave ’em in a conga line of HAPPY all through Cutler Ridge.

Noooo – I’m not talking about the election or sports or hookers givin’ freebies down by the causeway.
::: err, offline topic — email me for that location …. :::

Nope — this is BIGGER!

The streets of Miami are paved with sunshiny rays of joyous gloriosity because …
… wait for it …

No one’s murdered anyone in 35 days … and counting!!!!


It’s a great record when people are not killing each other,” one cop said in what will go down in history as THE most ginormous understatement of the new milennium.

35 days and no one go bye-bye!?!
UnHEARD of!!!!

Oh, but it gets better!
Miami has had just a mere 55 homicides so far this year — 32 fewer killings than last year!
::: awesome :::

And Better!!
There was NO [repeat NO] murderin’ going on at all in the whole of the entire month of October!
::: awesomer ::: 

The last time an entire month passed with no one in greater Miami making anyone else in greater Miami any kind of dead was May … of 1966 !!!
::: AWESOMEST!! :::  

I know!! You kind of want to pinch yourself, right?!?!? Go ahead – I did!
::: I liked it too :::

So who’s up for a Liberty City picnic???

November 3, 2008 at 2:33 pm

Financial hardship is a hairy situation

America is morphing into a nation of fuglies!

I’m not talking the temporary-for-Halloween costume fug …  I’m talking permanent-for-REAL-fug!
And I didn’t just come to this realization after some recent (and very unfortunate) time spent staring at offending mom jeansers in CVS yesterday as I tried to snag last-minute Halloween candy bargains.

No no — it’s a fact!
America is going fug.
::: frealz! :::

Proof: L’Oreal.

The cosmetics giant shelled out big bucks on ad spending last quarter looking for big gains — but it was all for naught.

The vanity industry, it seems, is locked in the economic deathgrip that’s already claimed the auto industry, the banking industry, the housing industry, the travel industry and more every day. Consequently, L’Oreal found itself posting some pretty weak third quarter numbers – including a 5.7% decline in organic sales in North America.

And L’Oreal blames their sagging solvency on me — oh and YOU too, Mrs., Miss and Ms. America!

WE, they say, are to blame because of the “sharp drop in salon visits” WE made in North America last quarter.
::: Well, hey — if I have to choose between my hootch and my hair color — I think we all know where The Cookie’s money is going!! Am I right, ladies?!? Am I right?!? :::

OUR lack of salon patronage was the only point of weakness in North America the company discussed – but OUR lack of follicle-enhancing finances isn’t just killing L’Oreal.
Oh no – OUR poverty is a problem for L’Oreal’s competitors, too.
::: good thing misery loves company :::

According to Cyrus Bulsara, principal in Professional Consultants & Resources, “The average used to be every five to six weeks,” for hair coloring visits. “Now, women are waiting every six to eight weeks to have coloring done.” Everybody’s hurting.

So what’s the message here?
America: Your killing the economy! STOP BEING POOR and get your hair did already?

Nice reverse psychology try there, cosmetics conglomerators!
Like blaming your problems on my penniless ass – THEN trying to make me feel guilty about it is gonna
do anything except make me spend even more of my weave money on wine?!?
::: don’t you know me?!? :::

HAHAHAHAHA – that’s a knee-slapper for sure! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

Oh damn — I laughed so hard I cried off part of my $9 Non-Waterproof, Hypoallergenic Telescopic Mascara!!!

October 31, 2008 at 5:34 pm 1 comment

Everybody Panic!

Oh my god – the end is near!!

This is bigtime seriousness worthy of multiple exclamation points for maximum emphasis!!!!!!!!!!!!

Some Google big guns broke out the big-girl panties this week and sent a memo to folks in the New York City office informing them of *GASP* reduced cafeteria hours and **DOUBLE GASP** reduced food selection as part of an effort “to find areas where efficiency can be improved.”

::: slow. deep. breaths. :::

Seriously though – you should panic.

The day you see the big swingin’ dick around town pinchin’ pennies is the day you can pretty much start packing it in.
That’s it.
Lights out.
Don’t let the ‘jobs are next to go’ sign hit you in the ass on your way out.

Googlers see Mr. Economy over at the bar putting GHB in Miss Advertising’s cosmo as he prepares to butt rape that bitch well into the next presidency and, since they’ve watched their golden stock get a tad tarnished after losing nearly half it’s value this year, the cheeses are running scared.

They’re derailing the worker-bee gravy train and pulling the plug on some of the perks for which their company is universally famous.

Afternoon tea on Tuesdays?
Snack-a-palooza smorgasbord in the micro-kitchen?
Free dinner take-out?
hahahahaha — No.

Google is also shaving a half-hour off the time the hired help get for breakfast.
::: Don’t they know it’s the most important meal of the day?!?!?!  :::

Morning munchtime has been whittled down to one wimpy hour (down from 90 minutes) … and that’s not all! Lunch and Dinner have been trimmed from 2 hours to 90 minutes.
::: quel horreur!!! :::

Oh but it’s not all bad.
The brass did toss the little people a bone … they promised the occasional ‘surprise snack attack’ just like their big-boy counterparts get in Google’s Mountain View, California offices.
::: a teaspoon of sugar helps the medicine go down … :::

Employee morale meltdown in 3 … 2 …

October 30, 2008 at 3:38 pm 1 comment

Don’t try this at (the) home

Some poor old peepaw in upstate New York found out the hard way it’s not so easy to get your dick out of the ringer.

No, seriously — that’s, like, exactly what happened.

Firefighters were dispatched to the Newburgh campus of St. Luke’s Cornwall Hospital this weekend after hospital personnel asked them for tools to cut off a “ring”.
And by “ring” they meant a quarter-inch thick, inch-long steel pipe housing the private parts of a 73-year-old man trying to get his geriatric swerve on.
::: not a good look :::

Firefighters assessed the situation, probably had a hearty belly laugh or two and told some off-color jokes before choosing a “wizzer saw” – which is an automotive tool powered with air bottles frequently used in car crashes — to get grampy’s bacon out’ the brig.

In the end, it took more than an hour and a half to free Methuselah’s member, but the good news is father time will live to stroke his joystick another day.

RecordOnline: Quality Journalism Lives Here

October 27, 2008 at 11:17 am

Beyonce is full of crap

The Mighty B has dubbed herself “Sasha Fierce” for her new double album, “I Am … Sasha Fierce.”
::: my my, how original – ‘cuz NO ONE has done that shit before … :::

“I have someone else that takes over when it’s time for me to work and when I’m on stage, this alter ego that I’ve created that kind of protects me and who I really am.”
::: Bitch please … :::

“Sasha Fierce is the fun, more sensual, more aggressive, more outspoken side and more glamorous side that comes out when I’m working and when I’m on the stage.”

Soooo, Beyonce thinks she’s Rihanna?


October 23, 2008 at 12:03 pm 6 comments

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